Analisa's birthday

The baby is here!

!!!!!

Meet Baby Ana

I'm sure you had no idea; I haven't been blowing up all my social media accounts incessantly with pics or anything.

Yeah, about social media ... remember when I said I'd largely be keeping her photos private? I ... might have to go back on that. As James put it, "she's just a little too cute to keep offline."

Right?!

Although, I did make a private/closed FB group. (Let me know if you want access, we're not being stingy!) Mostly I did it to cut back on all the texts and e-mails I've been sending. This is just a streamlined way to send photos and updates out to the world, without sending everything out to, you know, the world. (Just our world!) And I decided FB > Insty so that our families can save pics a little easier. And maybe now I won't get unfriended by half my list for being THAT MOM who spams her page with nonstop baby stuff. Although, who cares. We have the cutest baby in the universe, and sorry I'm not sorry that I want to share her little cuddly face! Have you even seen those cheeks or her chins? Or her arm rolls? You would be this person too!

Yes, I turned into a baby person overnight. I guess having one will do that to you.

ANYWAY! You want to hear how this little nuzzler was born?

It was Monday, Dec. 7, and yes, I'd already discussed with my friends that she could be born on Pearl Harbor Day.  I ... guess that'd make it easier to remember her birthday? Whatever, I didn't care about what date her b-day landed on -- I just wanted her out! I woke up on her due date and was like, time for you to get evicted, BABY.  And she continued to cook for two more days. Inconsiderate!

So, on Dec. 7, we were two days past 40 weeks, and I was READY. I had texts on my phone like, at any given hour of the day, from people being all, "is she here yet? Are you at the hospital? OMG!" Which, no complaints -- I loved that so many of our friends and relatives were excited for Baby Ana's impending arrival. But still, I did start to get a touch irritated ... just at the whole thing. I was like, "Trust me when I say I'll let you know! I'm not trying to have a secret baby." Meanwhile, I was Googling like crazy, trying to determine how long it typically takes before doctors want to induce, what's the longest anyone's ever been pregnant, etc.

But yeah. Babies come when they're ready. I kept telling myself that.

And so one week ago, I was sitting on our couch, thinking about how it was Pearl Harbor Day, watching Dark Places on Amazon Prime (good movie so far -- still haven't finished!), WAITING.

But then all of a sudden, I was distracted by the movie I guess, when I felt a gush of fluid leak out from my bod. (Gush is a gross word; sorry. But that's honestly what it was!) Right away, I had a hunch it was my water breaking. I had done quite a bit of reading up on the topic, and I saw somewhere that if you can stop the flow with your V muscles, like a kegel, it's just pee. If you can't, it's likely your water. So I stood up, tried to stop the leakage, and was unsuccessful. Actually, I was more than unsuccessful -- an even larger gush splashed down my leg en route to the bathroom (sorry, apartment carpeting).

I had assumed from here, I would labor at home as long as humanly possible. One of the midwives I've been seeing even told me recently, "screw the timing. People get so obsessed with the timing of their contractions and coming in when they hit a set number of minutes apart -- just take care of yourself and come in when the pain is no longer tolerable." Cool, I remember thinking. Easy enough.

But but buttttttttttt.

As I was cleaning up the water-breakage sitch, I noticed the fluid had a bit of color to it. Meaning, the baby might have peed in there. Or worse -- number two. And I remembered that in one of the childbirth classes we took recently, the instructor said all bets were off the table if the water wasn't clear in color. So, I dialed the on-call nurse and asked. I was like, "I reaaaaaaally want to labor at home, and I'm waiting for my husband to get off work, what's the deal?" She said it wasn't life-or-death urgent, so I could wait it out a few hours, but that yes, I'd have to come in sooner rather than later. So, I re-packed our hospital bags, took a long shower, tidied up the apartment, had some snacks, and waited. For reference, my water broke just before 12:30 p.m.  James was home by about 3 or 3:30, and then we headed over to Kaiser.

!!!!!!!!

I was ... still unconvinced I'd be having a baby soon.

I don't know, I was confident about the water sitch, but I wasn't hurting at all. I was starving actually, like, that was my main concern. I just thought, hmmm, maybe they'll take a look and send me back home -- and possibly tell me to return when there's more pain? You hear of that happening. Moms who have to go stroll the mall and such until they're more dialated.

Also worth mentioning: I'd been having period-type cramps for ... 48 hours? They were mild. I was used to them. So they didn't really count, in my head.

Anyway, we were evaluated in triage (this part took forever actually), and it was annoying. A midwife wasn't available to check out the sitch, so I opted to see a doctor. I'd never met her before, but I figured whatever. She took a swab from me, came back a half hour later, and said there was NO indication that my water had indeed broken. I guess sometimes there's amniotic fluid they can see under the microscope? Not the case here, she said. Next, we got the baby up on an ultrasound monitor, and this time, she said the head DID look really low, which indicated that my story was holding a bit more weight. But it was weird ... I felt like she kept drilling me about it, wanting me to admit it was just pee. It was NOT pee. Of this I was certain. So I insisted.

Finally, she determined that this happens sometimes -- because 12:30p was forever ago, and I took a shower, and it was now like, 4:30p, she said it was possible those were my waters that broke. And maybe more would be leaking out soon? Gross. The important part was, they admitted me to a real room and let James step out for Jimmy John's. (Did I order a #2 and an oatmeal raisin cookie right before childbirth? Better believe. I was so hungry. I think I needed it though, for energy).

Also: MIXED REACTIONS on whether you can eat or not before labor. One nurse agreed to look the other way and I scarfed it down before she could get a second opinion. #noregrets

But yeah, once we got in the room, that's when the waiting game started. We answered a ton of questions with our first midwife. I still experienced barely any pain. They didn't want to check me, seeing as we were still operating off the assumption that my water did break (I guess once it breaks, they want to check you as few times as possible -- it's kind of an invasive THING, getting checked, so that makes sense).

So, who knew how dialated I was, initially? James and I didn't care. We watched Modern Family, he blew up my birthing ball, and we continued to settle in. They told me if labor didn't progress fairly quickly, I'd have to receive some Pitocin. I was just like, whatever needs to happen ... let's do it.

But the cool thing was, labor DID progress. I needed no such Pitocin.

