I'm still the one with the newborn, right? Providing her age to strangers, in weeks? No?
It made me a little teary actually, like, she's only going to turn 1 once. And this is it. How can it be here already?
I felt weirdly powerless. Like, it's time. Whether I like it or not, time keeps moving and Ana's growing up. Right before our eyes.
It's like that line from the Six Feet Under finale (omg, best show ever/best series finale ever/best writing ever). But Nate says to Claire, "You can't take a picture of this. It's already gone."
It made me a little teary actually, like, she's only going to turn 1 once. And this is it. How can it be here already?
I felt weirdly powerless. Like, it's time. Whether I like it or not, time keeps moving and Ana's growing up. Right before our eyes.
It's like that line from the Six Feet Under finale (omg, best show ever/best series finale ever/best writing ever). But Nate says to Claire, "You can't take a picture of this. It's already gone."
Like, and I OBVIOUSLY can take 4,500 pictures. (And I do). And it helps with those fleeting feelings. Honestly, when I can't sleep, I just like, sit in bed and watch old videos from my phone, and I say things like, "I remember that!" To which James responds, "Well I would hope so. That was like, six months ago." He even LOLs at the idea of "old" photos and videos. She's 1, not 91.
But the point is, no matter how many pictures I take, some things you just can't bottle. And I wish I could.
I would bottle up entire days if I could, just so I could relive them when I'm 45. I'd save memories; even the most boring of days around the house. Feelings. The curve of her cheek in my hand. The sound of her squeaky, vibrate-y giggle. Or like, days when my heart might explode when James wraps his arms around the two of us and I just feel overwhelmed with love for our tiny family, and want Ana to stay small forever.
 |
| The little girl loves her stuffed animals. |
I would bottle up entire days if I could, just so I could relive them when I'm 45. I'd save memories; even the most boring of days around the house. Feelings. The curve of her cheek in my hand. The sound of her squeaky, vibrate-y giggle. Or like, days when my heart might explode when James wraps his arms around the two of us and I just feel overwhelmed with love for our tiny family, and want Ana to stay small forever.
So yeah. Her birthday left me in a puddle of emotion, in case that wasn't abundantly clear. I cried a few happy tears sitting on the couch with James after everyone had gone to bed (well, Ana and Carolyn). James' mom stayed with us that birthday-party weekend.
It's just so surreal. I still feel like the one with a tiny baby, but I'm not. We've had the most transformational year, and I loved so, so much of it. OK, I won't say I loved EVERY second. There were definite challenges and moments of stress. And nights where I just longed and ached for a few more hours of sleep ... but I really wouldn't trade any of it. Cliche but true.
And now I have a 1-year-old.
It's just so surreal. I still feel like the one with a tiny baby, but I'm not. We've had the most transformational year, and I loved so, so much of it. OK, I won't say I loved EVERY second. There were definite challenges and moments of stress. And nights where I just longed and ached for a few more hours of sleep ... but I really wouldn't trade any of it. Cliche but true.
And now I have a 1-year-old.
I think I'll always take this memory with me: As James and I were sitting on the couch, dissecting Analisa's first year on that birthday-party Saturday, she woke up.
We gave her a few minutes to self-soothe (which she usually does just fine, and goes right back to sleep), but she was really fussing that night. So I got off the couch, lifted that teeny body from her crib and just rocked her. I held her to my chest and just CHERISHED her. You know, it's one of those things you're never supposed to do, get the baby out of her crib. But f it, you know? I sang her Landslide by Fleetwood Mac in a super hushed voice (a tradition of ours), and then James came up behind me and just held us close. I got so choked up, like, these moments are so fleeting and I'll miss them terribly. I already know that! It's truly not the nauseating childbirth or the wake-ups every three hours for the first month, or the fits in the checkout line that you remember. It's this. She's my baby. My first baby. My only baby.
I am not eloquent today.
