4 months!

OK, four months is officially THEEEEEEEE CUTEST AGE.

Obvi, Ana was cute the day she was born (although, James thinks it took a few hours. I did not). AG was cute at a week old, a month old, two months old, etc. etc. etc.

But four months? Four months. Is the best!

My sweet baby girl.

I look back at her old pics (lol, "old pics," they're from like, 90 days ago), and it's like, she wasn't even half as adorable as she is now -- now that she has a little personality (err, BIG personality), and she's filled out a bunch, and smiles at you and laughs constantly. She's so easygoing and happy. I just love her with my whole heart and soul!

Is this trend going to continue? The cuteness, I mean?

Well, until like, middle school? I already cannot handle it. I look at her in the mornings, and it's like, HOW.

How?

K, I'll take a few plays off. The gushing is out of control. But really. How did we make such a sweet baby?

Here's what's up lately:

The bouncer

The bouncer! We played in there twice today. One day last week, she spent a full hour straight in there. Do you know how long an hour is, in baby time?

Anyway, our bouncer is one of those bouncy things (not to overwhelm you with technical terms) you attach to a door frame, and let Anzy putz around in. I think I mentioned it in the 3-month update, when we purchased the thing.

At first, she just liked sitting independently, but she didn't really get it. I put her in there like, once a day, and tried to help her put two and two together ... but it didn't really CLICK till maybe a week or so ago. And now, she goes HAM in there! It's so cute to watch.

She continues to love standing. So this thing is perfect. Also, sometimes I hold her feet off the ground and use it as a swing, and she just giggles and giggles. Her laughs are maybe my favorite sound ever.

One of the rare pics where I actually think she looks like me!

She's sleeping in her room for most of the night!

YEP. We were bed-sharing for awhile (judge away, but sorry we're not sorry), but I mostly wanted to cut back because of how it was impacting MY sleep. (Selfish, I know). Don't get me wrong, we'd have nights where she was the sweetest, most cuddliest, loviest baby of all time ... and I'd be all, "I love co-sleeping and I never want to stop!" James said he loved coming home to it, too -- me and Anz all snuggled up together in the warm bed. But yeah, most nights it was like, AG managing to turn herself sideways, with James and I clinging to 5% (each) while Ana took up the other 90.

Like, how does a baby so small manage that?

So, it got old. Now, I'm putting her down in the Pack 'n Play at around 10 each night. She was resisting it at first, but then I read somewhere online that you should try putting a piece of clothing in there with her -- something that smells like either mom or dad. So yeah, a pretty worn-down Golden State T-shirt has been doing the job ever since. I mean, maybe it's BS? Maybe she just got used to the Pack 'n Play? But ... weird coincidence that when I finally tried the shirt trick, she's gone down no problem ever since.

It's actually really cute. I'll go in there some nights and she'll be cuddling with it. Crazy, right?

I've tried the crib instead of the P&P a few times ... but it's hard, because of the sides on the crib -- well, I can't lower Ana to the mattress as easily. So sometimes she startles, and wakes up a bit.

Another time, the mattress itself just seemed to have a bit too much bounce ... and that ruined everything.

Whatever, right? The crib will come with time. Just having her in another room, sleeping on her own is a pretty big win. She'll usually wake up around 5 or 6a, take a quick bottle + diaper change, then go back to sleep with us till 10 or 11 ... even noon. Like I said last time, TFG that baby is an awesome sleeper.

And if she falls asleep in the car seat, like on a drive back from RO Wednesday, I definitely leave her in there!

Because what baby doesn't need a taffeta dress?

This baby is happiest ...

In just her diaper. Basically, she hates clothes. I mean, HATE might be a strong word, but like, if she's fussing, a pretty fool-proof plan is just to undress her.

So cute. I mean, too bad, because I now have 9,000 cute outfits for her, but there's just something about (nearly) naked baby that I love so much.

She's very happy, overall. I feel so lucky!

People always ask, like, "is she really as happy as she seems in pictures?"

YEP!

If she's really upset, it's a tummy issue (needs to eat, or tummy is hurting/needs to get some burps out). She doesn't spit up much. Her burps and gas are that of a 300-pound dude. But yeah, not much mystery behind her cries. She doesn't cry without purpose. Ana is very easy to figure out.

Sweet snuggles with papa.

We (finally) went to the doctor!

You guys, this is huge. We had been uninsured for awhile, waiting for James' coverage to kick in. But it's here, it's on, and Ana is perfectly healthy. We do have a physical therapy appointment set up for later this week, but it's probably just a one- or a two-time thing. AG just needs to learn some neck exercises so that she doesn't keep favoring one side (which she does right now when she lays flat). But no bigs! Just better that we correct it now, rather than waiting until later in life.

What else ... getting her vaccinated was TOUGH. I mean, not the decision or anything, I'm not f'ing crazy. But like, they had James hold her arms down, and I held her legs ... then they did like, three at once, and she burst into tears, I burst into tears; we were a wreck.

(I knew she'd be fine, that was just my reaction! I had no idea I'd be so upset. Her lip quivered, her tears came on STRONG, and the next thing I knew, mine did, too). James took us out to Coney afterward to recover.

Phewwwwww.

The doctor asked if I wanted to do some vaxing now, more later, or what I had in mind. I asked her what she recommended, and she was just like, let's catch her up.

So that we did!

Ana hadn't been seen by a doctor since she was 2 weeks old. So needless to say, we were a bit behind schedule.

I do like this pediatrician though. When I was pregnant, I'd always be like, "I went on Google the other day, watched a video of that crazy thing where they try to flip a breach baby, and that shit's cray, please don't do that to me!" And my midwife would always be like, "yo B, stay off the Internet!"

I mean, she was kidding, but she was also like, leave things to the professionals. Don't freak yourself out. Stop watching YouTube videos. (At least, that was the tone).

But this pediatrician WANTS her patients to do their own research and look stuff up, and play a pretty active role in the decision-making. She was like, "what are you thinking about solids? Should we do the shots now or later? What are you doing about the rat-tail?"*

*JK on that last one.

But yeah, I was pleasantly surprised! I'm a Googler by nature, so I was just like, "cool that you'll approve solids as soon as four months, but she's not showing any of the signs, I'mma hold off. We'll talk about it next time though, sound good?"