Here's the funny part: If you asked me to describe what I thought my labor would be like, I would have typed: Active. "I want to be up on my feet, using gravity to my advantage, walking the hospital, hanging in the courtyard, bouncing on my ball, rocking out to my playlist I prepared, taking some pressure off by doing some flights of stairs, getting back massages from Jimmy, etc."

Here's what my labor was actually like: Spoiler alert -- none of the above. Actually, the above all sounded AWFUL.

I wanted to stay in bed. Upright, as my hips/tailbone/back were killing me, but I needed to stay in bed. (It also didn't help that every time I stood up, I would splash down with like, wayyyy more fluids). Gross again, I know. It was like, the rest of my water breaking, and the nurses reassured me it would only progress/continue to get splashier the rest of the night. Cool. I was also nauseated af for probably an hour. That JJ's came back to HAUNT.

But yeah, back to the water breakage/splashdown 2015: I'll put that on the list of, "things no one ever told me about childbirth." It was really alarming at first! I went to the bathroom but wouldn't stop leaking ... I ran back out to my team and was like, "um, PROBLEM!" They were all, "yeahhhhhh, that's only going to increase with each contraction. Grab a pad and prepare for the ride."

And then they asked, "do you want to change into hospital underwear? Some people prefer it." ... "No, I brought my own -- like, four pairs, so that should be more than enough." lolololol FOUR PAIRS. I was cute.

Spoiler alert: Hospital undos are the best. Don't fight them.

Four pairs of undos sound like a lot, but not in a 24-48 hour window where you're BIRTHING A CHILD. I changed a lot.

Anywayyyyyyyy. So, I stayed in bed. I had to get up to pee throughout the experience, because I had no epidural, therefore, no catheter. But otherwise, I was pretty still. My coping mechanism was indeed yoga breathing, just as I had planned on, but it was HARD.

I convinced myself that each contraction lasted seven deep breaths. So, as each one came rolling through, I just focused on the breath, much like in my bikram yoga class.

Bikram is all about relaxing as much as you possibly can in between postures, then when it's time to grab standing bow-pulling or camel or whatever, focusing all your energy and strength into hitting that pose. Then when the time is up, getting right back into your deep breathing and state of relaxation. I could go on about how when the posture is particularly challenging, you need to breathe through it -- to really get your mind and body into the right spot, but I won't talk yoga for much longer.

Basically, I applied the same principles. Each contraction was the posture, which I breathed into and through, and then I played dead in between. I went through a list in my head of like, "relax your throat. Relax your hips. Sink into the bed. Relax your eyes. Relax your feet." It was a helpful distraction, to say the least.

So, contractions were originally no big deal ... especially considering the time off in between. I could deal with seven deep breaths of anything, right?

Kind of.

I'm jumping around a bit with the timeline, so for some context: I felt great-ish, all things considered, until probably 8 or 9 p.m. Just period-like cramps, which, as I mentioned, I'd had for days. Labor progressed, and when they finally wanted to do my first check (for dialation), I was at 4.5/nearly 5 cm. The pressure was intensifying, but it wasn't horrible. A short time after this point, I started the yoga breathing. My lips got CHAPPED. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to hang out with James (I told him to sleep, I'd rather weather the storm on my own); all I wanted to do was breathe and stay in my zone. The midwives and nurses on staff were impressed. They respected what I was doing. They kept coming in like, "you're our hero, stick with it, girl."

Also worth noting: Never once touched my hospital bag. Didn't want to spray lavender on my pillow, didn't want to watch DVDs, and I would have slipped right off that birthing ball.

My main complaint for a large chunk of time was that I felt fever-ish. I was sweating my face off one second, then my teeth were chattering the next, and it felt like the Frozen castle in that room. My robe was either on the ground or covering my face as I burrowed into it. That was super uncomfortable.

My main overnight nurse Christi kept wanting to suggest things. "You could try this position, or that position, or we could talk about pain-management options," she would say every hour or so. I pretty much just shook my head no at all of the above. I hated to be unfriendly and unwilling, but I was working hard just to survive -- and her 8 million ideas all sounded awful. I get that she was trying to help. But I wanted none of it.

Finally, I spoke. I told Christi I had hit a wall. I was trying to breathe through my contractions, but it was getting harder and harder. There was just like, no time off in between, and I was having pretty intense back labor. Christi called in a midwife to check me again, and I was at 8-9 cm. I knew 10 was the magic number where we started pushing, but I felt DRAINED. So, Christi hooked me up with this cool little pack. It's called a TENS Machine, Google tells me after the fact. It was like, she put these stickers on my lower back, and they had little massaging electrodes inside them. Is that confusing? I hope I'm explaining it right ... well, so a contraction would hit, and I'd press my hand-held buzzer, and the buzzer would massage/zap my back. It was pretty natural; I think just like, a high-functioning massage tool at best.

Problem was, I still felt my contractions. Again, this thing was just kind of a distraction. A fun distraction at first, but not really a long-term solution.

And so right before push time (well, with about an hour to go), Christi administered a low-dose painkiller into my IV -- it only lasted about 40 minutes or so, and again, I still felt my contractions. Haha I've typed that twice now. And I still experienced them pretty strong, actually. These final options just kind of took the edge off, so that I was able to doze before the big moment.

Right as Christi was clocking out and saying goodbye, I started getting the overwhelming urge to push. I could feel how low the baby was, and I'm not going to lie, it feels a LOT like needing to go to the bathroom. I blurted out, "I feel like I want to push!", which seemed to startle everyone in the room at the time, seeing as I hadn't spoken voluntarily in hours.

It was time!

The pushing lasted about 40 minutes in all, which I hear isn't bad for a first-time labor. And I'm here to tell you that this stage of labor -- which I had previously feared the most -- was NOT BAD. First of all, it felt incredible to push. We were making progress, it took the pressure off (literally), and I just thought it seemed ... strangely productive. Contractions toward the end HURT, but pushing? Nope. It was just steps toward getting my sweet baby out! I swear, I didn't even feel like I was ripping in two or anything.

I pushed with two or so nurses for most of the 40 minutes, then at the end, a huge team of doctors rushed in for the final hurrah. There was some quick talk that I didn't have any energy left, so should they get the vacuum? Ughhhhhh. (Well, but at that point, I was just like, "whatever, let's do dis!")