We gave her a few minutes to self-soothe (which she usually does just fine, and goes right back to sleep), but she was really fussing that night. So I got off the couch, lifted that teeny body from her crib and just rocked her. I held her to my chest and just CHERISHED her. You know, it's one of those things you're never supposed to do, get the baby out of her crib. But f it, you know? I sang her Landslide by Fleetwood Mac in a super hushed voice (a tradition of ours), and then James came up behind me and just held us close. I got so choked up, like, these moments are so fleeting and I'll miss them terribly. I already know that! It's truly not the nauseating childbirth or the wake-ups every three hours for the first month, or the fits in the checkout line that you remember. It's this. She's my baby. My first baby. My only baby.
I am not eloquent today.
So, the year update. Let's hop to it!
Ana's actual birthday/her birthday party
Ana turned 1 on Dec. 8, which was a Thursday. James and I both took the day off work, because we figured, why not? As much as I love Emily, who watches Ana while I work during the week, I thought it would break my heart if Emily got to spend the very first birthday with our Little Bear. So James and I made an elaborate, lofty plan to take Anz to the zoo. "Early!" we said. "Rain or shine!" we said. "No matter how cold it is! We don't care!" we said.
... And then we woke up and it was cold. The weather had called our bluff. And we were tired (all three of us, really). When Ana went down for her nap that day, James and I did, too. By the time we were all dressed and ready for the day, it was late afternoon. So we ran a few errands, headed down to Royal Oak and met my parents for dinner. We (I) had picked Bigalora previously, because I figured it was across the street-ish from the zoo. I then decided even though the zoo had been a bust, Bigalora was still delicious. So my parents met us there for a tiny celebration. We had fried brussels, pizza, chopped salad and drinks. Then we stopped at Astoria on the way back to my parents', and grabbed some carry-out desserts. Yum, yum and yum.
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| Reading a card from Uncle Robby. |
We didn't do much with Leese and Bob ... Ana played in an Amazon box (her favorite gift of all), my parents and brother got her a few things (although the grandparents' main gift to her involved paying me back for her Minnie kitchen I found on one of my buy-trade-sell moms resale groups); and then suddenly Ana was so tired. So we dropped her in the Pack 'n Play upstairs and waited till she was asleep, then James and I headed to Ye Olde Saloon for a celebratory beverage. We kept our baby alive all year! Cheers. (Also, to my RO peeps, I have NO idea why we picked Ye Olde. I just wanted somewhere close by, no-frills, laid back, cheap, with good lighting and no band). Anddddd this is how I know I'm 30. Also, I'd never been.
ANYWAYYYYY.
We weren't out for long. Then we came back to my parents', grabbed LB in her sleep, moved her to the car seat and came back home. We like to call this Von Trapping -- when we flee in the night without telling Anz ;) A quick hour up I-75 in our SUV with heated seats is exactly the same as the Sound of Music family bouncing over the mountains to escape the Nazis, right?
So, that was Ana's birthday. James and I both worked the next day (bummer, but that's the news business, I suppose), and thennnnn we had her party on Saturday.
Saturday morning was such a cluster.
We woke up at like, 5:30 (and don't ask what time we went to bed). We mayyyyybe got 45 minutes of sleep. Proceeded to pick up James' mom from the airport. Unpacked the car, and left Ana and Carolyn at my parents'. Ran to Costco just the two of us to grab the cake, a bunch of frozen quiche, fruit, pastries and mimosa ingredients. And my mom saved us by grabbing a few balloons and a few boxes of Biggby coffee.
I swear, I was doing my makeup 5 minutes before people were supposed to arrive. Luckily, it was a relaxed morning. No one was really on time, anyway. We had plenty of time for the quiche to finish up in the oven and to set everything out and make it pretty. My parents' house was warm and cozy and I was glad we were able to use it!