The torticollis discussion kind of dominated the appointment, but we'll be back in June for our next one. It just feels goooooood to know we're covered from here on out!

Looking like a little worker girl in Aunt Liz's overalls!

We also went to Rochester.

New York, my Michigan friends, NY. I've told a few people, "downtown Rochester is cute!" And they're all, "I know, haven't you been there a bunch though?"

Rochester, Michigan is about 10-15 minutes from Royal Oak, you see.

ANYWAY, Rochester, NY was fun. It was only like, a six-hour car ride? We probably could have done it in five, but we made several stops along the way. We drove out there after James got outta work, a few Fridays ago. I stayed up with him the whole drive because I'm insane, too. But really, we kind of preferred driving overnight. We took a little nap-ski upon arrival, and we were fine. I mean, what's the alternative? Driving really early Saturday morning? Not on our schedule; it's just easier to stay up a few extra hours.

Ana and Grandma Carolyn

We cut through Canada, and stayed through Monday morning. Fun to have Easter with the Ganleys.

Ana was her sweet self. I was nervous she'd start to have a bit of stranger anxiety? But yeah, it's a little early for that. She was giggling and babbling with everyone, which made me so happy. We crammed a lot in one weekend! And Dinosaur BBQ made my life. Seriously, if you're ever in the area, just do it.

We're going back next month (in late May) for Liz's wedding shower, and then in July for the actual wedding. Nice to have Rochester so close!

A rare shot of us together! Stolen off my Snap : )

Developmentally ...

Girlfriend is kicking up a LOT of drool. This could be the start of teething! She is obsessed with her mouth. If you hand her something, she'll grip it -- then bring it right to her mouth. She's hit herself in the face with some of her harder toys, so we're sticking to all the soft stuff for awhile.

She's chewing on her paci, her fingers, her outfit, my fingers, the side of her changing table, etc. etc. etc. Basically, anything she can get her hands on.

She's making more sound than ever (said that last time, still true), and the laughs are only getting bigger and better. It's really funny -- something might make her crack up hysterically one day, then you'll repeat the same phrase the next day, and she's over it. Or she'll just look at you like you're insane.

Her dimple SLAYS.

She knows to put one foot in front of the other if you kinda maneuver her around. Still loves to hold her own weight, and would rather be "standing" when she's on your lap. She's super active. Only naps for like, 20-minute increments (with occasional exceptions).

Probably due to all the solid sleeping at night!

She's insane. Ana gets so riled up just from like, chatting with her stuffed animals. We do a lot of dancing and a lot of singing -- some of it peaceful and baby-approps, some of it better suited for Rick's or PT's, to Lil Wayne or Wu Tang.

Oh, and we're still killin tummy time.

Her 2T T-shirt ... see below!

Random odds and ends

Rachael and I took her to Birch Run and went a little cray! She's so fun to shop for. At this point, I'm buying stuff SO big! 12-18 months at least, and I think I went even bigger on some of her summer-y outfits from Osh Kosh B'gosh.

Might as well! We still have a while before the warm weather arrives officially. This is NOT California anymore. In fact, it was the coldest Tigers game on record (the one that James and I went to on Saturday).

My mom even got Ana some Tigers Ts that were ... wait for it ... 2T. And one already fits. I have a ginormous baby.

Don't even get me started on Old Navy. Those sizes make no sense.

What else -- Syracuse featured Ana on its social media accounts before the Final Four game! Gah I was so pumped.

Snapchat has been the best for sharing quick video clips and pics. It's really fun to document our days, even if they're a touch slow!

I'm finishing up the final stages to qualify for this freelance editing job. I know I don't have to work, but I want to. It's just who I am. I miiiiiight look into another possibility, but I'm not going to write about it on here until I know more. Getting to stay home with Analisa has been the best, and I'm still not looking into daycares. Lately, I just have this overwhelming urge to pay off my credit cards/James' student loans, and really save for a house. What if there was a way I could make a little extra on the side, without having to pass off AG? Stay tuned.

And also ... any other relatively new moms out there? Wash your hair every now and again. I say this not at all in a judging way. It's just a reminder I need to apply to my own life every so often, so I thought I'd spread the message. It's way too easy to let three, four, seven days go by without any shampoo. I got fully showered (and even shaved my legs!) AND applied makeup for the Tigers game. And it felt really spectacular. I think I need to get after it a bit more often.

Seeeeeee you next month!

I'll have to let you know how Ana does with PUPPIES. Robby andddd my parents have Bernese mountain dogs joining the family! We meet them on Saturday and I'm so so excited!

3 months!

Analisa is 3 months old! Well, three months and a week, if you want to get specific.

Grabbing her hands up by the face is becoming her signature move : )

Where is the time going/I can't even believe it/she was just a week old yesterday/ETC!  So ... everything they said, has been completely true. As cliche as it sounds -- the time really is FLYING by. I look over at her some days, and it's like, SHE'S HUGE.

I just want to gobble up those cheeks.

Literally.

JKJKJKJK! I cannot STAND the "literal" abuse. The misuse of this word has been an epidemic (figuratively) for a while now, but maybe the fact that it's election seaz? Literallys are flying off the shelf, and I'm going insane.

<Not literally.>

End rant.

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT ANA. Let's dive in!

She's up all the time!

I mean, don't get me wrong, she still naps. She's actually a pretty awesome sleeper. She got 12 hours the other night, no joke. (!!!) And when she DOES wake up in the night, she takes some bottle and goes right back down. I feel like we hit the jackpot when it comes to sleepy babies. Because James and I lovvvvve to sleep (silly statement -- everyone loves to sleep, right?)   But yeah, as it turns out, A does, too. Score.

If anyone spots more headbands like this, message me and tell me WHERE! I'm struggling to find more.

But what was I saying? She sleeps well, but she's up more and more.

Even like, at the 2-month mark, she was still napping a ton, compared to where she is now. Now it's like, she's such a little person. She'll still get drowsy after a bottle, but like, she's up with me in the mornings. She's hanging out all afternoon and evening. She's usually up till 9:30-10 with me, which is like, HI BABY, we've been up together all day.

