2 months old: An Analisa update!

Welllllllll, I thought I'd be blogging more than just once a month, and maybe I'll get back on track when she's a little older, but spoiler alert: Taking care of a baby all day is hard work!*

*And, so is working full-time AND taking care of a baby. I'm not throwing shade one way or the other on that whole mommy war!

Anyway, I still think blogging just once a month is fine. It's better than nothing! I'm already excited to look back on these when AG is older.

So ... where were we? So much has changed! Will I say that every time? Probably.

Hi baby!

Our schedule

Has gotten a bit more consistent! I was NOT one of those "get 'em on a schedule ASAP!" people -- at alllllllll. I was very much, "let's just see how this progresses, and if she's still not sleeping through the night a few months in, we'll re-evaluate." Well, I'm here to tell you that we're still existing happily this way! I mean, she's 10 weeks old. She still needs to wake up and eat sometimes, and she's still pretty young. Sometimes she'll sleep through the night no problem, other times she'll have a few days where we'll need to do some overnight meals. Whatever! I'm not going to stress about it. We're both well-rested, overall. And happy! And that's what counts.

I read somewhere not to let babies nap more than 3-4 hours during the day, or they won't sleep at night ... and I'm calling bullshit. Well, bullshit at this stage, anyway. A lot of days, Ana will nap like crazy, and still go to sleep when it's time. And I will NOT wake my sleeping child, no matter the circumstances. (Most likely because I'm probably sleeping next to her, or running around the house, trying to be productive!)

She seems to be getting the hang of days vs. nights. I do try to keep the condo brighter during the day, and keep the lights dim at night, even when we're up. We're kind of under unique circumstances too, with James' work hours. He's on nights -- 3p to midnight, so Ana and I trend toward a later schedule, as well. We don't sync up perfectly with James' sched, but we stay up later and sleep in with him in the mornings. I figure it gives Ana and James a chance to spend more time together. (And me too, of course!)

We also use bath time as a sort-of ritual for when she's still up late at night, and we're ready for bed. We make it all steamy and relaxing in there, give her a warm bath, then I swaddle her and put her down when her eyes are droopy but not yet closed. Bath-swaddle-bottle-book-BED. Works like a charm! At first, she HATED bath time, and I think all the freaking out exhausted her. But now, she seems to really like it in there, which is super cute. We splash around, I point out all her different body parts, and run warm water over her whole body ... she just lights up. I love it!

Tracking

Lately, I've been tracking things in a tiny notebook. How much I pump everyday, when I get the biggest returns, how much Fenugreek and water I had in that time period, etc. Or, I'll track naps. When she's taking them, for how long, and how she slept that night. I've always been a note-taker, but I think a lot of this is just because I'm curious. I'm reluctant to do anything super regimented or structured ... I just want to see how things naturally happen, and fall into good patterns once I note them.

*Note: I did kind of fall off on the tracking front after we got home from Chicago. But I'm still taking mental notes : ) 

Anyway, I've Googled stuff like power pumping, Moms on Call, Baby-Wising your infant ... blah. It's all too much. We'll do things at our pace, and although it's always nice to hear what worked for other people -- the unsolicited advice can be a bit much. If you're a friend and you get pregnant soon, I promise to keep some space when it comes to doling out the words of wisdom! : )  I will also gift you a Snoogle and come bearing food once the baby arrives.

Reading

Ana and Grandma Leese. She loves this page with the butterflies!

Enough boring mom stuff -- let's talk about ANA. She seems to kind of understand what's happening when I read to her! Which makes me so happy. I grew up LOVING books, so I hope she's the same way! When I say she "sort of understands," I mean she stops babbling, and listens instead. She looks at the pages, and when I ask her a question, she'll sometimes give me a little coo or some kind of response! It's so so fun. She's "talking" more and more. Reading has easily become the best part of our days together! We read a LOT. Our favorite is Pout-Pout Fish. I'm going to link to it -- if you're a mom, or need to gift a mom/baby ... check out Pout-Pout! It has a great cadence. Ana loves it. I love it! I have most of it memorized, in fact. (Nothing to brag about, ha). Anddddd we just learned there are a bunch of Pout-Pout books I have yet to purchase! AG's going to be so pumped.

Ana-bear's looks

Am I going to say this every month? She looks so different already! I compare her just-born photos with her 1-month pics, and then I look at her most recent shots ... GAH! She is growing up way too fast. I'm obvi biased, but I think she's the prettiest baby of all time. Those big blue eyes, her tiny little nose and mouth, her crinkly smile? I melt. My favorite times are (well, besides when we read! Already said that), when she curls up on my chest for naps, and when we're just waking up together in the mornings. She peers over at me with those eyes, and she's SO happy. She just lights up. I love being this little girl's mom. How did I get so lucky?

How we all feel at Target.

Of course, the hair isn't cute. I say that with love! But ... the rat tail is still in full effect. Yet, the hair above that has sort of thinned out? Who knows. And she has this cradle cap thing lately, have you heard of this? It's basically just some peely skin on her scalp -- like, right above her forehead. I Google Image-searched it, and hers isn't too bad compared to some of the pics I found. She's just a little scaly. And it's actually just started to really heal up! I put coconut oil (you know, the cure for everything) on it, per Google's recommendation, but it goes away in due time.

And those lashes -- are getting so long and pretty! Is it weird that I want to put some Roller Lash on them? (Kidding. I think).*

*I would never put makeup on my baby! Hahaha. They would look UNREAL though ; )

Cutest mouth of all time?

What she's up to lately

Sitting up! Assisted, obvs. But if I prop her in the corner of the couch or sit her upright on my lap, it's her favorite. And she's really trying to sit up on her own, too! Isn't it funny, they just have these urges to do the next thing. Usually, she scoots herself forward, tries to get her balance, and keels over. But it's really cute to watch her try. So advanced (says the biased mom!)

Anyway ... two Sunday mornings ago? James and I were snuggling with her, and we think she had her first laugh. Just a little giggle, not a belly laugh, but whatever. Jimmy and I looked at each other right away, like, OHMYGOD THAT WAS IT! It was the cutest thing of all time. She definitely is starting to have a bit of personality. She's so sweet and cuddly. She holds my hand when we read and have bottles. It hurts my heart when she's upset. I just want to FIX IT, like, immeds.

I probably said this last time too, but her smiles are just more and more genuine and social. You smile at her, and she'll probably smile back. Not every time, but most of the time!

She loves going over to my parents', which we can do now often, now that we're in Michigan permanently. It's the best. I love going over there too! I rarely feel like I need to hog her, seeing as we spend all day, every day together. I'm more than happy to pass her over to my parents, eat a hot meal (rare over here), and catch up on my texts. Basically, my mom overstimulates her and my dad takes her on buffalo walks. Long story! But it's so nice. We won't be at my grandma's condo forever, so I figure we should live it up in RO for as long as possible. We finally have a place a little closer to James' job, but we're in no rush to actually move in.

What else. She slays tummy time. Not to be one of those braggy parents but ... OK, I will. I looked at this chart of what most/some/all babies are doing, month by month, developmentally -- and Ana-bear kills it. She's so strong already! She tries to bear weight on her legs. She gets really high off the ground when she's on her stomach. She wants to talk and crawl -- she's not close, but you can tell her instincts are there! -- and she just seems so engaged and social. She's awake for a good chunk of the day ... what a big girl! She's an awesome baby.

1986 style! It slays me how much she looks like Jims here.

Baby gear

I do wish we were unpacked and at the new place full-time, mostly because 90% of our baby gear is there! I need to find her Rock and Play, her Pack and Play, basically ALL THE THINGS. She has nowhere I can just leave her around my grandma's, except obvi like, on a blanket on the ground. Which isn't bad, I mean, she can't roll off it, and the carpet is fine. But sometimes I feel like she needs somewhere better to hang, like, if I have to do stuff in the kitchen or around the house.

I was going to buy a fancy carrier, so I could at least hold her and go hands free -- especially because she LIVES to be held these days and doesn't like when I'm out of sight -- but I couldn't decide on one. Taking suggestions! My anchor-friend/former coworker Edie gave me her old carrier, I think it's a Bjorn, but I haven't played around with it enough. I like the idea of the woven kind; hers is a bit more structured. I figure you can never have too many! I read about them, and it sounds like the different ones are just good for different occasions.

And, has anyone tried the Mamaroo? I feel like Ana would love it. Not sure if I can justify the $240, but ... I keep reminding myself, if we have more kids someday, all this will go to good use once again! : )

Ahem, on the second baby front -- don't even ask. Don't be one of those people.