For a little context, I threw my parents a deck party/joint 60th birthday thing/anniversary soiree in October ... and man did we spend a LOT of time prepping food, and timing everything and investing in ingredients. I think I would have gone a little more Type-A crazy if it weren't for that deck party. This time around, I was just like, "still exhausted from October, we're going to Costco and throwing together the simplest brunch of all time!" But no regrets. Everything was delicious. It cost next to nothing. And we were able to drive home afterward for a long weekend with James' mom, so there wasn't any back and forth between our place and Royal Oak. And that's what stopped me from doing an evening-type thing in the first place; I wanted to be able to pick Carolyn up from the airport and be settled back in Fenton within a half-day.
But as for the party, like I said, it was truly lovely. We didn't really take into consideration that Ana goes down for a late-morning nap (and she's consistent af on this), so we did have a SLEEPY bear on our hands at one point. All her pictures started to look like this:
She had no interest in cake (too tired). And then she just got crabbers. So we took her upstairs for a nap and enjoyed the rest of the party without her. ;)
We wrapped up and it was still fairly early, so we stopped at Great Lakes Crossing on our way back (but didn't buy anything), then just kinda laid low the rest of the evening. The weather was snowy, to say the least.
Let's hop back to little bear ... Ana's talking!
"Mama" and "dada" have been a thing for awhile. Lately, we keep thinking she added "bye!" to her repertoire.
She does this thing where she wants to launch herself off our bed (which is pretty high up). Probably a few months ago, we started grabbing her leg, so that she couldn't move. We'd sometimes go, "bye Ana! Good luck down there! See ya later!" and watch her struggle to try and break free from our grip.
Anyway, we were all in bed maybe two weeks ago, and she was dying to jump or lower herself off our bed, and I swear, she turned to us and said (very clearly), "BYE!" James and I looked at each other like, "whoa!"
Haha, otherwise, cute baby babble continues in full force. Sometimes she sounds Japanese. Sometimes it's like a British man. Who knows; Dr. Jenn says they're sometimes saying words -- it's just that we're not listening well, and she struggles to pronounce things correctly. But she's really trying! We do a lot of back and forth, and I let her know I'm listening. I've heard, at times, what sounds like it could be "hello," "oh no," "no," "yeah" and "what."
And of course "OH!" remains KING. I swear it makes us laugh every day. Even though she's been saying it since early October (clear as day), it will never NOT be funny. She changes the tone of it based on what you're saying. If you tell her something interesting, "Ana, mama didn't walk till she was 16 months. I was a little slow because I was born early!" she'll say, "ohhhhhhh." Like she understands! Or if you tell her something curious, she'll do more of a yelpy, "oh?!"
We were at our home inspection and the guy was just cracking up. "Your furnace is good for now, but keep an eye on it over the next 10 years." "OH?" "You're going to want to call a plumber to revisit the issue in the second bathroom, too." "Ohhhhhhh." She was just responding to everything!
A few new tricks
You can now ask her, "where's your ear?" or "where's your belly button?" or "where's your head?" and she'll show you. (She's already known nose and a few others for awhile).
You can also say, "will you show me open/shut them?" And she'll open and close her hands. She'll stick out her tongue, even if you don't show her first what that means, and you can ask her about characters in her favorite books and she'll sometimes get the answer right, like, "which one is Pout-Pout? Can you show me?" She points. She continues to LOVE books. I swear, if she's not trying to poke through the garbage or get into the cupboards underneath the kitchen sink, she just wants to flip through her books and point at things. Or go through the pages, "read" out loud and point. It is SO SO cute.
She can follow instructions and loves to "stand up! Sit down!" The other day, she shot up, and yelled, "up!" Although she prefers to stand 10 out of 10 times.
We've been making teeth-brushing a fun game -- even though the flyer from our pediatrician said you can wait till they have 10-ish teeth, I thought, it's never too early to start. I don't use toothpaste, I just say, "let's brush your teeth!" and I wet down the brush. I show her how I do mine, and then we do hers.