Sometimes I fear that she gets bored with me? I was talking to my mom, and I was like, "I feel bad, it's like, all we do some days is like, read a bunch of books, run an errand or two, play on her activity mat, have some tummy time, walk around the house and point out things, cuddle and sing songs." My mom was like, "um, that actually sounds like a lot. I think you fear she's bored because YOU'RE bored."

Definitely might be some truth to that.

I love love love that I can stay home with her -- I've said it before, I'll say it again; can't emphasize that enough. If I had to return to work right now, I'd probably be FUMING and cry about it every day. But yeah, that doesn't mean I'm completely stimulated at home. Some days I'm going a little stir cray.

James gets home and I'm like, a puppy, jumping up and down, so pumped to see my human. "Hi hi hi guess what I saw on TV and guess what Ana did and you have to watch our Snapchat and I missed you and how was your show and hi hi hi!"

I'm on a tangent! Back to the topic ...

Happiest baby alive.

Ana's even up as we run errands. That's new! It used to be like, you'd set her in the car seat and she'd be lights out. Which was so convenient for going out to dinner, or a particularly long grocery store trip, or whatever. It was almost like she wasn't even there. Now it's like, my mom and I tried to go out to eat last week? And not only was she awake the entire time, but she melted down. First public meltdown, in fact! We felt so sad for her. She was the happiest little girl on the planet, smiling at us, making little faces ... until she got a panicked look in her eye, and started screaming. And wouldn't stop. Basically, my mom walked the stairs with her while I got the check and packed up our food ON THE QUICK. I think it was a combo of overstimulation and tummy troubles. She can really wail when her stomach hurts, it's pretty distinctive.

Her being awake more and more also makes it harder to get in all my pumping sessions. I used to do 5-7 a day. Now it's more like 4. But that's kind of fine with my body; I mean, four is still a lot. And pumping less frequently means I get bigger hauls each time. She's eating more and more, so it's hard to keep up, but that's what the supplementary formula is for, I guess. (I'll always feel bad about not being able to BF exclusively, but that's life, I suppose. Gotta roll with the punches and feel grateful I've been able to give her a majority of breastmilk!)

Needless to say, it's tougher to be productive around the house, as well, with AG always up. Just keeping her alive/entertained/happy, and getting all my pumps in takes up ... 75% of my day? I have a post coming with all the pumping deetz, in case any of you (six) readers ever falls into a similar sitch and you're wondering what to buy, or how to make it all work.

So yeah, I know I mentioned it's a little boring, staying home with babes -- but it's not like you can work on projects, either. It's just this weird middle ground where like, you're doing stuff ... it's just not that exciting as an adult. Does that make any sense? I don't want to sound contradictory, but it's diffy to capture the essence of my days. OBVS, hanging out with AG is a blast. To see her face light up and be around her for all the development? Incredible. But like, yeah, if I have to bounce around my apartment or read Five Little Monkeys one more time .... omg.

I'm attempting to make mom-friends in the area, but it's turning out to be harder than I anticipated.

What else?

Looking so Eyeconic.

We moved!

For the first time in FOREVER, I feel like we're settled in. All of our stuff is in one spot, we're not in any weird in-between phase, and we're not going anywhere immediately.

Well, we are visiting Rochester (NY, not Michigan) in about two weeks, but you know what I mean. We don't have a move in our imminent future. And it feels so good!

Ana has her own room, Jimmy has been awesome at setting up all her baby stuff (that shit is TOUGH), my mom and I are doing some light decorating ... huge sigh of relief!

Staying at my grandma's while we were between California and Michigan was so nice. But having our own spot to really call home, and being able to quit suitcase life? (I lived out of the same suitcase for 2 months) ... is the bestttttttt.

I mean, it was a BIG suitcase, but.

Moving right along!

"Our son looks so cute today," James will say. This is one of those times ; )

Our favorite books:

Elmer, Olive My Love, Brown Bear/Polar Bear what do you see/hear, Global Faces.

Elmer is the shit, Olive My Love is cute, everyone knows BB/PB, and Global Faces is a bit of an lol, it's just like, three sentences but broken up into a book -- it's basically just baby faces. But Ana lovvvvvves them! She is really into faces right now. She wants to make crazy faces, and look at yours. And copy yours. And she chatters with all her stuffed animals, mobile friends and even the faces she sees in her books. It's so cute.

I'm tempted to start a YouTube channel where I talk about what's going on in baby books. First of all, it's like, PEOPLE GET PAID TO WRITE THESE? I need to reexamine my career, like, stat!

Here, I'll do a rough draft of my first best-seller.

There was once a puppy named Stan.
He saw the mailman so he ran.
He ran with his puppy-friend Fran.

Fran and Stan got married, living happily ever after.
And their lives were filled with great laughter.

Actually, WAY TOO ADVANCED.

Hoot.
Woof.
Ribbet!
Hiss.
THE END.

That's more like it. And then on the back it's like, $9.99!

WHAT!

Anyway, my YouTube channel's gonna break down what's happening in these riveting tales. For example, Springtime? It's like, the dog tells the cow, the cow tells the chicken, the chicken tells the lamb, blahblahblah, big game of telephone, spoiler alert on the cover, SPRING IS HERE. It's springtime. Back to you.

In all seriousness, it warms my heart that Ana seems to love reading with me. We do it every day, and she gets excited at some pages, and tries to babble along during others ... it is theeee most precious time we spend together.

Better believe Baby G will be in a Sparty outfit with a Cuse bib if we have to play each other! Already nervous about that possibility.

The right time

Was it my mom who was saying like, it's all about timing? Well, I'm here to confirm: Yep yep and yep.

Like, Ana's Rock n Play for example. When she was first born, I had James rush to put it together as one of the first things we (he) assembled. I thought she'd love to sit in there with the vibrations and a gentle little song. WRONG. She hated it. I think it was because she was too small -- she basically slipped so low in there, and just screamed and screamed.

But now? She lovvvvvvvves it. Usually once a day, I'll put her there while I pump, and she's fine to just kick around, grab her feet, look up at the hanging guys (Clarence and Dorothy are their names), while I do my thang. She'll sleep there from time to time. And when I toss her in there for a sec just to pee or make a sammy, I'll hear her from the other room, squealing in delight or happy-babbling. So cute.