Other stuffs

I miiiiiiight be able to justify the Mamaroo if I get a job! I'm looking into some work from home/freelance-type opportunities at the moment. I'll keep you posted! I don't knock day care at alllll, and might have to put AG into some type of program someday. But that day is not today. I'm really happy to be staying with her as a newborn -- and so thankful that James doesn't mind carrying our financial load for a bit. Still, working from home a few days a week would be such a nice setup.

I still want to write a book, and I think I even have my topic picked out, but again ... things you DON'T have time for with a baby. I might just start drafting, and getting some ideas down. Do you know you can self-publish on Amazon? Pretty cool.

I'm still pumping around the clock, as that's Ana's primary source of food (actually I'm wrapping up this entry to get one final pump in before bed), and I won't lie, it can be exhausting. I should probably write a post on exclusive pumping, and just like, everything I've learned. My life is like, half Ana, half milk-removal. I think I'll do it till she's at least 6 months. Maybe a year. I'll continue to see how it goes.

It's like, every 3 hours: Plug in, give Ana to James or set her up nearby with a pacifier on hand in case of a freakout, start pump, go for 20 minutes, empty collection cups, rinse/wash cups if there's time, log whatcha got. ... But like, you know. Sometimes we'll be out and I'll get off schedule. Or I'll have to pick between a nap and a pump. Or Ana will be content, doing her thing, and it pains me to break the peace just so we can go pump. But that's life, I suppose! Two months down, at least four to go  : /

Overall though: GAH. I love her. She is a dream baby (so far, ha). I love James and our little family. I feel so lucky to be able to stay home and treasure her. And take 9,000 pics. I put so many things on my to-do list every week, and only about half get done, because I'm constantly overestimating how much time I'll have. Some days we're playing in the living room and I'll say, screw all the chores. She'll only be 9 weeks old once. My job is to be her mom, and listen, and understand her cues, and snuggle her, and teach her how to love. I cherish our time together so much.

We'll probably go to New York next month to visit the Ganleys. AG took another road trip last weekend! Sad circumstances, as my Uncle Jack died, but it was really nice for her Chicago family to meet her. Still have to send in some paperwork for Ana's birth certificate and my enhanced driver's license (so that we can drive through Canada), but ... all in good time!

Cutest of all time? Perhaps.

I'm all over the place. Ana is so curious, happy, loving, and funny. I could not be more thrilled to be her mom. Can we freeze time please?

(Am I a broken record? Have I said all this a million times already? Sorrrrrrrry!)

But overall, being a mom is crazy-incredible-frustrating at times-worth every moment. I think my hormones levels are finally starting to return to normal, so that's hopeful! Man, have you seen those P&G commercials though? "Thank you, mom?" Phewwwwwwww. Those'll getcha.

Ana is 1 month old! An update on all things BABY

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.

Tears!

Tears at EVERYTHING. More on those in a bit!

How is this little girl 1 month old already? (Well, she hit the four-week mark on Tuesday; Friday will be Jan. 8, one month after Dec. 8, if you want to get technical).

Cutie face!

She is such a joy in our lives. I don't even have the words. But I'm sure going to type some out anyway, so prepare for a typical Michelle blog where I ramble for way too long about everything that pops into my head!

Gah. 

Motherhood is everything they said it was. THEEEE BEST. Your heart just explodes with love you didn't even think was possible. Sure, some (most) nights are sleepless, and shit can get tough, but ... overall, I'd do it a million times over. The love and emotions are indescribable. For Analisa and James! I cuddle them both every morning and just melt. How did I get so lucky?

We're in Michigan at the moment! Ana loves meeting all our friends and family members. And James' mom is coming to see us in a few weeks, so that's exciting, too. Ana's the best little girl with people -- she's already a pro at getting passed from person to person, but she rarely freaks; in fact, quite the contrary. She's such a little charmer with each new friend. Lots of smiles, friendly squeaks and eye contact. Anyone can burp or feed her. And everyone LOVES her. She's the most chill baby.

I feel like she's changed SO much in these first four weeks.

She already looks older. 

Light hair, don't care!

I swear, her hair appears to be so dark sometimes, especially in the back, but in some lighting, she looks almost ... strawberry blonde on the sides? With blue eyes (for now at least, I heard they sometimes change as they get older). Still: How is this my baby? I guess it's a bit of James on the lighter-hair front. I was born with a full head of DARK hair, which, outside of a few premature grays, remains dark AF to this day. Anyway, you also hear sometimes babies' hair falls out and re-grows. Who knows what any of this means for the future! Regardless, she is SO cute and precious (obviously)!

The first two or so weeks were challenging, at times. It's just so surreal -- you go to the hospital as childless people, you leave with a teeny, helpless baby to raise. And there aren't nurses and lactation specialists on hand at home to give you advice on everything anymore. You're all getting to know each other, and learning how to address the baby's needs, and running on 0 sleep but so much adrenaline. They say to sleep when the baby sleeps, but what about when she refuses her bassinet and will only sleep on you, for about 30 minutes at a time? Man.

Breastfeeding ... was my biggest struggle, by far. I'm going to share a bit about my experience, because I think it's important to address the challenges. This was definitely mine! Everyone warned me about the initial nipple pain and the importance of a good latch but, let's do a quick aside on all the other things that can go wrong! (If you're a guy or you DGAF, skip about 6 paragraphs).

Although first, I want to say THANK YOU to everyone who messaged me last time after I only made a brief mention of BF struggles. So many people have come out of the woodwork to share their support, their own stories and offer encouragement and advice. People I haven't spoken to in years, telling me to get in touch any time with questions. I love that. You hear about "mommy wars" (ew, hate the word "mommy" spoken by other adults), but all I've experienced so far is unconditional support. So refreshing and not at all what I was expecting!

Anyway, for some brief background: Ana was born 8 pounds, 13 ounces (chunker!)  We passed our breastfeeding benchmarks at the hospital, and we were discharged pretty fast, relatively speaking (we only stayed there one night with the baby). Breastfeeding was fine, initially. Not much pain or any complications. ... Until we got home.

Ana was eating around the clock. Like, they told me in the hospital that clusterfeeding is typical for newborns, and I realized that we'd be nursing every 2-3 hours. But this was more than that. This was like, 20 of 24 hours in the day were spent on the breast. No exaggeration. We fed all day and all night. She would go for two hours on one side, two hours on the next, then come off and start rooting (making faces indicating she's hungry). I would tear up, like, ARE YOU MOCKING ME RIGHT NOW? "What have you been DOING on there all this time?" I sensed she wasn't a very productive eater. She would cry and root, but then fall asleep on the breast, or just want to be near it. For real, I'd put it away, and she could sense that, and woke up sobbing. I spent the first few weeks glued to my rocker, and we spent all night and all day nursing, and it was exhausting. For her, for me, probably for James.

Then we had her first pediatrician checkup, where the doctor said she was losing weight. OK, I get that it's standard right after birth, but they still wanted her to be back up to birth-weight by a certain date. Needless to say, she lost even more after that, and we were already working every few days with a lactation consultant by that point, so it was just like, Operation Get Ana Some More Food. And she was constipated for a week. That pained me. And that's a story for another day. 

She never dropped below 8 pounds, and her behavior never changed, it wasn't like we were starving her out. She was hydrated and peeing through 7ish diapers a day. But I did fight the idea of formula for a bit before finally caving. I can't explain it -- it was probably definitely the hormones -- but I felt like such a failure. Why was my body letting my baby down? I wasn't producing enough, she wasn't eating well; the consultant said it was definitely not my fault alone, probably a good combo of the both of us. But it definitely felt like my fault. My delivery had gone about exactly as I had planned, and Analisa was such a perfect baby. This felt like such a disaster -- my first with the baby; I have to imagine it won't be my last -- but I just couldn't shake it. I couldn't even text about it without tearing up. Not to mention, there is just such immense pressure at Kaiser to breastfeed exclusively ... "breast is best" above all else. I was so ashamed. I thought I could control this, and I couldn't. It broke me.

Finally, after I STILL wasn't producing enough milk between breastfeeding and pumping and giving her all my extra as often as I could from the pump, we decided to bite the bullet and break into the formula samples that had come in the mail months ago. I prepared a few ounces, did my usual thing (breastfed, bottle-fed her an ounce or so that I had pumped a few hours earlier), and THEN when she still seemed hungry, gave her a little formula. Oh my gosh. What a difference! The first time Ana was satisfied, and had gotten enough food, felt like the happiest day of my life. She came off the bottle and her whole body relaxed. She melted into my arms. No rooting, no crying, no whimpering at me for more. Just smiles and sleep.