James was holding one leg, and the new nurse had the other. Finally, everyone agreed that because I didn't have an epidural, they didn't like the idea of a vacuum extraction. Nurse Leann whispered to me that if I could give it all I had for ONE MORE push, I'd get to meet my baby and all these people would leave us alone.

Game on.

I took a huge breath (I had oxygen for help), I pushed like I've never pushed before, and the next thing I knew, they handed me a beautiful baby girl. It was truly a whirlwind, in that final moment. I remember thinking, "remember this. She's finally here." So surreal!

10 seconds after birthing this one : )

But it was true -- Nurse Leann was right! -- everyone got the hell out after that! (James told me later that it was a full house to make sure she took her first breath OK. Remember the possible meconium issue?) But yeah, we were all good! Thank goodness. I don't even remember fretting about that stuff during delivery, but I have to imagine I would have been devastated if she had been rushed off to the NICU or whatever.

But yeah ... phewwwwww. What a rush. It felt so nice not to be TOUCHED by anyone but my sweet daughter. Haha. The docs took that horrible fetal monitor off my stomach, a bunch of other tubes and crap out of my way, and the team left after a quick assessment. She was more than OK! She was perfect.

I still had to deliver the placenta and get some quick stitches (I had a second-degree ... injury), and I won't lie, the stitches stung. But I was elated, just holding our baby Ana and talking to James. The endorphins are REAL. Oh, and so many people said after childbirth, I'd forget to ask right away if she were a boy or a girl -- not the case! They popped her onto my chest and I was all, "WHAT IS IT?"  Ana was flailing her legs around and it took us a second to investigate : )

All the yoga breathing had left me hoarse. I had no voice.

But I was overcome with joy to have a baby girl.

What else ... we didn't name her for a few hours. We were between Grace and Analisa, but Ana won out. We didn't pick a middle name because we didn't really like how anything sounded. I figured Analisa is already kind of two names, why do you need a middle name, anyway?

Gosh, I must have babbled for five minutes straight when she was set on my chest, "oh my gosh oh my GOSH. I love her so much already, how is this possible? She's so cute and small and I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S BEEN LIVING INSIDE ME all this time! I love her. I think I love her already! James, look at how cute she is. Can you believe she's all ours? We made her! Look at her hair. Look at her hands and feet! I counted all her fingers and toes -- they're all there! She's just so soft and squishy! I love her already though!"

Quite the happy stream of thoughts from the girl who refused to talk all night.

The nurses were laughing and laughing.

Ana and I had our hour of skin-to-skin time while James snapped some pics and texted the moms and the friends (per my instructions). We didn't pass her off for weight or measurement for awhile -- anddddd we didn't pick the name promptly, like I mentioned! -- so, sorry for the vague texts. She cried the whole time in my arms, but I didn't care. She pooped on me, too. I had to get a new hospital wristband, it was everywhere. I didn't even notice, I was so in love. We snuggled and I rubbed that weird white stuff into her skin like lotion, and looked into her eyes and teared up probably 20 times, but somehow didn't cry. It was all so surreal! There's no better word for it. She was REAL.

When we finally got her measurements, we were so surprised! No wonder she felt like she was taking up so much room inside me. She really was! Analisa was 8 pounds, 13 ounces, and 20 1/2 inches long. I guessed 6 pounds and James guessed 7 -- you can imagine our surprise when she rang in at nearly 9.

Jimmy with our chunker baby!

We only stayed at the hospital ... one more night? She latched right away, so we passed breastfeeding tests, and all other tests, too. She's seriously perfect.

I continue to have some issues breastfeeding, so maybe I regret not staying longer? But I'm trying to be cool and relaxed about everything. Post-baby hormones are the truth, and I'm currently weepy about ... everything. Like, James mentioned having a daughter the other day, and that did it. Something stupid on TV set me over the edge and I welled up in a second. So yeah, breastfeeding probz are a stressor; I just keep thinking: there's no worst-case scenario here. If I have to give her a bottle someday, fine. I have a healthy, beautiful baby girl and I need to CHILL. (Currently seeing a lactation consultant, so we're making progress).

She's so smiley (I know, probably just gas, but she is!), so nuzzly, and I love her so unbelievably much. My heart is so full. For James, for Ana, for our new little family. Hope you enjoyed all the deetz! Stay tuned for monthly updates.

My favorite little girl.

Our baby plans: A breakdown (and week 38 update!)

Hiiiiiiii friends!

We're coming up on Week 39, for those of you keeping tabs! And I'm still working : )  Probably through next Monday! (Due the following Saturday).

Bumpin real hard!

So, let's go through a brief rundown of where things stand.

--I think the baby has finally dropped  : )
I woke up last week, just feeling a lot less crowding in my lung area, and then I pulled up my shirt, and I swear, I just looked different. There was some more separation between my boobs and my bump, which hadn't always been the case. I'm peeing a LOT more too now (which I thought would be impossible), but that's one of those things you hear happens if the baby drops -- more pressure on the bladder or whatever. So yeah, I haven't actually confirmed said-droppage with my midwife or anything, it's just a hunch I have. I paid Carol a visit on Friday, but forgot to ask. Regardless, it's been nice to have some extra breathing room, especially because I'm a bit uncomfortable in this final stage. (And the baby is also head down, in case I didn't mention that last time). We're ready for you, little one!

Hi hi hi!

--This is a downer but ... for anyone who didn't know, my grandma passed away last Wednesday. I can't even begin to talk about how devastated I am that BG and GP won't be able to meet. We were just at her condo for the baby shower last month! How can this be? I wrote a little something (understatement) on Facebook about it, but my heart hurts just thinking about all of it. She was truly the best, and she was SO excited to be a great-grandma, and the timing has me really sad. It's hard to process from out here. I obviously couldn't fly home for the wake or the funeral. Man. BG and GP were probably just several weeks away. It's so surreal. In a lot of ways, the news hasn't completely hit me yet. I keep thinking I need to call her. She MIGHT have helped us out on the naming front though, which I'll explain in a later post if (s)he's a girl. Long story! Love you always, Grandma Pat, and I'm so thankful you got to meet my sweet Jamers. (She loved James!)