Basically, she's perfect age for the activity mat, as well. I don't think she would have been game even a month ago, but now, it's the perfect entertainment for her. On there, we have Orenthal the Owl, Randy the Raccoon, Elly the Elephant (should have lost points for creativity) and ... I'm forgetting one.

We like to give all Ana's "friends" real-people names! I think it's so funny.

So yeah, speaking of timing, we just set up one of those door bouncers, although I think she'll have to grow into it a bit.

And she's slowly coming around to the idea of being worn, a la the K-Tan!

I know people sometimes swear by a certain baby carrier. K-Tan has been awesome for us so far. It's easy to use (even though we only know one hold so far), it's cute and simple, matches everything, fits us both ... great investment. She fights it if we're just hanging around the house, but will embrace if we're at the mall or the farmers market or somewhere busy. Two weeks ago, she burrowed into James in that thing so hard. And passed right out. We hung at the farmers market for probably an hour or two, and she stayed asleep the whole time.

My favorite onesie currently in the rotation : )

Developmentally ...

Ana is doing everything I mentioned last month: Smiling, laughing, "talking," etc. But now, it's like, amplified times 10! I'm sure she'll continue this trend; it's just so fun to watch. She'll roll over if she's on a soft surface. If she's on the floor, it's harder for her to gain momentum, but the urge is there. It's funny, she'll work SO HARD to roll over, then she'll finally do it, and burst into tears. Like, "but I didn't want tummy time!"  It's like, she hasn't put together that that's what you get from a successful roll.

All she wants to do lately is sit up really tall, or stand. Ana doesn't love laying down much as of late, but if you prop her into standing mode and let her bear weight? She's smiling and squealing.

She's really strong. She can't balance much, but all the weight is definitely on her legs.

She's so expressive, and used to work so hard to get the tiniest squeak out. Now, she babbles all the time. Her laughs still aren't belly laughs, but they're way more frequent -- and loud. So sweet.

She loves to cuddle, and despite cutting off 4-ish inches of my hair, still loves to grab it. If I hold her close during a freakout, she'll usually calm down fairly fast, which makes me feel so much like her mom.

I always think I know what's wrong. "Oh, definitely her stomach, no, she's definitely nervous, oh yeah, just let her stand, no, more bottle this time, yep, just a burp and she'll be good."

I love being that person for her.

That. Face.

And ...

I'm less scared.

Which is great!

I used to be like, scared about the tiniest of details -- if I was doing the right thing going without a schedule, scared to pump without someone in the house to hold her in case of a freakout, scared to take her certain places, scared to move her when she fell asleep, scared for her to wake up, etc.

I mean, it was never debilitating -- I actually think we've been pretty laid back ... we moved across the country with her, and have never canceled plans because of her.

But still. It took me awhile to get into the whole groove of being a mom. It used to be like, if she fell asleep on me, then that's where we'd be: all night. Now it's like, she fell asleep on me? Cool. Let's move her so I can load the dishwasher or type this blog or go nap on my own. What's the worst thing that happens, she wakes up? Whatever, I can get her back down fairly quickly.

I run this. And it feels good.

Being a mom ...

Is the best thing I've ever done. Outside of like, marrying James. Ana and Jimmers are everything.

I didn't know how I'd be at this whole motherhood business, or how I'd feel. But gosh, I just look over at that little girl and melt. She has my whole heart. I want to fix everything, and protect her, and love her forever, and be the best mom I can possibly be.

I want to give her the world (without spoiling her).

Time is going too fast. The days are long, but the years go fast, a friend told me recently. I can completely understand that sentiment.

It's all so bittersweet.

I already miss when she would snuggle me all day and night. I love that she's growing up to be such a healthy, happy baby, but like, it dawns on me from time to time that it's already flying by. I used to set her on my chest and she'd fall right asleep, her chest rising and falling in a quiet rhythm, and I'd lean in and get all that sweet, warm baby breath in my face. Now, I put her up to me and she wants to climb! And squeal in my ear and give me big, drooly "kisses." Still so fun! Just different. I wish I could freeze time! Or bottle these feelings.

What a sweet baby boo. I'll leave you with a final pic!

Fishy baby. Pout-Pout, perhaps?

2 months old: An Analisa update!

Welllllllll, I thought I'd be blogging more than just once a month, and maybe I'll get back on track when she's a little older, but spoiler alert: Taking care of a baby all day is hard work!*

*And, so is working full-time AND taking care of a baby. I'm not throwing shade one way or the other on that whole mommy war!

Anyway, I still think blogging just once a month is fine. It's better than nothing! I'm already excited to look back on these when AG is older.

So ... where were we? So much has changed! Will I say that every time? Probably.

Hi baby!

Our schedule

Has gotten a bit more consistent! I was NOT one of those "get 'em on a schedule ASAP!" people -- at alllllllll. I was very much, "let's just see how this progresses, and if she's still not sleeping through the night a few months in, we'll re-evaluate." Well, I'm here to tell you that we're still existing happily this way! I mean, she's 10 weeks old. She still needs to wake up and eat sometimes, and she's still pretty young. Sometimes she'll sleep through the night no problem, other times she'll have a few days where we'll need to do some overnight meals. Whatever! I'm not going to stress about it. We're both well-rested, overall. And happy! And that's what counts.

I read somewhere not to let babies nap more than 3-4 hours during the day, or they won't sleep at night ... and I'm calling bullshit. Well, bullshit at this stage, anyway. A lot of days, Ana will nap like crazy, and still go to sleep when it's time. And I will NOT wake my sleeping child, no matter the circumstances. (Most likely because I'm probably sleeping next to her, or running around the house, trying to be productive!)

She seems to be getting the hang of days vs. nights. I do try to keep the condo brighter during the day, and keep the lights dim at night, even when we're up. We're kind of under unique circumstances too, with James' work hours. He's on nights -- 3p to midnight, so Ana and I trend toward a later schedule, as well. We don't sync up perfectly with James' sched, but we stay up later and sleep in with him in the mornings. I figure it gives Ana and James a chance to spend more time together. (And me too, of course!)