Happy baby, happy mom.

It was then that I finally heard everything people had been telling me. It truly doesn't matter. The baby doesn't know that breast is best. Just feed her! ... Best feeling ever. I'd rather she have a full belly and I can maintain my sanity, over any other options. 

So, we're doing what works for us when it comes to food. I still put her to breast probably 3-4 times a day. (It's hard, I had to take her off the right for a bit, I had a blister and the makings of an early infection). I just got her back on yesterday, and I was really excited about it. So, I pump probably 6 times a day, and feed her probably 70% breastmilk, 30% formula. But she's fed! I'm still drinking special teas and taking Fenugreek to boost my supply ... sometimes it seems like it's working, sometimes I'll get disappointing hauls and be all, WTF. My midwife prescribed me a drug called Reglan, which is supposed to help immensely, but some of the side effects seem questionable. I haven't taken any yet -- still weighing the pros and cons. (Like, depression and drowsiness have been noted. I just restored my sanity, and I'm already drowsy! I have a newborn. We don't sleep. Seems like I should avoid for now).

Anyway, Ana and I sleep so much better now. We play! We go on walks, I'm not scared for her to wake up, James can give her a bottle (of formula or breastmilk) overnight ... formula has been such a help in our lives. I'm no longer ashamed!

On a lighter note: She has a little rat tail/mullet! It's so funny. SHE is just so funny in general. I cried yesterday because she was being too cute and I didn't want her to grow up.

(Other things that have made me cry: Big Ten Network's "The Journey," -- not even a particularly sad one, not even MSU related -- the theme song to "Parenthood," every episode of PH season 6, James playing with Ana, "Make You Feel My Love" by Adele, I could go onnnnn and on and on).

Where was I? Ana makes the funniest faces and engages with me so much. With everyone really, I obviously just spend the most time with her right now. She copies my expressions occasionally, which makes me laugh, and she gets really excited when I rub her stomach in this one specific way. She's so fun. I take 9,000 pictures of her a day (sorry, I just recently learned you get an alert every time I post to the Little Miss Analisa FB page!) But I won't ease up. We're not offended if you want to unfollow  : )

Ana is just a really good baby -- James and I say she only cries when she has a legitimate reason. If she's fussing, it's because she needs to be fed, burped, diaper-changed, or she's too hot (Baby G likes to be a little cold). Only a small handful of times has she like, cried inconsolably. (And it broke my heart). Her cry got so wobbly at the end, and ends with this little "coo" noise other times. She is the CUTEST, even when she's upset.

I have to admit, they said to wake her up to feed every 2-3 hours. We ... don't. Who wakes a sleeping baby?! She feeds on demand. She lets me know, trust me. 

Don't get me wrong, she probably nurses or takes a bottle every 3ish hours anyway. But if she's having a nice little dose of sleep, who am I to interrupt that? She also co-sleeps with us in the mornings, usually after a 4 a.m. change/bottle. Again, not really recommended, but I think I've mentioned: you don't sleep the same with a baby in the bed. I'm very aware, even in my sleep, of where she's located and how she's positioned. I'm confident we'd never roll over onto that sweet baby. I cherish those mornings with the three of us snuggled together.

(Also, I just feel like doctors pick new shit to say every few years about what's safe and what's best. Even at the hospital, we had different people telling us different shit. When it comes to babies, no one knows).

We're doing a healthy dose of tummy time lately. She's so impressive! You can already tell she wants to crawl. She kicks her little froggy legs so vigorously, but is pretty far from actually getting her torso up. Still, she has the right idea. She can lift and turn her head from side to side, and loves to make eye contact and little squeaks and noises at her stuffed animals -- especially snowman and puppy!

James has named all her stuffed friends. I believe we have David the dog, Stan the snowman, and Tina the turtle. I die. 

We are totally those newborn parents who are obsessed with her, only want to talk about her, and think she's the smartest/best/cutest/etc. Ah!

Old man hair?

I can't wait till we get a belly laugh or some more substantial babble! Although ... trying not to look forward to too many benchmarks. We need to savor these moments in real time, because she'll never be 4 weeks again! : (  I love our time spent nursing, playing and cuddling. She rolls toward me in bed in the mornings and nuzzles into my chest. And I'm in heaven.

We read together every day. I narrate my day, and sing to her often.

She studies my face -- probably all faces -- and when she's sad, she loves going on a bouncy walk, as I've termed it. A bouncy walk is basically Ana high up over my shoulder, and I walk around the house, with some extra pep in my step. No matter how much she's crying, a bouncy walk will solve the problem. Yesterday, she spit up down my back and all throughout my hair during our walk. So that was fun!

Ana can sleep through anything once she's out, which is lovely. It makes running errands a breeze, and she even stayed asleep through a particularly loud dinner last week at Auburn Alehouse. Seriously, James and I have to do welfare checks on her, she looks dead sometimes. She LOVES her car seat, and similar to bouncy walk, that'll solve most problems, too.

Ana wouldn't lie flat at first, but lately she's coming around to the idea. She's flat right now, swaddled in her Aden and Anais wrap, next to me. (Love those things). Overall, she's such a happy, smart, engaged little girl. I'm so proud of her!

We usually just chill around the apartment in a swaddle and a diaper. She doesn't love clothes, and we keep our place warm enough, so why not?

I probably saved SO MUCH money, not learning the sex of the baby. Just now I'm starting to buy little girl things, and we've been gifted the cutest LG things of all time! Tell me you saw her Minnie Mouse costume. To die for! Sometimes James and I joke that she looks like a little old man because of her hair. Still, I'm against the idea of putting her in all pink all the time, or any aggressive, uncomfortable bows just to let the world know she's a girl. It's kind of hard to tell at this age anyway, right?

Final thoughts ... this is getting long!

"Superbaby" by Dr. Jenn is my shit. I do believe in talking to Ana like she's an adult (oh, don't you worry, there's still a good amount of baby talk around here!), and telling her things like when I'm leaving the room, or when I'll be back. It sounds crazy, but it's all about building trust, and tone of voice. I swear, sometimes I think she can understand me. Like when I ask her to smile for a video, sometimes she really does!

We might give her a middle name. I wasn't feeling one at the hospital, but now I might look into the process. Probably just involves a trip to the Social Security Office, no? We're leaning toward Analisa Callie.  Callie was probably my ... third or fourth choice on the girls name front? And it reminds me of Cali, like California, where James and I met. Not sure why it slipped my mind in the hospital, but it did. We'll see!

As for me, this all feels like such a whirlwind, but as I've mentioned in about 94 different ways, I am in absolute love with this little girl. Having a daughter is incredible. Those first few weeks are really hard, just figuring each other out, and by no means do I think we have all the kinks worked out! But this is a process, and I'm trying to be as laid back as I possibly can.

Feeding Minnie Mouse

How do people do this as single parents? I have the best partner in the world -- and it's so heartwarming to see how much Analisa loves James! -- but it's STILL tough. James put ME to bed at 11p the other day, and got up with Ana in the middle of the night, and it was one of those incredibly rare nights she slept till 6a. I almost cried, I was so happy and refreshed the next day. Seven hours? What new parent gets that?! But yeah ... I can't help but think, I could never do this alone. And how do you people do it when you already have a toddler running underfoot? I can't even imag.

Sleep issues will prevail on and off for ... awhile, I imagine. Years? But right now, I'm not too worried about habits or patterns or naps or timing. I figure if she wants to doze off, that's what she needs. Sometimes it's for 10 minutes, sometimes it's for 4 hours in the middle of the day, and like, whatever she needs is fine with me. Sometimes a huge nap at 8 p.m. means she'll be up all night. Sometimes it means she'll go right back down at 10. But I'm not working at the moment, so that's what I'm here for.

But the importance of taking care of yourself ... cannot be overstated. I didn't shower the first week, mostly because I was breastfeeding constantly, but like, if I've learned anything, it's this: take some time for you. I'm making a huge effort to eat three meals a day, drink more water, brush my teeth, and shower every other day, even if it's just a body rinse. There is time, and it's so worth it. I don't care as much about makeup or drying my hair or anything extra -- even if pictures are involved, which is a first for me -- but ... it's your sanity. It makes you feel human. Plus, if you're me and you're taking ALL the Fenugreek, you smell like maple syrup. Insert Buddy the Elf joke.

And if you don't feel like making freezer meals, don't. It's been pretty easy to run to Target or make some cereal or spaghetti in 10 minutes. That's been our experience, at least. Every sitch is different, I get that. 

I am the hungriest person of all time, but I guess that's just breastfeeding.