--J and I had childbirth class Saturday. I was the furthest along with my pregnancy, but probably the smallest, bump-wise. I'm actually measuring about 2-3 cm small, but we had it checked out, and our ultrasound/fetal weight numbers came out in perfect range. So, nothing to worry about! Class felt LONG; we were there from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. But we (I) learned how to breathe, how James can massage my hips and make me feel better, how to handle the pain, some pain-management options, different positions, etc. I'm glad we got in, despite the length of the class! I just need James to remind me of all those tips and tricks when I'm hurting and needing to alleviate some of the pressure. It's a little hard to be so Type A, and kind of let go of the idea that I can't plan for every detail of this thing (or any details, really). I'm just going to have to go with the flow and do my best, taking things as they come.

Side story: They suggested so many crazy things in that class. Like, "if your partner is feeling stressed, try rubbing her face gently." And the guys would practice running their fingertips down the women's faces ... I was laughing so hard -- there were tears on several occasions. It kind of felt like church-laughing, like, there was something inappropriate about finding everything so funny, which only made it funnier. Also, I called out James for doing this one massage (seemingly) wrong, so the teacher came over to adjust his approach. The rest of the class, he was like, "I can't believe you called me out in front of everyone! You're dead to me. You'll be lucky if I even come to the birth now." Ahahaha. Oh, and all the talk of, "pretend your cervix is a flower, blossoming open and delivering a baby! What a beautiful miracle. Remind your partner that down the home stretch." I was aggressively whispering, "DO NOT TALK TO ME ABOUT MY CERVIX WHEN THE BABY IS CROWNING, I WILL MURDER YOU." There were several times we just could NOT get our shit together, we were laughing so hard.

--In related news, I'd like to go epidural-free if possible, but I understand every birth is different. Some are quickies, some take forever, but I think I've mentioned: I know my limits, and I'll acknowledge if I'm past those limits, and really need some kind of relief. Birth isn't a competition, and I'm not here to win. I just want to keep everyone happy and healthy. Myself included!

--In my hospital bag, for those of you wondering: (which finally exists, although it's not quite complete!)  A season of Modern Family for happy distractions, my laptop for MSU hype videos, comfy clothes that feel like home, new slippers, my own pillow, coconut water, some good playlists (featuring soothing music and some Rick Ross/Weezy), Chapstick, lavender spray, an exercise ball, and my own towel. And a few other random items that I can't think of, offhand. Any other suggestions? I obviously have the essentials on my list, as well. AND a camera. We won't have any access to outlets, doesn't that feel like some bullshit? Apparently they'll all be in use with medical equipment. I mean, makes sense but ... we gotta charge our phones! Just because I want the birth to be on the DL doesn't mean I'm not going to mass text and Facetime once BG is here! Rumor has it, we can use the USB thing on our TV. But ... I'm none too pleased. No candles are permitted in there either, which is kind of a bummer because my mother-in-law got me one of those lovely ones that Kate Middleton swears by, from Jo Malone. I am glad we have huge private rooms with huge private bathrooms. That part should be nice. And if I go epidural-free, there's actually a huge area to walk around, along with a nice outdoor terrace. We'll see! I'm planning on breathing through contractions like it's bikram yoga, then playing dead (like it's bikram yoga) in between. I just keep telling myself, "women have done this throughout all of time! You got it." And dancing. I actually dance around the apartment quite a bit already -- sounds ridic, but all the hip movement feels great, and sometimes shakes the baby into a better position when (s)he's kicking me in the ribs excessively. James got up and danced with me last night, it was really fun. We put on some dubstep and probably looked ridic.

--Back to hospital talk ... I mean, no one really goes in there hoping for a C-section, right? I'm really trying to avoid, but again: that seems obvious, and plus, whatever gets the baby out safely, I'll do. My birth plan is basically, "I plan to have the baby in some form." Low expectations over here! (Although I do want that hour of skin-to-skin, and I'd like to breastfeed right away, and for James to cut the cord, and for BG to room-in). Again though: Deep breaths. One thing at a time. Things will happen as they happen. We'll see!

--Cloth diapering has changed from something we'll do right away to something we'll do a few weeks/even a month or two in. I'll explain more on that later! For now, we got a ginormous thing of newborn disposables from Target (and wipes, and $124 more of other essentials), because ... it's a long story. My mentality is just like, get the baby fed and diapered somehow! Some of this is going to come down to survival, not perfection.

--It's not clear how much time I'll have off work; I'm eligible for up to four months based on Pregnancy Disability Leave (PDL); but the doctors/state will have to decide. FMLA is only for people who've been with their jobs for a year prior to maternity, so I won't be able to take that until July 6, at the earliest. Kind of a bummer, but that's 12 more weeks of leave that are possible down the road, so ... a lot of unknowns up in the air right now! Unfortunately, not much is up to me, or even my employer. Womp wompppppp.

--We did NOT end up doing maternity pics, as much as I wanted to! On the first Sunday we planned for, it rained all day (thanks a lot, California. You've been in a drought for FOUR YEARS and now you want to rain?)  And then on the following Sunday, we got the news about my grandma not doing well, and I was just in no condition to be photographed. It was rainy again anyway. Matched my mood. I stayed on the couch in my bathrobe and watched shitty TV. We'll probably do newborn/new family pics within a few weeks of the birth. Good enough, right?

--Another decision we've made: The baby will be kept largely OFF social media. This will be so hard! But it was James' request, and he doesn't ask for much, and it makes sense. We'll probably figure out some sort of system of e-mailing the latest pics or locking down the blog for private updates. I'm sure we'll post publicly a bit when (s)he's born, and maybe even on birthdays and special occasions, but ... we don't want the baby growing up day-to-day on SM. And like most other mom things, I don't judge people at all who DO allow it (I would probably be more open to the idea if Jimmy didn't hate it so much); I just think this is what we'll do as a family. Maybe we'll change our minds later down the road, maybe we won't. But that's where we stand at the moment! To each her own.

--Work threw me a baby shower! It was so lovely. We took up a large conference room, the decorations were adorbs, the snacks were delish, and it was complete with an MSU Sparty diaper cake! I just kept thinking, how did I get so lucky? Best job, best coworkers. We played a few baby games, we visited, I opened gifts ... and just felt incredibly fortunate to have such a nice support system in Sac.

Diaper cake!

The back says Spartan Nation!