We also use bath time as a sort-of ritual for when she's still up late at night, and we're ready for bed. We make it all steamy and relaxing in there, give her a warm bath, then I swaddle her and put her down when her eyes are droopy but not yet closed. Bath-swaddle-bottle-book-BED. Works like a charm! At first, she HATED bath time, and I think all the freaking out exhausted her. But now, she seems to really like it in there, which is super cute. We splash around, I point out all her different body parts, and run warm water over her whole body ... she just lights up. I love it!

Tracking

Lately, I've been tracking things in a tiny notebook. How much I pump everyday, when I get the biggest returns, how much Fenugreek and water I had in that time period, etc. Or, I'll track naps. When she's taking them, for how long, and how she slept that night. I've always been a note-taker, but I think a lot of this is just because I'm curious. I'm reluctant to do anything super regimented or structured ... I just want to see how things naturally happen, and fall into good patterns once I note them.

*Note: I did kind of fall off on the tracking front after we got home from Chicago. But I'm still taking mental notes : ) 

Anyway, I've Googled stuff like power pumping, Moms on Call, Baby-Wising your infant ... blah. It's all too much. We'll do things at our pace, and although it's always nice to hear what worked for other people -- the unsolicited advice can be a bit much. If you're a friend and you get pregnant soon, I promise to keep some space when it comes to doling out the words of wisdom! : )  I will also gift you a Snoogle and come bearing food once the baby arrives.

Reading

Ana and Grandma Leese. She loves this page with the butterflies!

Enough boring mom stuff -- let's talk about ANA. She seems to kind of understand what's happening when I read to her! Which makes me so happy. I grew up LOVING books, so I hope she's the same way! When I say she "sort of understands," I mean she stops babbling, and listens instead. She looks at the pages, and when I ask her a question, she'll sometimes give me a little coo or some kind of response! It's so so fun. She's "talking" more and more. Reading has easily become the best part of our days together! We read a LOT. Our favorite is Pout-Pout Fish. I'm going to link to it -- if you're a mom, or need to gift a mom/baby ... check out Pout-Pout! It has a great cadence. Ana loves it. I love it! I have most of it memorized, in fact. (Nothing to brag about, ha). Anddddd we just learned there are a bunch of Pout-Pout books I have yet to purchase! AG's going to be so pumped.

Ana-bear's looks

Am I going to say this every month? She looks so different already! I compare her just-born photos with her 1-month pics, and then I look at her most recent shots ... GAH! She is growing up way too fast. I'm obvi biased, but I think she's the prettiest baby of all time. Those big blue eyes, her tiny little nose and mouth, her crinkly smile? I melt. My favorite times are (well, besides when we read! Already said that), when she curls up on my chest for naps, and when we're just waking up together in the mornings. She peers over at me with those eyes, and she's SO happy. She just lights up. I love being this little girl's mom. How did I get so lucky?

How we all feel at Target.

Of course, the hair isn't cute. I say that with love! But ... the rat tail is still in full effect. Yet, the hair above that has sort of thinned out? Who knows. And she has this cradle cap thing lately, have you heard of this? It's basically just some peely skin on her scalp -- like, right above her forehead. I Google Image-searched it, and hers isn't too bad compared to some of the pics I found. She's just a little scaly. And it's actually just started to really heal up! I put coconut oil (you know, the cure for everything) on it, per Google's recommendation, but it goes away in due time.

And those lashes -- are getting so long and pretty! Is it weird that I want to put some Roller Lash on them? (Kidding. I think).*

*I would never put makeup on my baby! Hahaha. They would look UNREAL though ; )

Cutest mouth of all time?

What she's up to lately

Sitting up! Assisted, obvs. But if I prop her in the corner of the couch or sit her upright on my lap, it's her favorite. And she's really trying to sit up on her own, too! Isn't it funny, they just have these urges to do the next thing. Usually, she scoots herself forward, tries to get her balance, and keels over. But it's really cute to watch her try. So advanced (says the biased mom!)

Anyway ... two Sunday mornings ago? James and I were snuggling with her, and we think she had her first laugh. Just a little giggle, not a belly laugh, but whatever. Jimmy and I looked at each other right away, like, OHMYGOD THAT WAS IT! It was the cutest thing of all time. She definitely is starting to have a bit of personality. She's so sweet and cuddly. She holds my hand when we read and have bottles. It hurts my heart when she's upset. I just want to FIX IT, like, immeds.

I probably said this last time too, but her smiles are just more and more genuine and social. You smile at her, and she'll probably smile back. Not every time, but most of the time!

She loves going over to my parents', which we can do now often, now that we're in Michigan permanently. It's the best. I love going over there too! I rarely feel like I need to hog her, seeing as we spend all day, every day together. I'm more than happy to pass her over to my parents, eat a hot meal (rare over here), and catch up on my texts. Basically, my mom overstimulates her and my dad takes her on buffalo walks. Long story! But it's so nice. We won't be at my grandma's condo forever, so I figure we should live it up in RO for as long as possible. We finally have a place a little closer to James' job, but we're in no rush to actually move in.

What else. She slays tummy time. Not to be one of those braggy parents but ... OK, I will. I looked at this chart of what most/some/all babies are doing, month by month, developmentally -- and Ana-bear kills it. She's so strong already! She tries to bear weight on her legs. She gets really high off the ground when she's on her stomach. She wants to talk and crawl -- she's not close, but you can tell her instincts are there! -- and she just seems so engaged and social. She's awake for a good chunk of the day ... what a big girl! She's an awesome baby.

1986 style! It slays me how much she looks like Jims here.

Baby gear

I do wish we were unpacked and at the new place full-time, mostly because 90% of our baby gear is there! I need to find her Rock and Play, her Pack and Play, basically ALL THE THINGS. She has nowhere I can just leave her around my grandma's, except obvi like, on a blanket on the ground. Which isn't bad, I mean, she can't roll off it, and the carpet is fine. But sometimes I feel like she needs somewhere better to hang, like, if I have to do stuff in the kitchen or around the house.