I guess BF helps you lose the baby weight, too? That's another thing I'm just not concerned with. It's like, I have a new baby! Who cares what my stomach looks like. (And, I didn't have a ridiculous pregnancy, I think I only gained 30ish pounds; my stomach looks fine).

My moral of the story -- at least, my chapter 1 -- is, don't let people freak you out about this whole thing. Month 1 is insane. It's crazy, don't get me wrong, and I hope my ramblings showed that, but you can still watch Bachelor with your huzb. 

That Lace girl ... GTFO. Right?

You'll sleep again at some point, even if it's just one day a week. And man, everyone is so right when they say time and time again: It is SO worth it. Every second. Soak it in! I'm certainly trying to.

Analisa : )

K, gotta go stare at my baby for as long as possible before she wakes up.

Analisa's birthday

The baby is here!

!!!!!

Meet Baby Ana

I'm sure you had no idea; I haven't been blowing up all my social media accounts incessantly with pics or anything.

Yeah, about social media ... remember when I said I'd largely be keeping her photos private? I ... might have to go back on that. As James put it, "she's just a little too cute to keep offline."

Right?!

Although, I did make a private/closed FB group. (Let me know if you want access, we're not being stingy!) Mostly I did it to cut back on all the texts and e-mails I've been sending. This is just a streamlined way to send photos and updates out to the world, without sending everything out to, you know, the world. (Just our world!) And I decided FB > Insty so that our families can save pics a little easier. And maybe now I won't get unfriended by half my list for being THAT MOM who spams her page with nonstop baby stuff. Although, who cares. We have the cutest baby in the universe, and sorry I'm not sorry that I want to share her little cuddly face! Have you even seen those cheeks or her chins? Or her arm rolls? You would be this person too!

Yes, I turned into a baby person overnight. I guess having one will do that to you.

ANYWAY! You want to hear how this little nuzzler was born?

It was Monday, Dec. 7, and yes, I'd already discussed with my friends that she could be born on Pearl Harbor Day.  I ... guess that'd make it easier to remember her birthday? Whatever, I didn't care about what date her b-day landed on -- I just wanted her out! I woke up on her due date and was like, time for you to get evicted, BABY.  And she continued to cook for two more days. Inconsiderate!

So, on Dec. 7, we were two days past 40 weeks, and I was READY. I had texts on my phone like, at any given hour of the day, from people being all, "is she here yet? Are you at the hospital? OMG!" Which, no complaints -- I loved that so many of our friends and relatives were excited for Baby Ana's impending arrival. But still, I did start to get a touch irritated ... just at the whole thing. I was like, "Trust me when I say I'll let you know! I'm not trying to have a secret baby." Meanwhile, I was Googling like crazy, trying to determine how long it typically takes before doctors want to induce, what's the longest anyone's ever been pregnant, etc.

But yeah. Babies come when they're ready. I kept telling myself that.

And so one week ago, I was sitting on our couch, thinking about how it was Pearl Harbor Day, watching Dark Places on Amazon Prime (good movie so far -- still haven't finished!), WAITING.

But then all of a sudden, I was distracted by the movie I guess, when I felt a gush of fluid leak out from my bod. (Gush is a gross word; sorry. But that's honestly what it was!) Right away, I had a hunch it was my water breaking. I had done quite a bit of reading up on the topic, and I saw somewhere that if you can stop the flow with your V muscles, like a kegel, it's just pee. If you can't, it's likely your water. So I stood up, tried to stop the leakage, and was unsuccessful. Actually, I was more than unsuccessful -- an even larger gush splashed down my leg en route to the bathroom (sorry, apartment carpeting).

I had assumed from here, I would labor at home as long as humanly possible. One of the midwives I've been seeing even told me recently, "screw the timing. People get so obsessed with the timing of their contractions and coming in when they hit a set number of minutes apart -- just take care of yourself and come in when the pain is no longer tolerable." Cool, I remember thinking. Easy enough.

But but buttttttttttt.

As I was cleaning up the water-breakage sitch, I noticed the fluid had a bit of color to it. Meaning, the baby might have peed in there. Or worse -- number two. And I remembered that in one of the childbirth classes we took recently, the instructor said all bets were off the table if the water wasn't clear in color. So, I dialed the on-call nurse and asked. I was like, "I reaaaaaaally want to labor at home, and I'm waiting for my husband to get off work, what's the deal?" She said it wasn't life-or-death urgent, so I could wait it out a few hours, but that yes, I'd have to come in sooner rather than later. So, I re-packed our hospital bags, took a long shower, tidied up the apartment, had some snacks, and waited. For reference, my water broke just before 12:30 p.m.  James was home by about 3 or 3:30, and then we headed over to Kaiser.

!!!!!!!!

I was ... still unconvinced I'd be having a baby soon.

I don't know, I was confident about the water sitch, but I wasn't hurting at all. I was starving actually, like, that was my main concern. I just thought, hmmm, maybe they'll take a look and send me back home -- and possibly tell me to return when there's more pain? You hear of that happening. Moms who have to go stroll the mall and such until they're more dialated.

Also worth mentioning: I'd been having period-type cramps for ... 48 hours? They were mild. I was used to them. So they didn't really count, in my head.

Anyway, we were evaluated in triage (this part took forever actually), and it was annoying. A midwife wasn't available to check out the sitch, so I opted to see a doctor. I'd never met her before, but I figured whatever. She took a swab from me, came back a half hour later, and said there was NO indication that my water had indeed broken. I guess sometimes there's amniotic fluid they can see under the microscope? Not the case here, she said. Next, we got the baby up on an ultrasound monitor, and this time, she said the head DID look really low, which indicated that my story was holding a bit more weight. But it was weird ... I felt like she kept drilling me about it, wanting me to admit it was just pee. It was NOT pee. Of this I was certain. So I insisted.

Finally, she determined that this happens sometimes -- because 12:30p was forever ago, and I took a shower, and it was now like, 4:30p, she said it was possible those were my waters that broke. And maybe more would be leaking out soon? Gross. The important part was, they admitted me to a real room and let James step out for Jimmy John's. (Did I order a #2 and an oatmeal raisin cookie right before childbirth? Better believe. I was so hungry. I think I needed it though, for energy).

Also: MIXED REACTIONS on whether you can eat or not before labor. One nurse agreed to look the other way and I scarfed it down before she could get a second opinion. #noregrets

But yeah, once we got in the room, that's when the waiting game started. We answered a ton of questions with our first midwife. I still experienced barely any pain. They didn't want to check me, seeing as we were still operating off the assumption that my water did break (I guess once it breaks, they want to check you as few times as possible -- it's kind of an invasive THING, getting checked, so that makes sense).

So, who knew how dialated I was, initially? James and I didn't care. We watched Modern Family, he blew up my birthing ball, and we continued to settle in. They told me if labor didn't progress fairly quickly, I'd have to receive some Pitocin. I was just like, whatever needs to happen ... let's do it.

But the cool thing was, labor DID progress. I needed no such Pitocin.

Here's the funny part: If you asked me to describe what I thought my labor would be like, I would have typed: Active. "I want to be up on my feet, using gravity to my advantage, walking the hospital, hanging in the courtyard, bouncing on my ball, rocking out to my playlist I prepared, taking some pressure off by doing some flights of stairs, getting back massages from Jimmy, etc."

Here's what my labor was actually like: Spoiler alert -- none of the above. Actually, the above all sounded AWFUL.

I wanted to stay in bed. Upright, as my hips/tailbone/back were killing me, but I needed to stay in bed. (It also didn't help that every time I stood up, I would splash down with like, wayyyy more fluids). Gross again, I know. It was like, the rest of my water breaking, and the nurses reassured me it would only progress/continue to get splashier the rest of the night. Cool. I was also nauseated af for probably an hour. That JJ's came back to HAUNT.

But yeah, back to the water breakage/splashdown 2015: I'll put that on the list of, "things no one ever told me about childbirth." It was really alarming at first! I went to the bathroom but wouldn't stop leaking ... I ran back out to my team and was like, "um, PROBLEM!" They were all, "yeahhhhhh, that's only going to increase with each contraction. Grab a pad and prepare for the ride."

And then they asked, "do you want to change into hospital underwear? Some people prefer it." ... "No, I brought my own -- like, four pairs, so that should be more than enough." lolololol FOUR PAIRS. I was cute.

Spoiler alert: Hospital undos are the best. Don't fight them.

Four pairs of undos sound like a lot, but not in a 24-48 hour window where you're BIRTHING A CHILD. I changed a lot.