--What else ... I finally had my nesting moment! On Sunday, I got incredibly motivated to cut the tags off everything, wash and dry all the baby clothes, and organize. I'd done a bit of this previously, but it was nothing compared to Sunday's effort. I did have one panicky moment -- I took the clothes out of the dryer and I was like, "I SHRUNK THEM ALL! I RUINED ALL OUR BABY GIFTS! WHYYYYYYYY." But then I texted with my mom, and James also reassured me: I probably just forgot how small they were to start with. (Which is teeny teeny tiny). I'm a bit hormonal at the mome, apologies.

--Midwife Carol is projecting an on-time delivery! So to those of you who picked Dec. 5 in the baby pool, maybe you'll win. Otherwise, who knows. Carol also said these things are known to change like, in a matter of hours, so just because I'm not at all dialated doesn't mean anything for tomorrow or next week. The wait continues!

Until next time ...

My supervisor Deanna and my Eyeconic market manager Leila. Love these two!

Megan, who was largely responsible for the Sparty cake. What a hero!

Baby talk! Week 35 edition

It's week 35!

(How? Someone please tell me).

(I'm cheating -- this pic was actually taken in the grocery store Tuesday, at week 34, when the baby was as big as this squash. I could tell the shopper next to us was confused by our impromptu photo shoot).

Ohmygosh, you guys. I have a blogging "to-write-about" list the size of Texas. My actual to-do list -- like, stuff that NEEDS to get accomplished before BG arrives -- is even longer. I'm working a million hours a day and may never find the time. For any of it. Eeeeeeek.

I'm just so TIRED. And overworked. And my time-management skills are ... off. All I want to do is jam as much work in as possible, and then when I'm not as VSP, sleep! Or watch crap TV. (Not run errands, set things up or spend more time in front of a computer screen. Sorry).

Related/unrelated: The most popular question I get these days is, "when's your last day [of work]?" ... Hmm. Do most people set one of those? Maybe if I were still at KCRA, or I had been at VSP longer, I'd pick one. But seeing as I'm still a relatively new employee, and I won't have unlimited time off, I just feel like I should work up until the very last possible second. Right? And take all my time on the back end, once the baby actually exists in the real world? That's the plan.

So like, count me in. Up until the very end!

Impulse purchase! It was $4.

I hope my water breaks at work (hopefully when I'm presenting in a big meeting) -- and I'm not driving to the hospital until like, a leg is hanging out.*

*I know, I know. I've mentioned this to several people who've corrected me: legs don't come out first, heads do! You get my point either way. And if I'm truly THAT uncomfortable with a week or so to go, maybe I'll throw in the towel. But until then ...

Let's go through a rundown of where things stand at the 35-week mark!

--It's getting more and more uncomfortable to change my shorts/pants. One leg is fine, but the other requires a bit of a balancing act. I haven't required help from Jimmy yet, but we might be nearing that point.

--I definitely false-start while getting out of bed. It's hard, I have like, NO abs, and our bed is really high off the ground with nothing in the area to grab for leverage (but I love our bed -- no complaints). It's just that, getting up to pee all night is tough work. And it's not so much that I actually have to pee ... it's just like, PRESSURE on my bladder. Sometimes you get in there, expecting this huge relief, and it's just like, a tiny trickle for 5 seconds (TMI? Haha sorry).

--I rolled out of my Snoogle the other night for a quick pee, but I couldn't quite free my legs from the pillow itself or my nest of blankets in time. I swear, I saw my life flash before my eyes. Not the best way to wake up! I kind of caught myself before smashing my head open, but the noise of the fall itself startled James awake. The next morning, I was like, "I FELL OUT OF MY SNOOGLE LAST NIGHT!" and he was a good mix of alarmed/laughing. I mean, had I been hurt, it might not have been so funny. But I wasn't! I even kind of laugh to myself (still), picturing my huge body catapulting toward the ground.

--I'm probably up ... 20-25 pounds at this point? Which isn't huge, but it's still the biggest I've ever been. I feel like I'm wearing a fat suit. But no complaints, I realize I'm with child and I'm not beating myself up about it! Au contraire, I'm eating apple crisp and enjoying myself! Strangers tell me I look great and want to hold the door for me and give up their seats. So thanks everyone!

Sometimes I don't look that big.

But then other times I do! (Same day, same 5 minutes, really).

--So yeah, speaking of that ... I finally outgrew most of my wardrobe. I can still make a few pre-baby dresses work, but for the longest time, I could still get into most of my clothes (they just looked tighter). Now ... not so much. I was ransacking my closet for a black dress Friday morning (I was a witch -- VSP gets down on Halloween), and I failed to get about five of them zipped. Frustration! James likes to remind me I'm in my final stages of pregnancy and this type of thing is normal. Still, sometimes I forget! Kind of like when I go online shopping and load up my cart with a million small-mediums and size 6s. Hmm. Might want to hold off on those purchases!

--In my sleep, I just want to stretch my legs and point my toes. Then I wake up with the worst leg cramps of all time, cursing my asleep-brain for letting my body do that. Need more coco water and bananas, apparently (I hear potassium is the leg-cramp cure). Can't confirm though. I used to get those awful cramps all the time after running sprints in HS. Have you ever had one? Your leg just like, locks and spazzes out, and it's hard to get it to relax. The first time it ever happened, I thought I was having some weird form of seizure. Anyway.

--Everyone mentioned I should still go to prenatal yoga, after my last blog. I would love to! However, I should mention: My area has the worst options. The one class that I thought sounded pretty good? Only meets on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 4p. Some of us have to work! Bum deal. All other yoga I've tried or frequented has been at least lightly heated (which is a no-go for the babes).

--Dairy sounds so good lately. Milkshakes and plain milk and chocolate milk and yogurt. I wash down my prenatal vity with a big glass of plain milk every night -- although: warning. Just because Jessica Alba is super pretty and affiliated with The Honest Company DOES NOT mean her vities are any good. In fact ... they're some of the grossest ones I've tried. They taste like dirty hay. Bleck bleck bleck.