I was going to buy a fancy carrier, so I could at least hold her and go hands free -- especially because she LIVES to be held these days and doesn't like when I'm out of sight -- but I couldn't decide on one. Taking suggestions! My anchor-friend/former coworker Edie gave me her old carrier, I think it's a Bjorn, but I haven't played around with it enough. I like the idea of the woven kind; hers is a bit more structured. I figure you can never have too many! I read about them, and it sounds like the different ones are just good for different occasions.

And, has anyone tried the Mamaroo? I feel like Ana would love it. Not sure if I can justify the $240, but ... I keep reminding myself, if we have more kids someday, all this will go to good use once again! : )

Ahem, on the second baby front -- don't even ask. Don't be one of those people.

Other stuffs

I miiiiiiight be able to justify the Mamaroo if I get a job! I'm looking into some work from home/freelance-type opportunities at the moment. I'll keep you posted! I don't knock day care at alllll, and might have to put AG into some type of program someday. But that day is not today. I'm really happy to be staying with her as a newborn -- and so thankful that James doesn't mind carrying our financial load for a bit. Still, working from home a few days a week would be such a nice setup.

I still want to write a book, and I think I even have my topic picked out, but again ... things you DON'T have time for with a baby. I might just start drafting, and getting some ideas down. Do you know you can self-publish on Amazon? Pretty cool.

I'm still pumping around the clock, as that's Ana's primary source of food (actually I'm wrapping up this entry to get one final pump in before bed), and I won't lie, it can be exhausting. I should probably write a post on exclusive pumping, and just like, everything I've learned. My life is like, half Ana, half milk-removal. I think I'll do it till she's at least 6 months. Maybe a year. I'll continue to see how it goes.

It's like, every 3 hours: Plug in, give Ana to James or set her up nearby with a pacifier on hand in case of a freakout, start pump, go for 20 minutes, empty collection cups, rinse/wash cups if there's time, log whatcha got. ... But like, you know. Sometimes we'll be out and I'll get off schedule. Or I'll have to pick between a nap and a pump. Or Ana will be content, doing her thing, and it pains me to break the peace just so we can go pump. But that's life, I suppose! Two months down, at least four to go  : /

Overall though: GAH. I love her. She is a dream baby (so far, ha). I love James and our little family. I feel so lucky to be able to stay home and treasure her. And take 9,000 pics. I put so many things on my to-do list every week, and only about half get done, because I'm constantly overestimating how much time I'll have. Some days we're playing in the living room and I'll say, screw all the chores. She'll only be 9 weeks old once. My job is to be her mom, and listen, and understand her cues, and snuggle her, and teach her how to love. I cherish our time together so much.

We'll probably go to New York next month to visit the Ganleys. AG took another road trip last weekend! Sad circumstances, as my Uncle Jack died, but it was really nice for her Chicago family to meet her. Still have to send in some paperwork for Ana's birth certificate and my enhanced driver's license (so that we can drive through Canada), but ... all in good time!

Cutest of all time? Perhaps.

I'm all over the place. Ana is so curious, happy, loving, and funny. I could not be more thrilled to be her mom. Can we freeze time please?

(Am I a broken record? Have I said all this a million times already? Sorrrrrrrry!)

But overall, being a mom is crazy-incredible-frustrating at times-worth every moment. I think my hormones levels are finally starting to return to normal, so that's hopeful! Man, have you seen those P&G commercials though? "Thank you, mom?" Phewwwwwwww. Those'll getcha.

Ana is 1 month old! An update on all things BABY

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.

Tears!

Tears at EVERYTHING. More on those in a bit!

How is this little girl 1 month old already? (Well, she hit the four-week mark on Tuesday; Friday will be Jan. 8, one month after Dec. 8, if you want to get technical).

Cutie face!

She is such a joy in our lives. I don't even have the words. But I'm sure going to type some out anyway, so prepare for a typical Michelle blog where I ramble for way too long about everything that pops into my head!

Gah. 

Motherhood is everything they said it was. THEEEE BEST. Your heart just explodes with love you didn't even think was possible. Sure, some (most) nights are sleepless, and shit can get tough, but ... overall, I'd do it a million times over. The love and emotions are indescribable. For Analisa and James! I cuddle them both every morning and just melt. How did I get so lucky?

We're in Michigan at the moment! Ana loves meeting all our friends and family members. And James' mom is coming to see us in a few weeks, so that's exciting, too. Ana's the best little girl with people -- she's already a pro at getting passed from person to person, but she rarely freaks; in fact, quite the contrary. She's such a little charmer with each new friend. Lots of smiles, friendly squeaks and eye contact. Anyone can burp or feed her. And everyone LOVES her. She's the most chill baby.

I feel like she's changed SO much in these first four weeks.

She already looks older. 

Light hair, don't care!

I swear, her hair appears to be so dark sometimes, especially in the back, but in some lighting, she looks almost ... strawberry blonde on the sides? With blue eyes (for now at least, I heard they sometimes change as they get older). Still: How is this my baby? I guess it's a bit of James on the lighter-hair front. I was born with a full head of DARK hair, which, outside of a few premature grays, remains dark AF to this day. Anyway, you also hear sometimes babies' hair falls out and re-grows. Who knows what any of this means for the future! Regardless, she is SO cute and precious (obviously)!

The first two or so weeks were challenging, at times. It's just so surreal -- you go to the hospital as childless people, you leave with a teeny, helpless baby to raise. And there aren't nurses and lactation specialists on hand at home to give you advice on everything anymore. You're all getting to know each other, and learning how to address the baby's needs, and running on 0 sleep but so much adrenaline. They say to sleep when the baby sleeps, but what about when she refuses her bassinet and will only sleep on you, for about 30 minutes at a time? Man.

Breastfeeding ... was my biggest struggle, by far. I'm going to share a bit about my experience, because I think it's important to address the challenges. This was definitely mine! Everyone warned me about the initial nipple pain and the importance of a good latch but, let's do a quick aside on all the other things that can go wrong! (If you're a guy or you DGAF, skip about 6 paragraphs).

Although first, I want to say THANK YOU to everyone who messaged me last time after I only made a brief mention of BF struggles. So many people have come out of the woodwork to share their support, their own stories and offer encouragement and advice. People I haven't spoken to in years, telling me to get in touch any time with questions. I love that. You hear about "mommy wars" (ew, hate the word "mommy" spoken by other adults), but all I've experienced so far is unconditional support. So refreshing and not at all what I was expecting!