Anywayyyyyyyy. So, I stayed in bed. I had to get up to pee throughout the experience, because I had no epidural, therefore, no catheter. But otherwise, I was pretty still. My coping mechanism was indeed yoga breathing, just as I had planned on, but it was HARD.

I convinced myself that each contraction lasted seven deep breaths. So, as each one came rolling through, I just focused on the breath, much like in my bikram yoga class.

Bikram is all about relaxing as much as you possibly can in between postures, then when it's time to grab standing bow-pulling or camel or whatever, focusing all your energy and strength into hitting that pose. Then when the time is up, getting right back into your deep breathing and state of relaxation. I could go on about how when the posture is particularly challenging, you need to breathe through it -- to really get your mind and body into the right spot, but I won't talk yoga for much longer.

Basically, I applied the same principles. Each contraction was the posture, which I breathed into and through, and then I played dead in between. I went through a list in my head of like, "relax your throat. Relax your hips. Sink into the bed. Relax your eyes. Relax your feet." It was a helpful distraction, to say the least.

So, contractions were originally no big deal ... especially considering the time off in between. I could deal with seven deep breaths of anything, right?

Kind of.

I'm jumping around a bit with the timeline, so for some context: I felt great-ish, all things considered, until probably 8 or 9 p.m. Just period-like cramps, which, as I mentioned, I'd had for days. Labor progressed, and when they finally wanted to do my first check (for dialation), I was at 4.5/nearly 5 cm. The pressure was intensifying, but it wasn't horrible. A short time after this point, I started the yoga breathing. My lips got CHAPPED. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to hang out with James (I told him to sleep, I'd rather weather the storm on my own); all I wanted to do was breathe and stay in my zone. The midwives and nurses on staff were impressed. They respected what I was doing. They kept coming in like, "you're our hero, stick with it, girl."

Also worth noting: Never once touched my hospital bag. Didn't want to spray lavender on my pillow, didn't want to watch DVDs, and I would have slipped right off that birthing ball.

My main complaint for a large chunk of time was that I felt fever-ish. I was sweating my face off one second, then my teeth were chattering the next, and it felt like the Frozen castle in that room. My robe was either on the ground or covering my face as I burrowed into it. That was super uncomfortable.

My main overnight nurse Christi kept wanting to suggest things. "You could try this position, or that position, or we could talk about pain-management options," she would say every hour or so. I pretty much just shook my head no at all of the above. I hated to be unfriendly and unwilling, but I was working hard just to survive -- and her 8 million ideas all sounded awful. I get that she was trying to help. But I wanted none of it.

Finally, I spoke. I told Christi I had hit a wall. I was trying to breathe through my contractions, but it was getting harder and harder. There was just like, no time off in between, and I was having pretty intense back labor. Christi called in a midwife to check me again, and I was at 8-9 cm. I knew 10 was the magic number where we started pushing, but I felt DRAINED. So, Christi hooked me up with this cool little pack. It's called a TENS Machine, Google tells me after the fact. It was like, she put these stickers on my lower back, and they had little massaging electrodes inside them. Is that confusing? I hope I'm explaining it right ... well, so a contraction would hit, and I'd press my hand-held buzzer, and the buzzer would massage/zap my back. It was pretty natural; I think just like, a high-functioning massage tool at best.

Problem was, I still felt my contractions. Again, this thing was just kind of a distraction. A fun distraction at first, but not really a long-term solution.

And so right before push time (well, with about an hour to go), Christi administered a low-dose painkiller into my IV -- it only lasted about 40 minutes or so, and again, I still felt my contractions. Haha I've typed that twice now. And I still experienced them pretty strong, actually. These final options just kind of took the edge off, so that I was able to doze before the big moment.

Right as Christi was clocking out and saying goodbye, I started getting the overwhelming urge to push. I could feel how low the baby was, and I'm not going to lie, it feels a LOT like needing to go to the bathroom. I blurted out, "I feel like I want to push!", which seemed to startle everyone in the room at the time, seeing as I hadn't spoken voluntarily in hours.

It was time!

The pushing lasted about 40 minutes in all, which I hear isn't bad for a first-time labor. And I'm here to tell you that this stage of labor -- which I had previously feared the most -- was NOT BAD. First of all, it felt incredible to push. We were making progress, it took the pressure off (literally), and I just thought it seemed ... strangely productive. Contractions toward the end HURT, but pushing? Nope. It was just steps toward getting my sweet baby out! I swear, I didn't even feel like I was ripping in two or anything.

I pushed with two or so nurses for most of the 40 minutes, then at the end, a huge team of doctors rushed in for the final hurrah. There was some quick talk that I didn't have any energy left, so should they get the vacuum? Ughhhhhh. (Well, but at that point, I was just like, "whatever, let's do dis!")

James was holding one leg, and the new nurse had the other. Finally, everyone agreed that because I didn't have an epidural, they didn't like the idea of a vacuum extraction. Nurse Leann whispered to me that if I could give it all I had for ONE MORE push, I'd get to meet my baby and all these people would leave us alone.

Game on.

I took a huge breath (I had oxygen for help), I pushed like I've never pushed before, and the next thing I knew, they handed me a beautiful baby girl. It was truly a whirlwind, in that final moment. I remember thinking, "remember this. She's finally here." So surreal!

10 seconds after birthing this one : )

But it was true -- Nurse Leann was right! -- everyone got the hell out after that! (James told me later that it was a full house to make sure she took her first breath OK. Remember the possible meconium issue?) But yeah, we were all good! Thank goodness. I don't even remember fretting about that stuff during delivery, but I have to imagine I would have been devastated if she had been rushed off to the NICU or whatever.

But yeah ... phewwwwww. What a rush. It felt so nice not to be TOUCHED by anyone but my sweet daughter. Haha. The docs took that horrible fetal monitor off my stomach, a bunch of other tubes and crap out of my way, and the team left after a quick assessment. She was more than OK! She was perfect.

I still had to deliver the placenta and get some quick stitches (I had a second-degree ... injury), and I won't lie, the stitches stung. But I was elated, just holding our baby Ana and talking to James. The endorphins are REAL. Oh, and so many people said after childbirth, I'd forget to ask right away if she were a boy or a girl -- not the case! They popped her onto my chest and I was all, "WHAT IS IT?"  Ana was flailing her legs around and it took us a second to investigate : )

All the yoga breathing had left me hoarse. I had no voice.

But I was overcome with joy to have a baby girl.

What else ... we didn't name her for a few hours. We were between Grace and Analisa, but Ana won out. We didn't pick a middle name because we didn't really like how anything sounded. I figured Analisa is already kind of two names, why do you need a middle name, anyway?

Gosh, I must have babbled for five minutes straight when she was set on my chest, "oh my gosh oh my GOSH. I love her so much already, how is this possible? She's so cute and small and I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S BEEN LIVING INSIDE ME all this time! I love her. I think I love her already! James, look at how cute she is. Can you believe she's all ours? We made her! Look at her hair. Look at her hands and feet! I counted all her fingers and toes -- they're all there! She's just so soft and squishy! I love her already though!"

Quite the happy stream of thoughts from the girl who refused to talk all night.

The nurses were laughing and laughing.

Ana and I had our hour of skin-to-skin time while James snapped some pics and texted the moms and the friends (per my instructions). We didn't pass her off for weight or measurement for awhile -- anddddd we didn't pick the name promptly, like I mentioned! -- so, sorry for the vague texts. She cried the whole time in my arms, but I didn't care. She pooped on me, too. I had to get a new hospital wristband, it was everywhere. I didn't even notice, I was so in love. We snuggled and I rubbed that weird white stuff into her skin like lotion, and looked into her eyes and teared up probably 20 times, but somehow didn't cry. It was all so surreal! There's no better word for it. She was REAL.

When we finally got her measurements, we were so surprised! No wonder she felt like she was taking up so much room inside me. She really was! Analisa was 8 pounds, 13 ounces, and 20 1/2 inches long. I guessed 6 pounds and James guessed 7 -- you can imagine our surprise when she rang in at nearly 9.

Jimmy with our chunker baby!

We only stayed at the hospital ... one more night? She latched right away, so we passed breastfeeding tests, and all other tests, too. She's seriously perfect.

I continue to have some issues breastfeeding, so maybe I regret not staying longer? But I'm trying to be cool and relaxed about everything. Post-baby hormones are the truth, and I'm currently weepy about ... everything. Like, James mentioned having a daughter the other day, and that did it. Something stupid on TV set me over the edge and I welled up in a second. So yeah, breastfeeding probz are a stressor; I just keep thinking: there's no worst-case scenario here. If I have to give her a bottle someday, fine. I have a healthy, beautiful baby girl and I need to CHILL. (Currently seeing a lactation consultant, so we're making progress).

