I just wasn't a baby person, really. I didn't know what age-appropriate questions I should be asking.* So I avoided altogether!
*Lesson learned: Those milestone "Is she walking yet? How many words does she say?" questions are a bit much. (Too much pressure!) The best questions you can ask are like, "How do you like being a mom? These moments are so precious, right?"
So yeah, once I started spreading the news about my pregnancy, I got a LOT of advice (most unsolicited). And then in the early days/weeks/months once Ana arrived, we got a LOT of questions. "Is she sleeping through the night? How is she eating? Nursing is so painful, right?"
But in those early days/weeks/months, despite the invasive questions, I started to feel like, none of this is so bad. People make this new-mom gig sound way worse than it really is. So many of the questions too are based on ... I'm not sure, actually. Old-wives tales? Other people's experiences? Stuff you hear about on TV? I swear, there are so many misconceptions out there -- at least, that was our experience.
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| And when you're this cute ... we can get past anything! |
And sure, we've certainly had our challenges. Even now, when Ana fights a nap (which isn't often), it's like, I'm sometimes dramatic and my world is ending and I overanalyze and freak out a little about the long day that lies ahead.
I'll also admit, Ana's a pretty easy baby overall. Even from the beginning, we just ... didn't let her be a pout-pout fish. "Oh, you're whining, bear? Let's dance!" <--- That was seriously my motto, regardless of how tired I felt. But it worked! She's such a happy girl, even to this day, and I feel like talking her out of her grumpies helped. I know I shouldn't take credit for too much, but I do believe babies are totally a product of their environment.
ANYWAY, blahblahblah, I know I only have one baby. That makes me no expert. And like I said, Ana's pretty easy to read, so there's that. Maybe in a few months or years, I'll look back on this list and cringe. And so much will have changed! But maybe not. I decided to write out all the crazy shit I heard early on, and tell you why it's wrong, wrong, wrong (or, why it was wrong for US), and honestly, why this new-mom thing isn't so hard after all. Don't listen to the voices!
(But let's talk if James and I ever decide to have another. I heard all bets are off once you have two or more!) ;)
Also, I feel like I could write this same-style list for "20 popular misconceptions about childbirth." Again, every experience and baby is different, I've only birthed ONE, but there is SO much scary shit floating around. I'm here to tell you it's not as bad as everyone wants you to believe. If you're ready to put in the work.
Oh, and spoiler alert re: this list: A lot of these new-mom/new-baby misconceptions have to do with sleep! Let's hop to 'em --
1.) Misconception: Once the baby is born, you won't sleep for the next few days/weeks/months.
Fake news, y'all. We got home from the hospital, Ana was asleep in her car seat and James said, "why don't you take that hot shower you've been planning and then get some rest?" So I did. Ana probably slept for six-ish hours, and it was glorious. James and I panicked at first, because the Kaiser nurses told us that breastfed babies should be fed every two hours or so, and to even wake her and offer the boob. But my mom was all, "She'll wake up if she's hungry! That's what feeding on-demand is." And that's when we confirmed, never wake a sleeping baby. Ana got up when she was ready, definitely ready to eat but not famished.
And sure, with sleep stuff, you start to adapt to a new normal, but honestly, newborns sleep effing CONSTANTLY. They might get up frequently wanting to nurse or be changed or something, but then when you're done? They typically go right back down. One night early on, I was feeling like Ana and I had been nursing alllllll night. We cluster-fed for like, eight straight hours. But then she slept with me from like, 6a-noon before needing any more milk. I promise the early parts aren't so bad. Babies doze like, 22 of 24 hours in a day. Enjoy it while you can! I promise 16 months is a much harder age.
2.) Misconception: You can't bring them places early on.
"Make freezer meals!" they said. "Stock up on shampoo and toiletries and groceries so that you never have to leave your house!" they said.
Yeah, what? Why?
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| Target baby! |
Leaving the house feels like a new lease on life sometimes, especially in those early stages! By all means, take your time in Target (the baby is likely sleeping). Go on a drive. Go out to eat with your husband (the baby will likely sleep through all of it). Who gives one shit if people judge you? I remember getting a baby milestone email at like, 12 weeks, "Maybe it's time to run your first errand with the baby!" and I just remember laughing and laughing. By that point, we had moved across the country by car, stayed in random hotel rooms with her, done pretty much everything under the sun ... and she was fine.
You're not going to break the baby. A few germs from the outside world are good for the immune system. A little baby-crying never hurt anyone, even at brunch. Seize the damn day!
3.) Misconception: Babies need lotion.
Why did I get gifted so much damn baby lotion?
Also, every company under the sun wants to give you free samples ... but seriously, why? Baby skin is the sweetest, softest, BEST all on its own. We didn't start using lotion until Ana was like, 15 months, and it was the dead of winter and the back of her arms felt really rough and dry. I wouldn't have started a day sooner.
4.) Misconception: Babies need lots of baths/a nightly bath.
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| Traumatized. |
I'd hear about these moms who gave their baby a bath every night ... again, whyyyy? Ana hated it in there at first, so I wasn't particularly excited about scrubbing her down too often. But like, if you keep them in fresh clothes and you're just lying around the house (which you absolutely will be in those first few months), there's no reason to over-bathe.
