Our baby plans: A breakdown (and week 38 update!)

Hiiiiiiii friends!

We're coming up on Week 39, for those of you keeping tabs! And I'm still working : )  Probably through next Monday! (Due the following Saturday).

Bumpin real hard!

So, let's go through a brief rundown of where things stand.

--I think the baby has finally dropped  : )
I woke up last week, just feeling a lot less crowding in my lung area, and then I pulled up my shirt, and I swear, I just looked different. There was some more separation between my boobs and my bump, which hadn't always been the case. I'm peeing a LOT more too now (which I thought would be impossible), but that's one of those things you hear happens if the baby drops -- more pressure on the bladder or whatever. So yeah, I haven't actually confirmed said-droppage with my midwife or anything, it's just a hunch I have. I paid Carol a visit on Friday, but forgot to ask. Regardless, it's been nice to have some extra breathing room, especially because I'm a bit uncomfortable in this final stage. (And the baby is also head down, in case I didn't mention that last time). We're ready for you, little one!

Hi hi hi!

--This is a downer but ... for anyone who didn't know, my grandma passed away last Wednesday. I can't even begin to talk about how devastated I am that BG and GP won't be able to meet. We were just at her condo for the baby shower last month! How can this be? I wrote a little something (understatement) on Facebook about it, but my heart hurts just thinking about all of it. She was truly the best, and she was SO excited to be a great-grandma, and the timing has me really sad. It's hard to process from out here. I obviously couldn't fly home for the wake or the funeral. Man. BG and GP were probably just several weeks away. It's so surreal. In a lot of ways, the news hasn't completely hit me yet. I keep thinking I need to call her. She MIGHT have helped us out on the naming front though, which I'll explain in a later post if (s)he's a girl. Long story! Love you always, Grandma Pat, and I'm so thankful you got to meet my sweet Jamers. (She loved James!)

--J and I had childbirth class Saturday. I was the furthest along with my pregnancy, but probably the smallest, bump-wise. I'm actually measuring about 2-3 cm small, but we had it checked out, and our ultrasound/fetal weight numbers came out in perfect range. So, nothing to worry about! Class felt LONG; we were there from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. But we (I) learned how to breathe, how James can massage my hips and make me feel better, how to handle the pain, some pain-management options, different positions, etc. I'm glad we got in, despite the length of the class! I just need James to remind me of all those tips and tricks when I'm hurting and needing to alleviate some of the pressure. It's a little hard to be so Type A, and kind of let go of the idea that I can't plan for every detail of this thing (or any details, really). I'm just going to have to go with the flow and do my best, taking things as they come.

Side story: They suggested so many crazy things in that class. Like, "if your partner is feeling stressed, try rubbing her face gently." And the guys would practice running their fingertips down the women's faces ... I was laughing so hard -- there were tears on several occasions. It kind of felt like church-laughing, like, there was something inappropriate about finding everything so funny, which only made it funnier. Also, I called out James for doing this one massage (seemingly) wrong, so the teacher came over to adjust his approach. The rest of the class, he was like, "I can't believe you called me out in front of everyone! You're dead to me. You'll be lucky if I even come to the birth now." Ahahaha. Oh, and all the talk of, "pretend your cervix is a flower, blossoming open and delivering a baby! What a beautiful miracle. Remind your partner that down the home stretch." I was aggressively whispering, "DO NOT TALK TO ME ABOUT MY CERVIX WHEN THE BABY IS CROWNING, I WILL MURDER YOU." There were several times we just could NOT get our shit together, we were laughing so hard.

--In related news, I'd like to go epidural-free if possible, but I understand every birth is different. Some are quickies, some take forever, but I think I've mentioned: I know my limits, and I'll acknowledge if I'm past those limits, and really need some kind of relief. Birth isn't a competition, and I'm not here to win. I just want to keep everyone happy and healthy. Myself included!