She's so smiley (I know, probably just gas, but she is!), so nuzzly, and I love her so unbelievably much. My heart is so full. For James, for Ana, for our new little family. Hope you enjoyed all the deetz! Stay tuned for monthly updates.

My favorite little girl.

Our baby plans: A breakdown (and week 38 update!)

Hiiiiiiii friends!

We're coming up on Week 39, for those of you keeping tabs! And I'm still working : )  Probably through next Monday! (Due the following Saturday).

Bumpin real hard!

So, let's go through a brief rundown of where things stand.

--I think the baby has finally dropped  : )
I woke up last week, just feeling a lot less crowding in my lung area, and then I pulled up my shirt, and I swear, I just looked different. There was some more separation between my boobs and my bump, which hadn't always been the case. I'm peeing a LOT more too now (which I thought would be impossible), but that's one of those things you hear happens if the baby drops -- more pressure on the bladder or whatever. So yeah, I haven't actually confirmed said-droppage with my midwife or anything, it's just a hunch I have. I paid Carol a visit on Friday, but forgot to ask. Regardless, it's been nice to have some extra breathing room, especially because I'm a bit uncomfortable in this final stage. (And the baby is also head down, in case I didn't mention that last time). We're ready for you, little one!

Hi hi hi!

--This is a downer but ... for anyone who didn't know, my grandma passed away last Wednesday. I can't even begin to talk about how devastated I am that BG and GP won't be able to meet. We were just at her condo for the baby shower last month! How can this be? I wrote a little something (understatement) on Facebook about it, but my heart hurts just thinking about all of it. She was truly the best, and she was SO excited to be a great-grandma, and the timing has me really sad. It's hard to process from out here. I obviously couldn't fly home for the wake or the funeral. Man. BG and GP were probably just several weeks away. It's so surreal. In a lot of ways, the news hasn't completely hit me yet. I keep thinking I need to call her. She MIGHT have helped us out on the naming front though, which I'll explain in a later post if (s)he's a girl. Long story! Love you always, Grandma Pat, and I'm so thankful you got to meet my sweet Jamers. (She loved James!)

--J and I had childbirth class Saturday. I was the furthest along with my pregnancy, but probably the smallest, bump-wise. I'm actually measuring about 2-3 cm small, but we had it checked out, and our ultrasound/fetal weight numbers came out in perfect range. So, nothing to worry about! Class felt LONG; we were there from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. But we (I) learned how to breathe, how James can massage my hips and make me feel better, how to handle the pain, some pain-management options, different positions, etc. I'm glad we got in, despite the length of the class! I just need James to remind me of all those tips and tricks when I'm hurting and needing to alleviate some of the pressure. It's a little hard to be so Type A, and kind of let go of the idea that I can't plan for every detail of this thing (or any details, really). I'm just going to have to go with the flow and do my best, taking things as they come.

Side story: They suggested so many crazy things in that class. Like, "if your partner is feeling stressed, try rubbing her face gently." And the guys would practice running their fingertips down the women's faces ... I was laughing so hard -- there were tears on several occasions. It kind of felt like church-laughing, like, there was something inappropriate about finding everything so funny, which only made it funnier. Also, I called out James for doing this one massage (seemingly) wrong, so the teacher came over to adjust his approach. The rest of the class, he was like, "I can't believe you called me out in front of everyone! You're dead to me. You'll be lucky if I even come to the birth now." Ahahaha. Oh, and all the talk of, "pretend your cervix is a flower, blossoming open and delivering a baby! What a beautiful miracle. Remind your partner that down the home stretch." I was aggressively whispering, "DO NOT TALK TO ME ABOUT MY CERVIX WHEN THE BABY IS CROWNING, I WILL MURDER YOU." There were several times we just could NOT get our shit together, we were laughing so hard.

--In related news, I'd like to go epidural-free if possible, but I understand every birth is different. Some are quickies, some take forever, but I think I've mentioned: I know my limits, and I'll acknowledge if I'm past those limits, and really need some kind of relief. Birth isn't a competition, and I'm not here to win. I just want to keep everyone happy and healthy. Myself included!

--In my hospital bag, for those of you wondering: (which finally exists, although it's not quite complete!)  A season of Modern Family for happy distractions, my laptop for MSU hype videos, comfy clothes that feel like home, new slippers, my own pillow, coconut water, some good playlists (featuring soothing music and some Rick Ross/Weezy), Chapstick, lavender spray, an exercise ball, and my own towel. And a few other random items that I can't think of, offhand. Any other suggestions? I obviously have the essentials on my list, as well. AND a camera. We won't have any access to outlets, doesn't that feel like some bullshit? Apparently they'll all be in use with medical equipment. I mean, makes sense but ... we gotta charge our phones! Just because I want the birth to be on the DL doesn't mean I'm not going to mass text and Facetime once BG is here! Rumor has it, we can use the USB thing on our TV. But ... I'm none too pleased. No candles are permitted in there either, which is kind of a bummer because my mother-in-law got me one of those lovely ones that Kate Middleton swears by, from Jo Malone. I am glad we have huge private rooms with huge private bathrooms. That part should be nice. And if I go epidural-free, there's actually a huge area to walk around, along with a nice outdoor terrace. We'll see! I'm planning on breathing through contractions like it's bikram yoga, then playing dead (like it's bikram yoga) in between. I just keep telling myself, "women have done this throughout all of time! You got it." And dancing. I actually dance around the apartment quite a bit already -- sounds ridic, but all the hip movement feels great, and sometimes shakes the baby into a better position when (s)he's kicking me in the ribs excessively. James got up and danced with me last night, it was really fun. We put on some dubstep and probably looked ridic.

--Back to hospital talk ... I mean, no one really goes in there hoping for a C-section, right? I'm really trying to avoid, but again: that seems obvious, and plus, whatever gets the baby out safely, I'll do. My birth plan is basically, "I plan to have the baby in some form." Low expectations over here! (Although I do want that hour of skin-to-skin, and I'd like to breastfeed right away, and for James to cut the cord, and for BG to room-in). Again though: Deep breaths. One thing at a time. Things will happen as they happen. We'll see!

--Cloth diapering has changed from something we'll do right away to something we'll do a few weeks/even a month or two in. I'll explain more on that later! For now, we got a ginormous thing of newborn disposables from Target (and wipes, and $124 more of other essentials), because ... it's a long story. My mentality is just like, get the baby fed and diapered somehow! Some of this is going to come down to survival, not perfection.

--It's not clear how much time I'll have off work; I'm eligible for up to four months based on Pregnancy Disability Leave (PDL); but the doctors/state will have to decide. FMLA is only for people who've been with their jobs for a year prior to maternity, so I won't be able to take that until July 6, at the earliest. Kind of a bummer, but that's 12 more weeks of leave that are possible down the road, so ... a lot of unknowns up in the air right now! Unfortunately, not much is up to me, or even my employer. Womp wompppppp.

--We did NOT end up doing maternity pics, as much as I wanted to! On the first Sunday we planned for, it rained all day (thanks a lot, California. You've been in a drought for FOUR YEARS and now you want to rain?)  And then on the following Sunday, we got the news about my grandma not doing well, and I was just in no condition to be photographed. It was rainy again anyway. Matched my mood. I stayed on the couch in my bathrobe and watched shitty TV. We'll probably do newborn/new family pics within a few weeks of the birth. Good enough, right?

--Another decision we've made: The baby will be kept largely OFF social media. This will be so hard! But it was James' request, and he doesn't ask for much, and it makes sense. We'll probably figure out some sort of system of e-mailing the latest pics or locking down the blog for private updates. I'm sure we'll post publicly a bit when (s)he's born, and maybe even on birthdays and special occasions, but ... we don't want the baby growing up day-to-day on SM. And like most other mom things, I don't judge people at all who DO allow it (I would probably be more open to the idea if Jimmy didn't hate it so much); I just think this is what we'll do as a family. Maybe we'll change our minds later down the road, maybe we won't. But that's where we stand at the moment! To each her own.

--Work threw me a baby shower! It was so lovely. We took up a large conference room, the decorations were adorbs, the snacks were delish, and it was complete with an MSU Sparty diaper cake! I just kept thinking, how did I get so lucky? Best job, best coworkers. We played a few baby games, we visited, I opened gifts ... and just felt incredibly fortunate to have such a nice support system in Sac.

Diaper cake!

The back says Spartan Nation!