Anyway, for some brief background: Ana was born 8 pounds, 13 ounces (chunker!)  We passed our breastfeeding benchmarks at the hospital, and we were discharged pretty fast, relatively speaking (we only stayed there one night with the baby). Breastfeeding was fine, initially. Not much pain or any complications. ... Until we got home.

Ana was eating around the clock. Like, they told me in the hospital that clusterfeeding is typical for newborns, and I realized that we'd be nursing every 2-3 hours. But this was more than that. This was like, 20 of 24 hours in the day were spent on the breast. No exaggeration. We fed all day and all night. She would go for two hours on one side, two hours on the next, then come off and start rooting (making faces indicating she's hungry). I would tear up, like, ARE YOU MOCKING ME RIGHT NOW? "What have you been DOING on there all this time?" I sensed she wasn't a very productive eater. She would cry and root, but then fall asleep on the breast, or just want to be near it. For real, I'd put it away, and she could sense that, and woke up sobbing. I spent the first few weeks glued to my rocker, and we spent all night and all day nursing, and it was exhausting. For her, for me, probably for James.

Then we had her first pediatrician checkup, where the doctor said she was losing weight. OK, I get that it's standard right after birth, but they still wanted her to be back up to birth-weight by a certain date. Needless to say, she lost even more after that, and we were already working every few days with a lactation consultant by that point, so it was just like, Operation Get Ana Some More Food. And she was constipated for a week. That pained me. And that's a story for another day. 

She never dropped below 8 pounds, and her behavior never changed, it wasn't like we were starving her out. She was hydrated and peeing through 7ish diapers a day. But I did fight the idea of formula for a bit before finally caving. I can't explain it -- it was probably definitely the hormones -- but I felt like such a failure. Why was my body letting my baby down? I wasn't producing enough, she wasn't eating well; the consultant said it was definitely not my fault alone, probably a good combo of the both of us. But it definitely felt like my fault. My delivery had gone about exactly as I had planned, and Analisa was such a perfect baby. This felt like such a disaster -- my first with the baby; I have to imagine it won't be my last -- but I just couldn't shake it. I couldn't even text about it without tearing up. Not to mention, there is just such immense pressure at Kaiser to breastfeed exclusively ... "breast is best" above all else. I was so ashamed. I thought I could control this, and I couldn't. It broke me.

Finally, after I STILL wasn't producing enough milk between breastfeeding and pumping and giving her all my extra as often as I could from the pump, we decided to bite the bullet and break into the formula samples that had come in the mail months ago. I prepared a few ounces, did my usual thing (breastfed, bottle-fed her an ounce or so that I had pumped a few hours earlier), and THEN when she still seemed hungry, gave her a little formula. Oh my gosh. What a difference! The first time Ana was satisfied, and had gotten enough food, felt like the happiest day of my life. She came off the bottle and her whole body relaxed. She melted into my arms. No rooting, no crying, no whimpering at me for more. Just smiles and sleep.

Happy baby, happy mom.

It was then that I finally heard everything people had been telling me. It truly doesn't matter. The baby doesn't know that breast is best. Just feed her! ... Best feeling ever. I'd rather she have a full belly and I can maintain my sanity, over any other options. 

So, we're doing what works for us when it comes to food. I still put her to breast probably 3-4 times a day. (It's hard, I had to take her off the right for a bit, I had a blister and the makings of an early infection). I just got her back on yesterday, and I was really excited about it. So, I pump probably 6 times a day, and feed her probably 70% breastmilk, 30% formula. But she's fed! I'm still drinking special teas and taking Fenugreek to boost my supply ... sometimes it seems like it's working, sometimes I'll get disappointing hauls and be all, WTF. My midwife prescribed me a drug called Reglan, which is supposed to help immensely, but some of the side effects seem questionable. I haven't taken any yet -- still weighing the pros and cons. (Like, depression and drowsiness have been noted. I just restored my sanity, and I'm already drowsy! I have a newborn. We don't sleep. Seems like I should avoid for now).

Anyway, Ana and I sleep so much better now. We play! We go on walks, I'm not scared for her to wake up, James can give her a bottle (of formula or breastmilk) overnight ... formula has been such a help in our lives. I'm no longer ashamed!

On a lighter note: She has a little rat tail/mullet! It's so funny. SHE is just so funny in general. I cried yesterday because she was being too cute and I didn't want her to grow up.

(Other things that have made me cry: Big Ten Network's "The Journey," -- not even a particularly sad one, not even MSU related -- the theme song to "Parenthood," every episode of PH season 6, James playing with Ana, "Make You Feel My Love" by Adele, I could go onnnnn and on and on).

Where was I? Ana makes the funniest faces and engages with me so much. With everyone really, I obviously just spend the most time with her right now. She copies my expressions occasionally, which makes me laugh, and she gets really excited when I rub her stomach in this one specific way. She's so fun. I take 9,000 pictures of her a day (sorry, I just recently learned you get an alert every time I post to the Little Miss Analisa FB page!) But I won't ease up. We're not offended if you want to unfollow  : )

Ana is just a really good baby -- James and I say she only cries when she has a legitimate reason. If she's fussing, it's because she needs to be fed, burped, diaper-changed, or she's too hot (Baby G likes to be a little cold). Only a small handful of times has she like, cried inconsolably. (And it broke my heart). Her cry got so wobbly at the end, and ends with this little "coo" noise other times. She is the CUTEST, even when she's upset.

I have to admit, they said to wake her up to feed every 2-3 hours. We ... don't. Who wakes a sleeping baby?! She feeds on demand. She lets me know, trust me. 

Don't get me wrong, she probably nurses or takes a bottle every 3ish hours anyway. But if she's having a nice little dose of sleep, who am I to interrupt that? She also co-sleeps with us in the mornings, usually after a 4 a.m. change/bottle. Again, not really recommended, but I think I've mentioned: you don't sleep the same with a baby in the bed. I'm very aware, even in my sleep, of where she's located and how she's positioned. I'm confident we'd never roll over onto that sweet baby. I cherish those mornings with the three of us snuggled together.