--Hot showers also feel really great! I think I've mentioned, I usually avoid showers (well, the long ones anyway; I do a daily rinse) -- but for me, it all comes down to hair-washing avoidance. My hurr just looks better a bit dirty. It's so much thicker and nicer to work with. Anyway! Lately it just feels so good to suds up and get clean. It's so warm and steamy in there. Love it. Then, I come out and slather up in this lotion Jimmy was talked into buying at the mall once, years ago (called Premier Dead Sea). No joke, it's the BEST. I've tried cocoa butters and this stuff from The Body Shop my mom sent me that pregnant women swear by ... the problem is, too many lotions just kind of sit on top of your skin and refuse to rub in. Then your hands are all sticky and you feel greasy and it's just gross. (I don't moisturize my skin, I believe I've discussed previously). But this stuff in the blue bottle -- Premier, I just Googled -- is perfect. I'm about to run out, but I found it on Amazon for $15ish. Will restock soon! Can even put it on my face without breaking out, so score! I also don't have any stretch marks from this pregnancy (which I think is just genetic, but maybe worth mentioning).  #bestpregnancyever

--Maybe hot showers feel good because it's no longer 90 to 100 degrees every day? This woman in the elevator on Wednesday was like, "phew, it's finally feeling like fall!"  And I wanted to say, "um, I believe the high today is 81."  Haha. I mean, I will say. We have no humidity here. Sometimes it can be breezy. When it's in the 70s even, it feels a LITTLE like fall. A LITTLE. *(Not really though).  Also worth noting: It's rainy and in the 60s today. Maybe fall IS here? Obvi debatable.

--We had our hospital tour! And a pregnancy class for people past the 33-week mark. They basically just told us what signs to call on, and which to come in for. My goal is to labor at home as long as humanly possible. (Kaiser is only 5 minutes from our place). The hospital seems nice though! The rooms are private and very large. I'm going to bring one of those bouncy balls and some fun distractions (Modern Family, MSU hype videos, etc). In a way, I'm weirdly happy not to have our families in the area. That sounds mean, but hear me out! To me, it just feels like a lot of pressure, to be in labor, knowing everyone's waiting on you a few rooms over. (Which WOULD be the case in Michigan, I guarantee). I do feel weirdly relaxed just knowing it'll be me and Jimmy, just us, no one else. He's so calm and low-key. And to tell you the truth, I might not even text anyone when labor starts -- even THAT feels like too much pressure! I can picture my phone now, "is the baby here yet? How is everyone? Any progress?" Nope nope and nope. My ideal sitch is to just call everyone Charlotte York style, once the deed is done, and deliver the good news. We'll text or call with the sex, the name, a picture ... and let everyone know we're happy and healthy as a family of three!*

*I realize not everything goes according to plan. I could be in labor for 48 hours, and want to wail on the phone to my mom. Like everything else, I'll stamp a big fat WE'LL SEE on this one : )

--I've now had two prenatal massages! The first one, which I think I mentioned, was a birthday present I bought for myself at the end of August. It was nice, but maybe a little gentle for my tastes. Anyway, the massage therapist Angela felt bad -- I guess she was a few minutes late, by her standards. We basically showed up at the same time, which, why would I care? She was mortified; I guess she forgot I was a new client and she'd advised me to arrive 15 minutes early. ANYWAY, she e-mailed me after the first appointment and offered me a free 60-minute session just to make up for her tardiness. I told her it was NBD, but I also wasn't about to turn down my shot at a free round two!

--So, I went back on Thursday. Maybe it's because I'm creakier and bigger and I needed it more this time? But it felt unbelievable. She evened out my hips and pushed my pelvis forward (which always feels like it's tipping back; pretty uncomfortable), and she even gave me some tips on how to stand and relieve the pressure in my back ... it was all so wonderful. She even thought I needed 15 extra minutes, so we went 75 instead of just the hour. Anyone in the Sacramento-Roseville area who needs a prenatal massage ... I gotchu! Will pass along Angela's full name, if you're interested. So, at the end of our session, I left, drove home, and just as I was pulling in, I saw I had a missed call from her. I'm like, hmm, that's weird, I hope I didn't forget anything. She left a message basically just telling me she noticed some pitted edema in my feet. (Go Google it, I'll give you a minute).

--After a LOT of my own Googling, I decided to call the Kaiser nurse and check in. I went from like, not caring "oh, it's just foot swelling, I already know I have that," to like, full-on panic. "Pre-eclampsia and emergency C-section? Go learn how the car seat works, Jims, we might be having the baby!"  But no. Here's the deal on pitted edema: It's foot swelling, but like, some next-level shit. For example, I had noticed lately if I wore pinchy shoes to work or I sat on this one quilt on the couch, the skin on my feet takes a few minutes to bounce back. Sometimes indentations that might normally go away in a few seconds take a few minutes to dissipate. I thought, weird but whatever. But apparently that's like, A THING.

--Luckily, the Kaiser nurse calmed me down about it pretty quickly. She was like, "do you have blurred vision?" Me: Nope. "Do you have bad headaches lately?" Nope. "Do you have excessive swelling in your face, arms, or anywhere else on your body?" Nope. "Do you have any other uncomfortable symptoms right now that are bothering you?" Nope. "OK then, we used to think pitted edema was a bigger deal, but if it's unaccompanied by anything else ... go put your feet up. Maybe drink more water tomorrow. Don't sweat it." PHEW. I don't know why I was so worried, but I feel a million times better after calling.

--Yes, my feet do look like hooves by the end of most days. But like I said, it's basically my only symptom. I hate to be like, "hey everyone, I'm having the easiest pregnancy of all time!" But I am. Sorry.

--I texted my friends and mom Friday about the pitted edema, but called it "pitted enema" ... lololol. Everyone was like, "are you sure that's the right name?" or, "enema? That doesn't sound good." Ha.

--We got into childbirth class! At the hospital tour, it was brought to our attention that basically everyone had taken theirs already, or they were signed up for one the following week. When I asked our instructor at the end of the session what the 411 was on childbirth class, she warned me that most people sign up at like, 20-24 weeks. And that these fill up FAST, and I likely wouldn't be able to get into one through Kaiser. This made me panicky for a bit, so in the week that followed, I researched our options: I considered private classes, but there wasn't enough time for us to get into Bradley Method, and hypnobirthing seemed slightly too hippie-dippy for us, and plus, so many of the ones I found were like, anywhere from $400 to several thousand dollars. No thanks. So, my plan for a bit was to watch everything I could on YouTube, and read up about how to survive.*

*I would like a natural birth, if possible, but I'm not dead-set on anything. I've probably mentioned, I understand some births are easier and a bit more manageable, and some are really hard, and last forever. I'm not THAT opposed to an epidural if I'm really up against my breaking point and in serious pain ... I know my limits, I just wanted to be able to have the option. And the woman at the hospital tour was all, "you will NEVER survive if you're not prepared, blahblahblah," which I totes didn't appreciate. I'm pretty sure cave women didn't get into the Kaiser class or study the Bradley Method either, you wench.