--What else ... I finally had my nesting moment! On Sunday, I got incredibly motivated to cut the tags off everything, wash and dry all the baby clothes, and organize. I'd done a bit of this previously, but it was nothing compared to Sunday's effort. I did have one panicky moment -- I took the clothes out of the dryer and I was like, "I SHRUNK THEM ALL! I RUINED ALL OUR BABY GIFTS! WHYYYYYYYY." But then I texted with my mom, and James also reassured me: I probably just forgot how small they were to start with. (Which is teeny teeny tiny). I'm a bit hormonal at the mome, apologies.

--Midwife Carol is projecting an on-time delivery! So to those of you who picked Dec. 5 in the baby pool, maybe you'll win. Otherwise, who knows. Carol also said these things are known to change like, in a matter of hours, so just because I'm not at all dialated doesn't mean anything for tomorrow or next week. The wait continues!

Until next time ...

My supervisor Deanna and my Eyeconic market manager Leila. Love these two!

Megan, who was largely responsible for the Sparty cake. What a hero!

Baby talk! Week 35 edition

It's week 35!

(How? Someone please tell me).

(I'm cheating -- this pic was actually taken in the grocery store Tuesday, at week 34, when the baby was as big as this squash. I could tell the shopper next to us was confused by our impromptu photo shoot).

Ohmygosh, you guys. I have a blogging "to-write-about" list the size of Texas. My actual to-do list -- like, stuff that NEEDS to get accomplished before BG arrives -- is even longer. I'm working a million hours a day and may never find the time. For any of it. Eeeeeeek.

I'm just so TIRED. And overworked. And my time-management skills are ... off. All I want to do is jam as much work in as possible, and then when I'm not as VSP, sleep! Or watch crap TV. (Not run errands, set things up or spend more time in front of a computer screen. Sorry).

Related/unrelated: The most popular question I get these days is, "when's your last day [of work]?" ... Hmm. Do most people set one of those? Maybe if I were still at KCRA, or I had been at VSP longer, I'd pick one. But seeing as I'm still a relatively new employee, and I won't have unlimited time off, I just feel like I should work up until the very last possible second. Right? And take all my time on the back end, once the baby actually exists in the real world? That's the plan.

So like, count me in. Up until the very end!

Impulse purchase! It was $4.

I hope my water breaks at work (hopefully when I'm presenting in a big meeting) -- and I'm not driving to the hospital until like, a leg is hanging out.*

*I know, I know. I've mentioned this to several people who've corrected me: legs don't come out first, heads do! You get my point either way. And if I'm truly THAT uncomfortable with a week or so to go, maybe I'll throw in the towel. But until then ...

Let's go through a rundown of where things stand at the 35-week mark!

--It's getting more and more uncomfortable to change my shorts/pants. One leg is fine, but the other requires a bit of a balancing act. I haven't required help from Jimmy yet, but we might be nearing that point.

--I definitely false-start while getting out of bed. It's hard, I have like, NO abs, and our bed is really high off the ground with nothing in the area to grab for leverage (but I love our bed -- no complaints). It's just that, getting up to pee all night is tough work. And it's not so much that I actually have to pee ... it's just like, PRESSURE on my bladder. Sometimes you get in there, expecting this huge relief, and it's just like, a tiny trickle for 5 seconds (TMI? Haha sorry).

--I rolled out of my Snoogle the other night for a quick pee, but I couldn't quite free my legs from the pillow itself or my nest of blankets in time. I swear, I saw my life flash before my eyes. Not the best way to wake up! I kind of caught myself before smashing my head open, but the noise of the fall itself startled James awake. The next morning, I was like, "I FELL OUT OF MY SNOOGLE LAST NIGHT!" and he was a good mix of alarmed/laughing. I mean, had I been hurt, it might not have been so funny. But I wasn't! I even kind of laugh to myself (still), picturing my huge body catapulting toward the ground.

--I'm probably up ... 20-25 pounds at this point? Which isn't huge, but it's still the biggest I've ever been. I feel like I'm wearing a fat suit. But no complaints, I realize I'm with child and I'm not beating myself up about it! Au contraire, I'm eating apple crisp and enjoying myself! Strangers tell me I look great and want to hold the door for me and give up their seats. So thanks everyone!

Sometimes I don't look that big.

But then other times I do! (Same day, same 5 minutes, really).

--So yeah, speaking of that ... I finally outgrew most of my wardrobe. I can still make a few pre-baby dresses work, but for the longest time, I could still get into most of my clothes (they just looked tighter). Now ... not so much. I was ransacking my closet for a black dress Friday morning (I was a witch -- VSP gets down on Halloween), and I failed to get about five of them zipped. Frustration! James likes to remind me I'm in my final stages of pregnancy and this type of thing is normal. Still, sometimes I forget! Kind of like when I go online shopping and load up my cart with a million small-mediums and size 6s. Hmm. Might want to hold off on those purchases!

--In my sleep, I just want to stretch my legs and point my toes. Then I wake up with the worst leg cramps of all time, cursing my asleep-brain for letting my body do that. Need more coco water and bananas, apparently (I hear potassium is the leg-cramp cure). Can't confirm though. I used to get those awful cramps all the time after running sprints in HS. Have you ever had one? Your leg just like, locks and spazzes out, and it's hard to get it to relax. The first time it ever happened, I thought I was having some weird form of seizure. Anyway.

--Everyone mentioned I should still go to prenatal yoga, after my last blog. I would love to! However, I should mention: My area has the worst options. The one class that I thought sounded pretty good? Only meets on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 4p. Some of us have to work! Bum deal. All other yoga I've tried or frequented has been at least lightly heated (which is a no-go for the babes).

--Dairy sounds so good lately. Milkshakes and plain milk and chocolate milk and yogurt. I wash down my prenatal vity with a big glass of plain milk every night -- although: warning. Just because Jessica Alba is super pretty and affiliated with The Honest Company DOES NOT mean her vities are any good. In fact ... they're some of the grossest ones I've tried. They taste like dirty hay. Bleck bleck bleck.

--Hot showers also feel really great! I think I've mentioned, I usually avoid showers (well, the long ones anyway; I do a daily rinse) -- but for me, it all comes down to hair-washing avoidance. My hurr just looks better a bit dirty. It's so much thicker and nicer to work with. Anyway! Lately it just feels so good to suds up and get clean. It's so warm and steamy in there. Love it. Then, I come out and slather up in this lotion Jimmy was talked into buying at the mall once, years ago (called Premier Dead Sea). No joke, it's the BEST. I've tried cocoa butters and this stuff from The Body Shop my mom sent me that pregnant women swear by ... the problem is, too many lotions just kind of sit on top of your skin and refuse to rub in. Then your hands are all sticky and you feel greasy and it's just gross. (I don't moisturize my skin, I believe I've discussed previously). But this stuff in the blue bottle -- Premier, I just Googled -- is perfect. I'm about to run out, but I found it on Amazon for $15ish. Will restock soon! Can even put it on my face without breaking out, so score! I also don't have any stretch marks from this pregnancy (which I think is just genetic, but maybe worth mentioning).  #bestpregnancyever

--Maybe hot showers feel good because it's no longer 90 to 100 degrees every day? This woman in the elevator on Wednesday was like, "phew, it's finally feeling like fall!"  And I wanted to say, "um, I believe the high today is 81."  Haha. I mean, I will say. We have no humidity here. Sometimes it can be breezy. When it's in the 70s even, it feels a LITTLE like fall. A LITTLE. *(Not really though).  Also worth noting: It's rainy and in the 60s today. Maybe fall IS here? Obvi debatable.

--We had our hospital tour! And a pregnancy class for people past the 33-week mark. They basically just told us what signs to call on, and which to come in for. My goal is to labor at home as long as humanly possible. (Kaiser is only 5 minutes from our place). The hospital seems nice though! The rooms are private and very large. I'm going to bring one of those bouncy balls and some fun distractions (Modern Family, MSU hype videos, etc). In a way, I'm weirdly happy not to have our families in the area. That sounds mean, but hear me out! To me, it just feels like a lot of pressure, to be in labor, knowing everyone's waiting on you a few rooms over. (Which WOULD be the case in Michigan, I guarantee). I do feel weirdly relaxed just knowing it'll be me and Jimmy, just us, no one else. He's so calm and low-key. And to tell you the truth, I might not even text anyone when labor starts -- even THAT feels like too much pressure! I can picture my phone now, "is the baby here yet? How is everyone? Any progress?" Nope nope and nope. My ideal sitch is to just call everyone Charlotte York style, once the deed is done, and deliver the good news. We'll text or call with the sex, the name, a picture ... and let everyone know we're happy and healthy as a family of three!*

*I realize not everything goes according to plan. I could be in labor for 48 hours, and want to wail on the phone to my mom. Like everything else, I'll stamp a big fat WE'LL SEE on this one : )

--I've now had two prenatal massages! The first one, which I think I mentioned, was a birthday present I bought for myself at the end of August. It was nice, but maybe a little gentle for my tastes. Anyway, the massage therapist Angela felt bad -- I guess she was a few minutes late, by her standards. We basically showed up at the same time, which, why would I care? She was mortified; I guess she forgot I was a new client and she'd advised me to arrive 15 minutes early. ANYWAY, she e-mailed me after the first appointment and offered me a free 60-minute session just to make up for her tardiness. I told her it was NBD, but I also wasn't about to turn down my shot at a free round two!