She thinks it's pretty funny. She has the best laugh right now. Sometimes it's real, and sometimes she'll pretend to laugh at something, which is honestly hilar. James will laugh at me and she'll join in, or pretend a book is funny, or just SQUEAL in delight, and it's just like, have you ever seen a happier baby in your whole life?
She's obviously been watching me closely during getting-ready time, or in the bathroom. Did you see the video on my Instagram where my mom handed her a makeup wipe, and she blotted her lips? And then she's been begging for my pink beauty blender (it's just this little pink sponge I use to blend my foundation and concealer) -- at first, I didn't want to let her have it. I thought she'd put it in her mouth, and it's due for a wash.
But she was REALLY going for it the other day. I couldn't distract her out of it, and she's at the age where when she wants something, she's gonna let you know. Basically until she gets it! So I groaned and handed over the silly little blender. And you guys ... she "blended" her face! She dabbed it all over just like I do, and it made me tear up a little! She's just SUCH a little person and she's absorbing everything! It's crazy.
She's also walking!
I swear, it was overnight.
For awhile she'd been comfortable standing and cruising. And we'd encourage her to "come to mama!" or "walk to dad!" and outstretch our arms like you see on the commercials, and she just ... wouldn't. She'd hit the deck, actually, and crawl over to us as fast as she could. She's SUCH a fast crawler. She tears around the house at lightning speed; James and I were always like, "what's gonna motivate her to walk when she's THIS good of a crawler?"
Then she strung together a few wobbly teeny, tiny steps. And she wouldn't do 'em when prompted. But I swear, when no one was looking, she'd go. Emily would tell me she had a couple steps before bed. James would swear they happened on his mornings (we alternate who gets to sleep in; I realize this sounds like a custody agreement). But I'd only seen like, three steps, tops. And they were honestly so small and pathetic, I didn't even know that I'd count them as real steps.
And then we saw this baby around Ana's age in front of us at church on Christmas Eve, and by the end of the mass, both babies were in the hallway, post-meltdowns. The little boy was taking these CRAZY big, ambitious lunges. Arms out, shoes on, and I was like, "doubt Ana's gonna be there any time soon."
But then the next day, or maybe two days later, she was proving me wrong!
She's still not a lunger. Her steps are small and calculated. She doesn't fall much, but when she does, it's straight on her butt, which doesn't upset her. She doesn't put her arms out for balance, but does like to hold something in her hands (does she think she's holding onto an actual item to steady herself? We'll never know).
I think I'd list Dec. 27 as the first day that she was walking walking. So, just about three weeks past her first birthday. This was one of the few benchmarks she didn't hit early, but I'd say around the one-year mark is still about average. I read somewhere that it's not a bad thing if your baby doesn't walk early ... it just means she's content. She's not trying to push the envelope; she's secure in her current state and doesn't want to get hurt, or go too fast and feel rushed. I mean, you can obviously find almost anything online to back up what you want to hear or read -- so maybe that just made me feel better? I never felt scared that she wouldn't do it. She was just so close for so long. So when she finally started chugging along more regularly, I was just happy for her! We now have an official walker.
And for reference, when she's really excited, she'll still crawl. Whatever!
I have so many more updates, but based on how long this thing is already and how long it's taken me, I'm going to continue in the 13-month entry! See you there.
ANYWAYYYYY.
We weren't out for long. Then we came back to my parents', grabbed LB in her sleep, moved her to the car seat and came back home. We like to call this Von Trapping -- when we flee in the night without telling Anz ;) A quick hour up I-75 in our SUV with heated seats is exactly the same as the Sound of Music family bouncing over the mountains to escape the Nazis, right?
So, that was Ana's birthday. James and I both worked the next day (bummer, but that's the news business, I suppose), and thennnnn we had her party on Saturday.
Saturday morning was such a cluster.
We woke up at like, 5:30 (and don't ask what time we went to bed). We mayyyyybe got 45 minutes of sleep. Proceeded to pick up James' mom from the airport. Unpacked the car, and left Ana and Carolyn at my parents'. Ran to Costco just the two of us to grab the cake, a bunch of frozen quiche, fruit, pastries and mimosa ingredients. And my mom saved us by grabbing a few balloons and a few boxes of Biggby coffee.