So! I don't know what came over me, because I meant to call Kaiser after the tour and plead with the receptionist to let me in ... (but then I totally got busy with work and forgot. Priorities).

--BUT THEN I was walking from building to building just the other day at work, and I had a minute to make a phone call (a rarity during the workday). I called Kaiser and asked if they had any openings for childbirth class, and told them I realized it was last-minute, but maybe there was a last-sec cancellation? At first, the woman agreed to let me into the late November class ("if your baby holds out that long,") and thennnnnnn she actually did either find space, or make space for us sooner! I think it's in two Saturdays, which is still cutting it close, but not as close as we would have been on Nov. 27 or whatever.

--I can't believe BG is due Dec. 5! That's one month from Friday.

--A list of what I'm/we're reading:

• "The Happiest Baby on the Block"
• "Super Baby: 12 Ways To Give Your Child a Head Start in the First 3 Years"
• "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth" <-- (scary)
• The Girl on the Train (actually I've been done with this for a bit -- obviously not pregnancy-related, but I will plug it and say if you've been on the fence about it (I was), it def lives up to the hype!

--We're also reading to Baby G! (S)he can hear us, The Bump app tells me, which is pretty exciting.

--We deep-cleaned this weekend! And rearranged the entire living room, another good feeling. James set up the glider I bought for $150 off Sears.com, and it's cozier than ever in here. We still have a bit more work to do, but we're breaking it into pieces to make the goals a bit more obtainable : )  Thanks to the changing table/crib from James' parents, the stroller/car seat system from my parents, Edie's bassinet, and a million generous shower gifts, I think we're about ready to go! And we saved some of our Amazon money so we can buy things once we know what (s)he actually needs. Can't wait! And that's another reminder to me to blog about the shower! It was so lovely and nice to see everyone.

I have so many pics to share from shower weekend! Here's me and Rach at the MSU-Purdue game : )

--We have even more classes coming up this week and next: breastfeeding and caring for an infant. And another appointment, but ... I keep reading this is when your doc/midwife will want to see you once a week. Is that only for high-risk pregnancies? No one wants to see me any extra, haha. And when I'm there, it's not even all that productive. I'm weighed, they check my BP and protein levels, and usually check the heartbeat -- then I'm out. Whatevs, I don't have time for extra appointments anyway. (And that childbirth class is like, ALL DAY on MSU-Maryland Saturday).

--More proof that BG is nuts: We have to fill out this kick card, like, "how long does it take Baby G to kick 10 times?" You're supposed to stay still after meal time, around the same time every day, and count. Then you fill out on the chart how long it takes. The boxes don't even start until the 10-minute mark. BG hits 10 in about 1-6 minutes TOPS. You're supposed to be concerned if (s)he doesn't move 10 times in two hours. Just the other day I was like, "in two hours, Baby G has moved probably 2,000 times!" Is it possible to have an overactive baby?

--Still trying to stay active, but it's getting harder! James and I did crush probably a 5-6 mile walk last weekend. I was so sore afterward, but in a good way! He made the best apple crisp, too. Have you tried that new custard from ... Dreyer's, I believe? Match made in heaven with that apple crisp.

--I'm not so much sold on the freezer-meal bandwagon. I get that that's a thing: make an F-ton of food so that all you have to do is re-heat once BG arrives ... but I don't know, I'm never in the mood for frozen leftovers. I'd rather just have something simple but fresh, even if it's just grilled cheese or cereal. And I realize I'll have my hands full, but James is more than willing and able to help prep meals! We'll have to see if I regret this move.

--Other than that, just laying low and cheering for the Mets! Last time they won was 1986 (my birth year) -- I realize they're in a 3-1 hole, but wouldn't it be fun if they won it all again the same year BG will be born? We'd be James' lucky charms!

--I read some stupid meme on FB a few months ago that was like, "I don't waddle. This is called my pregnancy swag." Jimmy and I laughed at it at the time like, how lame. But ... yeah. Def rocking that swag.

--Did you enter our Baby Pool yet? I'm baking for the winner! Go play.

--This got LONG. I'll try to finish up some of my other entries soon! PS, we have maternity pics a week from today! Torn on what to wear. "Sweatpants are the only thing that fit me right now."

And did I mention we finally got wedding pics back? I'm so obsessed.

Week 30 ramblings!

It's week 30 (on Saturday)! How am I having a baby in 10 weeks? (Or sooner! I'm convinced I'mma pop early). And I would type, "how are WE having a baby in 10 weeks," except -- let's talk about who's actually going to be doing the birthing. Yours truly. I wish Jims could help, but the sad part is, I'm on my own for the scary part. Nail bites!

Anyway, there's no medical reason behind my "early" hunch -- all of our appointments say we're perfectly on track and measuring just right. I just feel like I came early, my brother came early ... I know, delivery dates have probably gotten more accurate since 1986 and 1990, but. I'm predicting a Thanksgiving baby! And I'm still having dreams she's a girl, but who knows. Still preparing names for either sex!

And no, I still won't discuss specifics on here! James and I have the best time on college football Saturdays, watching every game available and "brainstorming." ... "Janarion, that's a good one. BUT WHAT ABOUT SAYQUON?" Sayquon Ganley, has a nice ring to it. It's a maybe.

In all seriousness, I think I've mentioned: In general, we like classic, old-fashioned names. I'm super crotchety, like, "too many Aidens/Jacksons/Bellas/Olivias/Sophias right now! NO."

I realize a few of those are classic, but really -- Olivias have taken over. The name manages to be classic and trendy all at the same time. And I still rule it out.

What else?

I'm craving pumpkin-y fall things. It's still nearly 100 degrees here, so ... hmmm. Hard to TRULY get in the fall mood! It's nice though, to still wear summer dresses to work every day. I don't like pants lately, or really anything touching my midsection. So many of my work dresses are bo-ho, flowy-like, so I'm still wearing about 60-70% of my wardrobe.

Desserts still sound bomb. All the time. But as always, Jims has been making me eat my vegetables -- and he made the BEST from-scratch chicken noodle soup the other day. What a guy.