--In my hospital bag, for those of you wondering: (which finally exists, although it's not quite complete!)  A season of Modern Family for happy distractions, my laptop for MSU hype videos, comfy clothes that feel like home, new slippers, my own pillow, coconut water, some good playlists (featuring soothing music and some Rick Ross/Weezy), Chapstick, lavender spray, an exercise ball, and my own towel. And a few other random items that I can't think of, offhand. Any other suggestions? I obviously have the essentials on my list, as well. AND a camera. We won't have any access to outlets, doesn't that feel like some bullshit? Apparently they'll all be in use with medical equipment. I mean, makes sense but ... we gotta charge our phones! Just because I want the birth to be on the DL doesn't mean I'm not going to mass text and Facetime once BG is here! Rumor has it, we can use the USB thing on our TV. But ... I'm none too pleased. No candles are permitted in there either, which is kind of a bummer because my mother-in-law got me one of those lovely ones that Kate Middleton swears by, from Jo Malone. I am glad we have huge private rooms with huge private bathrooms. That part should be nice. And if I go epidural-free, there's actually a huge area to walk around, along with a nice outdoor terrace. We'll see! I'm planning on breathing through contractions like it's bikram yoga, then playing dead (like it's bikram yoga) in between. I just keep telling myself, "women have done this throughout all of time! You got it." And dancing. I actually dance around the apartment quite a bit already -- sounds ridic, but all the hip movement feels great, and sometimes shakes the baby into a better position when (s)he's kicking me in the ribs excessively. James got up and danced with me last night, it was really fun. We put on some dubstep and probably looked ridic.

--Back to hospital talk ... I mean, no one really goes in there hoping for a C-section, right? I'm really trying to avoid, but again: that seems obvious, and plus, whatever gets the baby out safely, I'll do. My birth plan is basically, "I plan to have the baby in some form." Low expectations over here! (Although I do want that hour of skin-to-skin, and I'd like to breastfeed right away, and for James to cut the cord, and for BG to room-in). Again though: Deep breaths. One thing at a time. Things will happen as they happen. We'll see!

--Cloth diapering has changed from something we'll do right away to something we'll do a few weeks/even a month or two in. I'll explain more on that later! For now, we got a ginormous thing of newborn disposables from Target (and wipes, and $124 more of other essentials), because ... it's a long story. My mentality is just like, get the baby fed and diapered somehow! Some of this is going to come down to survival, not perfection.

--It's not clear how much time I'll have off work; I'm eligible for up to four months based on Pregnancy Disability Leave (PDL); but the doctors/state will have to decide. FMLA is only for people who've been with their jobs for a year prior to maternity, so I won't be able to take that until July 6, at the earliest. Kind of a bummer, but that's 12 more weeks of leave that are possible down the road, so ... a lot of unknowns up in the air right now! Unfortunately, not much is up to me, or even my employer. Womp wompppppp.

--We did NOT end up doing maternity pics, as much as I wanted to! On the first Sunday we planned for, it rained all day (thanks a lot, California. You've been in a drought for FOUR YEARS and now you want to rain?)  And then on the following Sunday, we got the news about my grandma not doing well, and I was just in no condition to be photographed. It was rainy again anyway. Matched my mood. I stayed on the couch in my bathrobe and watched shitty TV. We'll probably do newborn/new family pics within a few weeks of the birth. Good enough, right?

--Another decision we've made: The baby will be kept largely OFF social media. This will be so hard! But it was James' request, and he doesn't ask for much, and it makes sense. We'll probably figure out some sort of system of e-mailing the latest pics or locking down the blog for private updates. I'm sure we'll post publicly a bit when (s)he's born, and maybe even on birthdays and special occasions, but ... we don't want the baby growing up day-to-day on SM. And like most other mom things, I don't judge people at all who DO allow it (I would probably be more open to the idea if Jimmy didn't hate it so much); I just think this is what we'll do as a family. Maybe we'll change our minds later down the road, maybe we won't. But that's where we stand at the moment! To each her own.

--Work threw me a baby shower! It was so lovely. We took up a large conference room, the decorations were adorbs, the snacks were delish, and it was complete with an MSU Sparty diaper cake! I just kept thinking, how did I get so lucky? Best job, best coworkers. We played a few baby games, we visited, I opened gifts ... and just felt incredibly fortunate to have such a nice support system in Sac.

Diaper cake!

The back says Spartan Nation!

--What else ... I finally had my nesting moment! On Sunday, I got incredibly motivated to cut the tags off everything, wash and dry all the baby clothes, and organize. I'd done a bit of this previously, but it was nothing compared to Sunday's effort. I did have one panicky moment -- I took the clothes out of the dryer and I was like, "I SHRUNK THEM ALL! I RUINED ALL OUR BABY GIFTS! WHYYYYYYYY." But then I texted with my mom, and James also reassured me: I probably just forgot how small they were to start with. (Which is teeny teeny tiny). I'm a bit hormonal at the mome, apologies.

--Midwife Carol is projecting an on-time delivery! So to those of you who picked Dec. 5 in the baby pool, maybe you'll win. Otherwise, who knows. Carol also said these things are known to change like, in a matter of hours, so just because I'm not at all dialated doesn't mean anything for tomorrow or next week. The wait continues!

Until next time ...

My supervisor Deanna and my Eyeconic market manager Leila. Love these two!

Megan, who was largely responsible for the Sparty cake. What a hero!