I swear, I was doing my makeup 5 minutes before people were supposed to arrive. Luckily, it was a relaxed morning. No one was really on time, anyway. We had plenty of time for the quiche to finish up in the oven and to set everything out and make it pretty. My parents' house was warm and cozy and I was glad we were able to use it!
 |
| Me and my girl. |
For a little context, I threw my parents a deck party/joint 60th birthday thing/anniversary soiree in October ... and man did we spend a LOT of time prepping food, and timing everything and investing in ingredients. I think I would have gone a little more Type-A crazy if it weren't for that deck party. This time around, I was just like, "still exhausted from October, we're going to Costco and throwing together the simplest brunch of all time!" But no regrets. Everything was delicious. It cost next to nothing. And we were able to drive home afterward for a long weekend with James' mom, so there wasn't any back and forth between our place and Royal Oak. And that's what stopped me from doing an evening-type thing in the first place; I wanted to be able to pick Carolyn up from the airport and be settled back in Fenton within a half-day.
But as for the party, like I said, it was truly lovely. We didn't really take into consideration that Ana goes down for a late-morning nap (and she's consistent af on this), so we did have a SLEEPY bear on our hands at one point. All her pictures started to look like this:
She had no interest in cake (too tired). And then she just got crabbers. So we took her upstairs for a nap and enjoyed the rest of the party without her. ;)
We wrapped up and it was still fairly early, so we stopped at Great Lakes Crossing on our way back (but didn't buy anything), then just kinda laid low the rest of the evening. The weather was snowy, to say the least.
Let's hop back to little bear ... Ana's talking!
"Mama" and "dada" have been a thing for awhile. Lately, we keep thinking she added "bye!" to her repertoire.
She does this thing where she wants to launch herself off our bed (which is pretty high up). Probably a few months ago, we started grabbing her leg, so that she couldn't move. We'd sometimes go, "bye Ana! Good luck down there! See ya later!" and watch her struggle to try and break free from our grip.
Anyway, we were all in bed maybe two weeks ago, and she was dying to jump or lower herself off our bed, and I swear, she turned to us and said (very clearly), "BYE!" James and I looked at each other like, "whoa!"
Haha, otherwise, cute baby babble continues in full force. Sometimes she sounds Japanese. Sometimes it's like a British man. Who knows; Dr. Jenn says they're sometimes saying words -- it's just that we're not listening well, and she struggles to pronounce things correctly. But she's really trying! We do a lot of back and forth, and I let her know I'm listening. I've heard, at times, what sounds like it could be "hello," "oh no," "no," "yeah" and "what."
And of course "OH!" remains KING. I swear it makes us laugh every day. Even though she's been saying it since early October (clear as day), it will never NOT be funny. She changes the tone of it based on what you're saying. If you tell her something interesting, "Ana, mama didn't walk till she was 16 months. I was a little slow because I was born early!" she'll say, "ohhhhhhh." Like she understands! Or if you tell her something curious, she'll do more of a yelpy, "oh?!"
We were at our home inspection and the guy was just cracking up. "Your furnace is good for now, but keep an eye on it over the next 10 years." "OH?" "You're going to want to call a plumber to revisit the issue in the second bathroom, too." "Ohhhhhhh." She was just responding to everything!
A few new tricks
You can now ask her, "where's your ear?" or "where's your belly button?" or "where's your head?" and she'll show you. (She's already known nose and a few others for awhile).
You can also say, "will you show me open/shut them?" And she'll open and close her hands. She'll stick out her tongue, even if you don't show her first what that means, and you can ask her about characters in her favorite books and she'll sometimes get the answer right, like, "which one is Pout-Pout? Can you show me?" She points. She continues to LOVE books. I swear, if she's not trying to poke through the garbage or get into the cupboards underneath the kitchen sink, she just wants to flip through her books and point at things. Or go through the pages, "read" out loud and point. It is SO SO cute.
 |
| What a nugget you are. |
She can follow instructions and loves to "stand up! Sit down!" The other day, she shot up, and yelled, "up!" Although she prefers to stand 10 out of 10 times.