I understand more frequent baths once they're toddlers and they're eating real food and mashing potatoes into their hair (oh, was that just us?) but until then ... once or twice a week, yo.
5.) Misconception: The bedtime routine must be extensive.
So, when Ana was teeny, we'd do (occasional) bath, book, bottle, swaddle, bed. It took like, 15 minutes, tops. These days we do teeth-brushing (which is laughable at this point), a book, jammies, bed. I know a lot of moms have to do 27 things all in a specific order, but why lock into that? Maybe we'll have to when she's 4, you say? Fine, maybe I'll be wrong about this one down the line. But for now, I feel like a quick routine is perfectly fine. Sometimes if her feet or hands are dirty, I'll wash those too -- given that it's not a bath night. Sometimes we'll be at Grandma Leese's and we've already read 19 books earlier in the day, so I'll just let her flop on the bed for a few min (her fav), hand her a toothbrush and put her down. But I am notttt committing to an over-the-top bedtime routine at age 1 1/2, or any earlier.
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| Hi guys! |
6.) Misconception: You have to sleep-train or put them on a schedule. Or teach them days/nights.
Honestly, you do you. If you want to sleep train, I know some moms who swear by it. But trust me when I say, I've talked to enough people -- and we were those people -- whose babies just kind of figured it all out. She'll fall into a routine eventually. I feel like it's not a requirement to force it.
7.) Misconception: "Don't let them sleep in the car! They'll never nap/sleep at home!"
Not true until they hit past the age of 14 or so months, in our experience. Again, infants are tiredddd. They'll sleep anywhere and still get transported up into the crib no prob.
8.) Misconception: A long daytime nap means trouble for bedtime.
Opposite! I've read this all over the place, and it was definitely our experience too, but a well-napped baby makes for a better bedtime baby. Putting them down when they're overtired is the worst, and I feel like they wake up way MORE in the night when they've had shitty naps. Nap on, my child!
9.) Misconception: Co-sleeping is for murderers.
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| Sleepy Jim |
I thought I'd neverrrrr co-sleep, just like I'd never hand over my cellphone to the babes and I'd never allow TV time. But sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Ana needed to sleep basically attached to me at first, and I was nursing, and I needed sleep, too. So whatcha gonna do? For us, the answer was, bring her to bed. It's kind of nice: you can sleep on your side and she can nurse. We're always RIGHT THERE in case she needs anything. And I swear, you just don't sleep the same with a baby in bed.
Sure, you won't be getting that hard, drooly, deep sleep that you really crave ... but it'll suffice, and it's better than nothing, in the early days. What's your alternative? Set her down in the bassinet 50 times only to have her wake up screaming 2 minutes in? (That was us). So we loved co-sleeping/bed-sharing with Ana, felt totally comfortable with it, and did it through probably month four or five.
By all means, if it makes you nervous, don't do it! But for us, it just worked.
10.) Misconception: Babies are spit-up factories.
Ana spit up like, maybe 10 times total. Anyone else have a lack of vom? My mom really warned me, saying I was like a machine when I was a baby, ruining clothes and spitting up a tonnnnn. Not so much over here.
11.) Misconception: Babies need to be socialized.
I mean, it probably couldn't HURT, but even our doctor was like, "yeah, not till they're 2ish!" And even then, it's like, whatever a mom wants to do, I understand. Hell, even Dr. Laura doesn't believe in preschool. It's true that it hasn't always been a THING. Our grandparents didn't go to preschool. Babies -- especially infants -- just want to be around their mamas. (Oh, and for the record, we'll likely send Ana to preschool, but I'm hoping it'll be all about play, and not like, sight words and 50 other benchmarks my California mom-friends warned me about). But yeah, re: socialization, I just feel like, if your baby's getting some, awesome. Good on ya! But if she's not, honestly, she has a lifetime of socialization ahead. Don't sweat it. Schedule a play date every now and then and you're probably fine.
12.) Misconception: Your milk comes in right away.
Well, it doesn't for everyone. I was getting asked a BUNCH about if my actual milk was in -- which, weird thing to ask someone -- and I was freaking out because it took maybe three or so days. Don't panic. It's coming.
13.) Misconception: You can snuggle them too much, and they'll get used to that and depend on it.
I mean, they're babies. You cannot spoil them. There's no such thing as too many cuddles. I was attached to Ana (physically) for probably the first six months, if not 10, and she's perfectly fine. We sleep apart these days and she's very independent. She also relishes telling me "NO NO NO NO," and will not cuddle me under most circumstances, so I'm happy I got them in when I could.
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| Early snuggle sesh. |
14.) Misconception: She will LOVE rice cereal.
Hated it. Wasn't into oatmeal, either. We moved on to other foods fairly quickly. It wasn't until I asked on Facebook that I found out Ana wasn't the only weird one who hated RC. It happens. She got her iron in another way.
