But I keep coming back to this same discussion that I seem to be having with a few of my friends, and I feel like I should share it here, as well. Grab a seat!
K, I don't know about you, but I always kind of feared my 30s. It meant I'd officially be getting kind of "older," maybe my looks would start to fall apart a bit (sorry, am I not supposed to type things like that?), I'd fall into the same old monotonous routine, I'd settle, I'd have to have kids, etc. etc. etc.
<< OMG who knew my children would be my greatest joy? >>
But really -- why did I think that? Any of that? Why does anyone fear her 30s?
I swear though, it's not just me. I've spoken with *so many people* lately who say something along those lines: "AH, I was so nervous to turn 30." Or younger friends who are like, "OMG you're in your 30s? How is it? I'm kind of scared!"
...
You guys, it is the fucking best.
I'll say it again for those of you in the back: like, breaking news. There is nothing more empowering than being in your 30s. I wouldn't go back to my 20s, and not for a second.
That's not even to say they were BAD. I sometimes say I wouldn't go back to high school, and I loved high school. My boyfriend was super hot, I did well on the track team, my grades were deece -- I just ... hmmm. Maybe I don't like to rewind. I just like where I am.
But seriously. I mean it when I say that I really like where I am at the ripe age of 32.
Women in your 40s: tell me! Does it get better? I have a hunch it gets better.
I feel like getting older is secretly bomb; why tf aren't more people talking about this?!
Anyway, now I know my experience isn't everyone's experience, but here's what my 20s were like:
 |
| Cute I guess. Hungry in this pic. |
-- I mean, fine. I was polite. I followed the rules (ish).
-- I had a husband for some time who told me that my experiences and opinions were ... wrong. He was a little older and wiser (or so I thought), so I listened to him and took what he said very seriously.
-- I was a little insecure. I still got occasional breakouts (as in, like, on my face), and I wouldn't leave the house, even for a run, without makeup. I generally disliked my appearance.
-- I just ... needed approval from people. At work, in relationships, and I felt like I was nervous or scared or something, when it came to situations that really didn't call for nerves or fear. I never wanted to speak up or order at a restaurant first or make anyone uncomfortable. I kinda jumped through hoops and did my best impersonation of what someone in her 20s "should" do. Marry the guy you've been with since college, get a job with health insurance, don't rock the boat.
K now lemme tell you about my 30s:
-- I mean, I'm polite still! I follow the rules that are in place for a reason, or like, when social norms dictate.
-- I finally married someone who treats me well: who listens to me, loves me unconditionally and values me for who I am, even when some of my opinions are probably infuriating or baseless or I insist that Michigan State's loss to Syracuse in the tournament that one year was an inside job (love you, Jim).
-- I'm surprisingly NOT insecure (even when I probably should be?) Ha, I think this might come with the territory when you became a mom. One day you wake up and you're driving to Target in February in your flip-flops in the snow and you find yourself without a bra. Or like, semi-recently I realized I was traipsing around Las Vegas with my friends for brunch, totally fresh-faced and without a drop of makeup on. I mean, did I look perfect? Far from it. But I actually didn't mind my appearance. My skin has finally balanced itself out a bit. It felt CLEAN. And it was like ... more importantly, I learned how not to hate myself anymore.
-- I'm no longer seeking approval, unless of course like, you're my boss, or I have a legitimate reason to care.
 |
| Me and my baby girl |
And it's not just that you stop giving a fuck. Because I actually *do* GAF -- about a lotttt of things, tbh. It's just like, you get way more selective about the things you choose to care about.
Also like, as a mom, you can't just be all, "But I don't know how this works! What's a nap schedule? Should I vaccinate?" Like, you just start Googling, asking around, and you figure it all out. You have to. You're thrown into the deep end when you become a parent. But you're responsible for other human lives, and that's kind of your responsibility now, you know?
Be better. You can't just flail, you're an adult now.
So yeah, I know I'm only two years in. But for me, so far, my 30s have been like:
-- I deserve to be here. I deserve to have a voice.
If I don't stand up and advocate for myself, my thoughts and my work, who will?
-- I actually know what I want.
Going and getting it, BRB!
-- Cliche but true: Life is too short.
"What do you have to lose?" or "What's the worst thing that could happen?" <--- I ask myself those questions probably twice a day.
-- SAY IT.*
*Also, I don't mean I'm one of those "she tells it like it is!" people. But yeah, if something needs to be said, and it can be done with tact and grace, I'll say it. Firm and direct don't have to mean rude. On the contrary, whenever people are like, "ohhh she's just really REAL. She can't sugarcoat things," I'm like, ohhhh, so her reality must be all of our reality? It takes way more willpower to show restraint than it does to pop off and "tell it like it is."
I really can't stomach that shit.
--------------
And one final thing on the physical beauty front. Everyone ages differently; I get that. Just because my skin has improved ever-so slightly doesn't mean I'm feeling myself 24/7. We all have those gross days where nothing fits just right, or your friends are looking way cuter, or you just want to throw your hands up, like, whyyyyyy?