We've been making teeth-brushing a fun game -- even though the flyer from our pediatrician said you can wait till they have 10-ish teeth, I thought, it's never too early to start. I don't use toothpaste, I just say, "let's brush your teeth!" and I wet down the brush. I show her how I do mine, and then we do hers.
She thinks it's pretty funny. She has the best laugh right now. Sometimes it's real, and sometimes she'll pretend to laugh at something, which is honestly hilar. James will laugh at me and she'll join in, or pretend a book is funny, or just SQUEAL in delight, and it's just like, have you ever seen a happier baby in your whole life?
She's obviously been watching me closely during getting-ready time, or in the bathroom. Did you see the video on my Instagram where my mom handed her a makeup wipe, and she blotted her lips? And then she's been begging for my pink beauty blender (it's just this little pink sponge I use to blend my foundation and concealer) -- at first, I didn't want to let her have it. I thought she'd put it in her mouth, and it's due for a wash.
But she was REALLY going for it the other day. I couldn't distract her out of it, and she's at the age where when she wants something, she's gonna let you know. Basically until she gets it! So I groaned and handed over the silly little blender. And you guys ... she "blended" her face! She dabbed it all over just like I do, and it made me tear up a little! She's just SUCH a little person and she's absorbing everything! It's crazy.
She's also walking!
I swear, it was overnight.
For awhile she'd been comfortable standing and cruising. And we'd encourage her to "come to mama!" or "walk to dad!" and outstretch our arms like you see on the commercials, and she just ... wouldn't. She'd hit the deck, actually, and crawl over to us as fast as she could. She's SUCH a fast crawler. She tears around the house at lightning speed; James and I were always like, "what's gonna motivate her to walk when she's THIS good of a crawler?"
Then she strung together a few wobbly teeny, tiny steps. And she wouldn't do 'em when prompted. But I swear, when no one was looking, she'd go. Emily would tell me she had a couple steps before bed. James would swear they happened on his mornings (we alternate who gets to sleep in; I realize this sounds like a custody agreement). But I'd only seen like, three steps, tops. And they were honestly so small and pathetic, I didn't even know that I'd count them as real steps.
And then we saw this baby around Ana's age in front of us at church on Christmas Eve, and by the end of the mass, both babies were in the hallway, post-meltdowns. The little boy was taking these CRAZY big, ambitious lunges. Arms out, shoes on, and I was like, "doubt Ana's gonna be there any time soon."
But then the next day, or maybe two days later, she was proving me wrong!
 |
| Bear in the new house. |
She's still not a lunger. Her steps are small and calculated. She doesn't fall much, but when she does, it's straight on her butt, which doesn't upset her. She doesn't put her arms out for balance, but does like to hold something in her hands (does she think she's holding onto an actual item to steady herself? We'll never know).
I think I'd list Dec. 27 as the first day that she was walking walking. So, just about three weeks past her first birthday. This was one of the few benchmarks she didn't hit early, but I'd say around the one-year mark is still about average. I read somewhere that it's not a bad thing if your baby doesn't walk early ... it just means she's content. She's not trying to push the envelope; she's secure in her current state and doesn't want to get hurt, or go too fast and feel rushed. I mean, you can obviously find almost anything online to back up what you want to hear or read -- so maybe that just made me feel better? I never felt scared that she wouldn't do it. She was just so close for so long. So when she finally started chugging along more regularly, I was just happy for her! We now have an official walker.
And for reference, when she's really excited, she'll still crawl. Whatever!
I have so many more updates, but based on how long this thing is already and how long it's taken me, I'm going to continue in the 13-month entry! See you there.
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