But I felt bad! So many people were like, "Did she sleep well? AH my baby was so excited to have food! She loved it, didn't she?" I was like, "Um, not really? She's constipated af and spits most of it out ... we moved on to pasta?"
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| Stink-eye. "Six straight months of breastmilk and formula and this is what you feed me?" |
15.) Misconception: Keeping them up later means they'll sleep in later.
lolololol.
See #8 and it's the same concept. We kept Ana up till like, 11p once for Liz and Ryan's wedding and crossed our fingers she'd sleep till 11a. She was very much a 12-hour nighttime sleeper by that point. But nope, she was still up the next day at 8a or 9a. Now, in the early early days, before she had a schedule, she was kind of up at all hours of the day for feedings and such. But once she was established on a bit of a routine, which came months later, I quickly learned this stay-up-late/sleep-in-late logic doesn't quite pan out.
16.) Misconception: You'll want to pump so that you can get more sleep.
Only if you want to dry up your supply!*
*Might not be a thing for everyone, but I had to werk-werk-werk-werk-werk like Rhianna to keep my supply halfway deece.
And well, don't get me wrong: I lovvvved being able to pump when nursing got tough, and it was so nice for James to be able to give her a bottle, and sometimes I'd get an extra hour or so of Zzzs in. However, I pumped for about seven months, like a crazy person, and never took more than 3-4 hours off, like those entire seven months. That meant I was up just as much, if not more, than the baby. It's a commitment and it's certainly not the easy way out.
17.) Misconception: Getting the baby to sleep through the night is the ultimate goal.
Whatever, man. Sure, it's SO NICE once you finally start getting those 4, 5, 6+ hour stretches in, but like I said, even if it's during weird hours, babies definitely sleep. It can be really hard to drop whatever you're doing, neglect the dishes, blow off your plans, etc. But sleeping while the baby sleeps will save your sanity. You gotta do it.
Even once she starts sleeping through the night, you'll find something else everyone will bug you about, or something that'll drive you up the wall. So don't put too much stock in this one.
18.) Misconception: You need a baby monitor for everyday use.
Maybe if you live in a castle. We don't! I tried using the monitor nightly once we started putting Ana down in her own room. And I swear, every time she moved or made a squeak, it was so amplified on that monitor, I'd wake up and panic. Or at least wake up like WHAT'S GOING ON? Finally, I was like, she's one room over. I'll hear her if she needs me. That's been the best. Never looking back!
I do love our monitor for our sitters and my parents when they watch her and when we're on weekend trips ... but you might find, especially as the baby grows up, more distance is better. Lately I even wish Ana was on the lower level of the house, seeing as she hears us chatting at 3a, gets FOMO and wants to hang. Then cries when we won't let her. #toddlerprobz
19.) Misconception: They'll grow out of their clothes in 10 seconds.
Not as true as people want you to believe. Just never buy true-to-size, if you want my 2 cents. For example, when Ana was 6 months old, we were already buying 18-ish months. Half because she's a chunk, and half because you can make these pieces last SO much longer if you give them some room.
20.) Misconception: Stuffed animals are so extra.
These are Ana's friends! To this day. Luckily, we got tons as gifts, because I never bought any. But yeah, I always focused on clothes, other toys, developmental stuff ... but you know what, stuffed animals have made her super happy since she was a tiny baby. Don't sleep on these guys.
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| Stanley the Snowman was a friend to me, too! Holding Ana's paci in while I pumped. |
Bonus round:
Misconception -- "You should have them in cute outfits early." But what about skin-to-skin? Ana was pretty much just rocking a diaper for the first month because we were bonding. Also, lol to infant shoes. We couldn't even entertain the idea of getting a shoe on her foot until well beyond the first birthday.
Misconception -- Nursing HURTS.
K, I'll admit the first two weeks can be super tough. Not trying to minimize that! But hear me out: It shouldn't HURT hurt beyond that time. Granted, I had to stop entirely because of pallet problems and my unproductive eater of a baby, but trust me when I say, I worked with a bunch of lactation consultants (like it was my job), and they all agreed: People shouldn't freak you out about nursing hurting. Is it uncomfortable? Hell yes. Do your nipps feel like they might fall off and they're on fire early on? Yikes and yes. I wore icepacks. And getting that latch down? Can be a real bitch. But if nursing gives you serious pain beyond the first few weeks, something isn't right. Go get help! I certainly did. No shame!
Misconception -- Babies hate tummy time (not necessarily true).
Misconception -- "Don't give her a pacifier! She'll never give it up!" Or, one day around 6 months, Ana spit it out and refused to go back. I miss the poppy now, all things considered. Some days when she's crabby, I wish she'd still take it.
All in all, my point is NOT to be a know-it-all, or rub in your face that we have it pretty easy over here -- knock on wood, of course. I just feel like, there's so much doomsday shit about pregnancy, so many people want to share their horror birth stories, etc. And everyone's so excited to tell you about how awful the first year is, and lay these expectations on your back. I'm just here to share that it doesn't always have to be that way. Every baby is different, yes, but hopefully, this made you smile and think to yourself, "I can totally do this." Because you totally can. You got this, mamas!
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| All these early pics are making me sadz! |
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