I still get occasional breakouts. I have a tiny pooch from where I held my baby kangaroos. I definitely have bags under my eyes and crow's feet like a m-f. (I hear sleep is supposed to fix those issues? LMK where I might be able to find some of that). But STILL, you guys. Still! I think I'm prettier than I was at 24, if I can be vain for a sec.
And if I'm wrong about something, I own my shit. If my husband and I are annoyed at each other, we talk it out productively, forgive, and show one another grace. If I'm feeling like I screwed up at work, I dive in and make my next story 50 times better, or I spin, or do yoga, or drink wine with my two best friends and we laugh until our faces hurt, rather than me going and meeting up with 12 acquaintances who I "think" I should be socializing with just to say I did or pass the time.
I'll sit at a restaurant by myself these days or ask dumb questions if I think they need to be asked, or put myself out there a bit. Maybe it's the relatively-newfound confidence, but I think that's what makes you beautiful: being happy in your skin, literally and figuratively. Actual joy and self-assuredness -- that's what people notice. Have you ever looked at someone you really admire and thought, "if only she could lose 5 pounds?" Yeah, me neither. No one cares about that.
Even if you're sitting here rn, thinking like, "20-year-old Michelle, that doesn't sound like the Michelle I know," just be aware that it was very real. It's not as if I crept around life all shy and timid and scared to ask the waiter for more ranch. (Never!) I just ... had some situations, some relationships, and some times that didn't feel quite right. I didn't even know how to classify them at the time. But now I'm just like, happier, more alive and more myself, and it's easier to look back on shit and say, "What a weird time that was, to be alive."
Oh, and one final note: Instagram filters and finally learning how to apply makeup/dress for our bodies ... probably helped. Did that just negate my entire blog post?
Really and truly though: 30s > 20s all day. Now please tell me if you think I'm nuts, or if you're having the same experience!
So yeah, I know I'm only two years in. But for me, so far, my 30s have been like:
-- I deserve to be here. I deserve to have a voice.
If I don't stand up and advocate for myself, my thoughts and my work, who will?
-- I actually know what I want.
Going and getting it, BRB!
-- Cliche but true: Life is too short.
"What do you have to lose?" or "What's the worst thing that could happen?" <--- I ask myself those questions probably twice a day.
-- SAY IT.*
*Also, I don't mean I'm one of those "she tells it like it is!" people. But yeah, if something needs to be said, and it can be done with tact and grace, I'll say it. Firm and direct don't have to mean rude. On the contrary, whenever people are like, "ohhh she's just really REAL. She can't sugarcoat things," I'm like, ohhhh, so her reality must be all of our reality? It takes way more willpower to show restraint than it does to pop off and "tell it like it is."
I really can't stomach that shit.
--------------
And one final thing on the physical beauty front. Everyone ages differently; I get that. Just because my skin has improved ever-so slightly doesn't mean I'm feeling myself 24/7. We all have those gross days where nothing fits just right, or your friends are looking way cuter, or you just want to throw your hands up, like, whyyyyyy?
I still get occasional breakouts. I have a tiny pooch from where I held my baby kangaroos. I definitely have bags under my eyes and crow's feet like a m-f. (I hear sleep is supposed to fix those issues? LMK where I might be able to find some of that). But STILL, you guys. Still! I think I'm prettier than I was at 24, if I can be vain for a sec.
And if I'm wrong about something, I own my shit. If my husband and I are annoyed at each other, we talk it out productively, forgive, and show one another grace. If I'm feeling like I screwed up at work, I dive in and make my next story 50 times better, or I spin, or do yoga, or drink wine with my two best friends and we laugh until our faces hurt, rather than me going and meeting up with 12 acquaintances who I "think" I should be socializing with just to say I did or pass the time.
I'll sit at a restaurant by myself these days or ask dumb questions if I think they need to be asked, or put myself out there a bit. Maybe it's the relatively-newfound confidence, but I think that's what makes you beautiful: being happy in your skin, literally and figuratively. Actual joy and self-assuredness -- that's what people notice. Have you ever looked at someone you really admire and thought, "if only she could lose 5 pounds?" Yeah, me neither. No one cares about that.
Even if you're sitting here rn, thinking like, "20-year-old Michelle, that doesn't sound like the Michelle I know," just be aware that it was very real. It's not as if I crept around life all shy and timid and scared to ask the waiter for more ranch. (Never!) I just ... had some situations, some relationships, and some times that didn't feel quite right. I didn't even know how to classify them at the time. But now I'm just like, happier, more alive and more myself, and it's easier to look back on shit and say, "What a weird time that was, to be alive."
Oh, and one final note: Instagram filters and finally learning how to apply makeup/dress for our bodies ... probably helped. Did that just negate my entire blog post?
Really and truly though: 30s > 20s all day. Now please tell me if you think I'm nuts, or if you're having the same experience!