(Also, I just feel like doctors pick new shit to say every few years about what's safe and what's best. Even at the hospital, we had different people telling us different shit. When it comes to babies, no one knows).

We're doing a healthy dose of tummy time lately. She's so impressive! You can already tell she wants to crawl. She kicks her little froggy legs so vigorously, but is pretty far from actually getting her torso up. Still, she has the right idea. She can lift and turn her head from side to side, and loves to make eye contact and little squeaks and noises at her stuffed animals -- especially snowman and puppy!

James has named all her stuffed friends. I believe we have David the dog, Stan the snowman, and Tina the turtle. I die. 

We are totally those newborn parents who are obsessed with her, only want to talk about her, and think she's the smartest/best/cutest/etc. Ah!

Old man hair?

I can't wait till we get a belly laugh or some more substantial babble! Although ... trying not to look forward to too many benchmarks. We need to savor these moments in real time, because she'll never be 4 weeks again! : (  I love our time spent nursing, playing and cuddling. She rolls toward me in bed in the mornings and nuzzles into my chest. And I'm in heaven.

We read together every day. I narrate my day, and sing to her often.

She studies my face -- probably all faces -- and when she's sad, she loves going on a bouncy walk, as I've termed it. A bouncy walk is basically Ana high up over my shoulder, and I walk around the house, with some extra pep in my step. No matter how much she's crying, a bouncy walk will solve the problem. Yesterday, she spit up down my back and all throughout my hair during our walk. So that was fun!

Ana can sleep through anything once she's out, which is lovely. It makes running errands a breeze, and she even stayed asleep through a particularly loud dinner last week at Auburn Alehouse. Seriously, James and I have to do welfare checks on her, she looks dead sometimes. She LOVES her car seat, and similar to bouncy walk, that'll solve most problems, too.

Ana wouldn't lie flat at first, but lately she's coming around to the idea. She's flat right now, swaddled in her Aden and Anais wrap, next to me. (Love those things). Overall, she's such a happy, smart, engaged little girl. I'm so proud of her!

We usually just chill around the apartment in a swaddle and a diaper. She doesn't love clothes, and we keep our place warm enough, so why not?

I probably saved SO MUCH money, not learning the sex of the baby. Just now I'm starting to buy little girl things, and we've been gifted the cutest LG things of all time! Tell me you saw her Minnie Mouse costume. To die for! Sometimes James and I joke that she looks like a little old man because of her hair. Still, I'm against the idea of putting her in all pink all the time, or any aggressive, uncomfortable bows just to let the world know she's a girl. It's kind of hard to tell at this age anyway, right?

Final thoughts ... this is getting long!

"Superbaby" by Dr. Jenn is my shit. I do believe in talking to Ana like she's an adult (oh, don't you worry, there's still a good amount of baby talk around here!), and telling her things like when I'm leaving the room, or when I'll be back. It sounds crazy, but it's all about building trust, and tone of voice. I swear, sometimes I think she can understand me. Like when I ask her to smile for a video, sometimes she really does!

We might give her a middle name. I wasn't feeling one at the hospital, but now I might look into the process. Probably just involves a trip to the Social Security Office, no? We're leaning toward Analisa Callie.  Callie was probably my ... third or fourth choice on the girls name front? And it reminds me of Cali, like California, where James and I met. Not sure why it slipped my mind in the hospital, but it did. We'll see!

As for me, this all feels like such a whirlwind, but as I've mentioned in about 94 different ways, I am in absolute love with this little girl. Having a daughter is incredible. Those first few weeks are really hard, just figuring each other out, and by no means do I think we have all the kinks worked out! But this is a process, and I'm trying to be as laid back as I possibly can.

Feeding Minnie Mouse

How do people do this as single parents? I have the best partner in the world -- and it's so heartwarming to see how much Analisa loves James! -- but it's STILL tough. James put ME to bed at 11p the other day, and got up with Ana in the middle of the night, and it was one of those incredibly rare nights she slept till 6a. I almost cried, I was so happy and refreshed the next day. Seven hours? What new parent gets that?! But yeah ... I can't help but think, I could never do this alone. And how do you people do it when you already have a toddler running underfoot? I can't even imag.

Sleep issues will prevail on and off for ... awhile, I imagine. Years? But right now, I'm not too worried about habits or patterns or naps or timing. I figure if she wants to doze off, that's what she needs. Sometimes it's for 10 minutes, sometimes it's for 4 hours in the middle of the day, and like, whatever she needs is fine with me. Sometimes a huge nap at 8 p.m. means she'll be up all night. Sometimes it means she'll go right back down at 10. But I'm not working at the moment, so that's what I'm here for.

But the importance of taking care of yourself ... cannot be overstated. I didn't shower the first week, mostly because I was breastfeeding constantly, but like, if I've learned anything, it's this: take some time for you. I'm making a huge effort to eat three meals a day, drink more water, brush my teeth, and shower every other day, even if it's just a body rinse. There is time, and it's so worth it. I don't care as much about makeup or drying my hair or anything extra -- even if pictures are involved, which is a first for me -- but ... it's your sanity. It makes you feel human. Plus, if you're me and you're taking ALL the Fenugreek, you smell like maple syrup. Insert Buddy the Elf joke.

And if you don't feel like making freezer meals, don't. It's been pretty easy to run to Target or make some cereal or spaghetti in 10 minutes. That's been our experience, at least. Every sitch is different, I get that. 

I am the hungriest person of all time, but I guess that's just breastfeeding.

I guess BF helps you lose the baby weight, too? That's another thing I'm just not concerned with. It's like, I have a new baby! Who cares what my stomach looks like. (And, I didn't have a ridiculous pregnancy, I think I only gained 30ish pounds; my stomach looks fine).

My moral of the story -- at least, my chapter 1 -- is, don't let people freak you out about this whole thing. Month 1 is insane. It's crazy, don't get me wrong, and I hope my ramblings showed that, but you can still watch Bachelor with your huzb. 

That Lace girl ... GTFO. Right?

You'll sleep again at some point, even if it's just one day a week. And man, everyone is so right when they say time and time again: It is SO worth it. Every second. Soak it in! I'm certainly trying to.

Analisa : )

K, gotta go stare at my baby for as long as possible before she wakes up.