--So, I went back on Thursday. Maybe it's because I'm creakier and bigger and I needed it more this time? But it felt unbelievable. She evened out my hips and pushed my pelvis forward (which always feels like it's tipping back; pretty uncomfortable), and she even gave me some tips on how to stand and relieve the pressure in my back ... it was all so wonderful. She even thought I needed 15 extra minutes, so we went 75 instead of just the hour. Anyone in the Sacramento-Roseville area who needs a prenatal massage ... I gotchu! Will pass along Angela's full name, if you're interested. So, at the end of our session, I left, drove home, and just as I was pulling in, I saw I had a missed call from her. I'm like, hmm, that's weird, I hope I didn't forget anything. She left a message basically just telling me she noticed some pitted edema in my feet. (Go Google it, I'll give you a minute).

--After a LOT of my own Googling, I decided to call the Kaiser nurse and check in. I went from like, not caring "oh, it's just foot swelling, I already know I have that," to like, full-on panic. "Pre-eclampsia and emergency C-section? Go learn how the car seat works, Jims, we might be having the baby!"  But no. Here's the deal on pitted edema: It's foot swelling, but like, some next-level shit. For example, I had noticed lately if I wore pinchy shoes to work or I sat on this one quilt on the couch, the skin on my feet takes a few minutes to bounce back. Sometimes indentations that might normally go away in a few seconds take a few minutes to dissipate. I thought, weird but whatever. But apparently that's like, A THING.

--Luckily, the Kaiser nurse calmed me down about it pretty quickly. She was like, "do you have blurred vision?" Me: Nope. "Do you have bad headaches lately?" Nope. "Do you have excessive swelling in your face, arms, or anywhere else on your body?" Nope. "Do you have any other uncomfortable symptoms right now that are bothering you?" Nope. "OK then, we used to think pitted edema was a bigger deal, but if it's unaccompanied by anything else ... go put your feet up. Maybe drink more water tomorrow. Don't sweat it." PHEW. I don't know why I was so worried, but I feel a million times better after calling.

--Yes, my feet do look like hooves by the end of most days. But like I said, it's basically my only symptom. I hate to be like, "hey everyone, I'm having the easiest pregnancy of all time!" But I am. Sorry.

--I texted my friends and mom Friday about the pitted edema, but called it "pitted enema" ... lololol. Everyone was like, "are you sure that's the right name?" or, "enema? That doesn't sound good." Ha.

--We got into childbirth class! At the hospital tour, it was brought to our attention that basically everyone had taken theirs already, or they were signed up for one the following week. When I asked our instructor at the end of the session what the 411 was on childbirth class, she warned me that most people sign up at like, 20-24 weeks. And that these fill up FAST, and I likely wouldn't be able to get into one through Kaiser. This made me panicky for a bit, so in the week that followed, I researched our options: I considered private classes, but there wasn't enough time for us to get into Bradley Method, and hypnobirthing seemed slightly too hippie-dippy for us, and plus, so many of the ones I found were like, anywhere from $400 to several thousand dollars. No thanks. So, my plan for a bit was to watch everything I could on YouTube, and read up about how to survive.*

*I would like a natural birth, if possible, but I'm not dead-set on anything. I've probably mentioned, I understand some births are easier and a bit more manageable, and some are really hard, and last forever. I'm not THAT opposed to an epidural if I'm really up against my breaking point and in serious pain ... I know my limits, I just wanted to be able to have the option. And the woman at the hospital tour was all, "you will NEVER survive if you're not prepared, blahblahblah," which I totes didn't appreciate. I'm pretty sure cave women didn't get into the Kaiser class or study the Bradley Method either, you wench.

So! I don't know what came over me, because I meant to call Kaiser after the tour and plead with the receptionist to let me in ... (but then I totally got busy with work and forgot. Priorities).

--BUT THEN I was walking from building to building just the other day at work, and I had a minute to make a phone call (a rarity during the workday). I called Kaiser and asked if they had any openings for childbirth class, and told them I realized it was last-minute, but maybe there was a last-sec cancellation? At first, the woman agreed to let me into the late November class ("if your baby holds out that long,") and thennnnnnn she actually did either find space, or make space for us sooner! I think it's in two Saturdays, which is still cutting it close, but not as close as we would have been on Nov. 27 or whatever.

--I can't believe BG is due Dec. 5! That's one month from Friday.

--A list of what I'm/we're reading:

• "The Happiest Baby on the Block"
• "Super Baby: 12 Ways To Give Your Child a Head Start in the First 3 Years"
• "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth" <-- (scary)
• The Girl on the Train (actually I've been done with this for a bit -- obviously not pregnancy-related, but I will plug it and say if you've been on the fence about it (I was), it def lives up to the hype!

--We're also reading to Baby G! (S)he can hear us, The Bump app tells me, which is pretty exciting.

--We deep-cleaned this weekend! And rearranged the entire living room, another good feeling. James set up the glider I bought for $150 off Sears.com, and it's cozier than ever in here. We still have a bit more work to do, but we're breaking it into pieces to make the goals a bit more obtainable : )  Thanks to the changing table/crib from James' parents, the stroller/car seat system from my parents, Edie's bassinet, and a million generous shower gifts, I think we're about ready to go! And we saved some of our Amazon money so we can buy things once we know what (s)he actually needs. Can't wait! And that's another reminder to me to blog about the shower! It was so lovely and nice to see everyone.

I have so many pics to share from shower weekend! Here's me and Rach at the MSU-Purdue game : )

--We have even more classes coming up this week and next: breastfeeding and caring for an infant. And another appointment, but ... I keep reading this is when your doc/midwife will want to see you once a week. Is that only for high-risk pregnancies? No one wants to see me any extra, haha. And when I'm there, it's not even all that productive. I'm weighed, they check my BP and protein levels, and usually check the heartbeat -- then I'm out. Whatevs, I don't have time for extra appointments anyway. (And that childbirth class is like, ALL DAY on MSU-Maryland Saturday).

--More proof that BG is nuts: We have to fill out this kick card, like, "how long does it take Baby G to kick 10 times?" You're supposed to stay still after meal time, around the same time every day, and count. Then you fill out on the chart how long it takes. The boxes don't even start until the 10-minute mark. BG hits 10 in about 1-6 minutes TOPS. You're supposed to be concerned if (s)he doesn't move 10 times in two hours. Just the other day I was like, "in two hours, Baby G has moved probably 2,000 times!" Is it possible to have an overactive baby?

--Still trying to stay active, but it's getting harder! James and I did crush probably a 5-6 mile walk last weekend. I was so sore afterward, but in a good way! He made the best apple crisp, too. Have you tried that new custard from ... Dreyer's, I believe? Match made in heaven with that apple crisp.

--I'm not so much sold on the freezer-meal bandwagon. I get that that's a thing: make an F-ton of food so that all you have to do is re-heat once BG arrives ... but I don't know, I'm never in the mood for frozen leftovers. I'd rather just have something simple but fresh, even if it's just grilled cheese or cereal. And I realize I'll have my hands full, but James is more than willing and able to help prep meals! We'll have to see if I regret this move.

--Other than that, just laying low and cheering for the Mets! Last time they won was 1986 (my birth year) -- I realize they're in a 3-1 hole, but wouldn't it be fun if they won it all again the same year BG will be born? We'd be James' lucky charms!

--I read some stupid meme on FB a few months ago that was like, "I don't waddle. This is called my pregnancy swag." Jimmy and I laughed at it at the time like, how lame. But ... yeah. Def rocking that swag.

--Did you enter our Baby Pool yet? I'm baking for the winner! Go play.

--This got LONG. I'll try to finish up some of my other entries soon! PS, we have maternity pics a week from today! Torn on what to wear. "Sweatpants are the only thing that fit me right now."

And did I mention we finally got wedding pics back? I'm so obsessed.