Oh, and THANK YOU for all the personal messages and texts after my last baby post, the one where I was all, "I don't know where to start when it comes to car seats and strollers!" I received some really great suggestions, and I threw some ideas on our registries, too! Feeling relieved about all that.

Although, I'm also trying to keep in mind: Babies don't need much. Especially not at first! Edie told me to get the basics, but suppress my urge to buy all the things -- and just wait till (s)he gets here instead, to see what we really need. James can run to the store, and I have Amazon Prime (meaning things will arrive to our place quickly).

Changing topics, I'm sick, so that's a downer. My immune system isn't helping much, it's like, "bye! I have other things to tend to right this sec, good luck!"

It started as a sore throat, but that didn't last (thank goodness it wasn't strep).

Now I've just decided it's a bad cold. A bad cold, but a standard one. I messaged my midwife -- cool that you can do that with Kaiser -- and she's actually out of town, but another got back to me fast, giving me some tips. I didn't think I needed to schedule an appointment or anything; colds usually just need to run their course, you know what I'm saying?

Still. A downer, to be sitting at work with a numb face. I am SO stuffed up. My sinuses are backed up like crazy. I'm not sleeping well, because of all the congestion. I have a gross cough, and at any given time, would rather be blowing my nose. Sick-while-pregnant is kind of the crummiest. No one wants me at work, but I have so much to get done before our new site relaunches. (I did take Monday off though).

Enough bitching!

28-29 weeks? Ish? The lighting in our kitchen is awful, plz excuse!

Baby G prefers my left side -- has this ever happened to anyone else? I asked Google, and a lot of moms seem to report something similar ... where the baby will just curl up in one specific spot, and stay there. It makes my stomach look cray. And it kind of hurts, to have that much pressure on the one side! If it's bedtime and I'm trying to change into my PJs, it's like, I can't even lift my left leg, my "abs" on that side are so shot.

Whoops, I said enough bitching.

But really, it's the strangest thing! If I poke him enough (or her, I promise we still don't know the sex!), I can sometimes get BG to shift. But seriously ... the weirdest.

SPEAKING OF THE WEIRDEST.

Not only is the baby kicking up a storm -- it gets bigger and more surreal every day, no exaggeration, as I'm sure I've mentioned -- but now you can see it now from the outside!

Jimmy and I watch it and giggle like little kids. There's a human living inside me! I'm growing an extra set of lungs, an extra brain, possibly a penis ...

W.
T.
F.

Did I already write about our Tahoe hike a few weeks ago? We did Castle Peak, up in Tahoe. I slept for two days afterward, it might have been a bit draining! We didn't go to the very VERY top because it was all loose gravel and really steep, unpaved dirt -- I didn't want to fall -- but we made it approx 92 percent of the way. The elevation gain was no joke. It took us a few hours and kicked my ass, but in a good way. Still, that day I finally got the cue: Time to take it easier! You're not the Michelle you once were. (And, carrying 15-20 extra pounds is hard).

Ugh, I KNOW I've mentioned missing hot yoga. And really, I know some people go pregnant. But my doctor said from the beginning that she didn't advise it.  It's not that I'll kill it, it's just way too dehydrating. Not good for either of us. Sigh.

I mean, I get it. When I was die-hard about it, sometimes I'd have a bad class and just feel awful. The rest of the day, it was hard to bounce back. Sometimes I couldn't shake the sweat or truly cool down, or my head pounded or my sugars felt off.

But staying on a regular bikram routine was also something I thrived off of. I slept so well, my body felt strong and flexible, and it brought me so much peace. I could truly escape work, and my head, and I just miss it. Even the other day, I had this realization: "I can't even go back right away! I don't want to leave the baby for 90 minutes. Factor in how early you have to get there and then the automatic shower you're required to take, that's like, SO LONG away from BG!"

James laughed and told me I'd figure it out. I hope so! I am creaky like an attic these days.

Have I discussed how thick my hair is? #pregzbenefits   Man, this entry is jumping all over the place. I'll let you know on my nails, if I ever let them grow. (So, never).

Next up: Figuring out how much leave I can take, contacting HR at my job, and looking into FMLA. Whimper.

When it comes to ANYTHING baby-related these days, I'm just trying to keep my mind right: I'm going to do my best, but I'm not going to beat myself up if something goes awry.

And that includes breastfeeding, diapering, day-to-day, staying on top of my life ... I'm already a bit too Type-A/my own worst critic. I don't want to let motherhood push me over the edge! : )

That said, I feel very lucky to have such a great partner throughout all of this. Do I say this every blog entry? I should. James is the absolute best. We're excited to fly home soon for the shower!

And James is turning 33 next week!

And were you worried when I said midwife earlier? Kaiser (our hospital) has midwives, but there's still a doctor on hand. And they're still certified medical professionals. And we're still delivering AT the hospital. I know these questions have come up already with relatives, so I thought I'd mention!

Trust me, I want to be an organic, hippie mom in some senses ... wearing the baby, getting the hour of skin-to-skin bonding time right after birth (like, before (s)he gets cleaned off even), cloth-diapering, etc ... but we're still delivering at a hospital, with a team of docs!

My midwife (Carol) is basically just like, my main B. She's usually eye-rolling at me for watching an ECV video from Sweden on YouTube, or reading too many delivery horror stories on Reddit.

We love Carol.

Until next time!

Oh, and then we got married!

To rewind!

I feel I owe you the wedding story. We're only a liiiiiiiiittle overdue/out of order these days!

Love this guy.

So, let's go back to where this story truly starts, finding out we had a bun in the ov. Exciting! A touch surprising, yes. But our hearts were already so filled with love for each other and for this little embryo. We're going to be parents!

We told our parents in due time, and at first, our plan was to be kinda Kourtney and Scott* about it all, and like, we knew we'd get married eventually. What was the rush?

*Bad example? Kourtney and Scott have since broken up.  :/

Well, there was never a RUSH, per se, but people kept giving us good reasons why we might want to consider speeding up our plans. Logistically, with a baby en route, it seemed to make a lot of sense to just seal the deal/tie the knot beforehand. Our families seemed to push for it, too. Finally, I just bit the bullet, and I was like, I can plan a wedding in a few months. Can everyone else make this work?

As it turned out, yep!

It may have helped that I was married previously and had already gone through the motions when it came to the planning. But I swear, I set up 95% of the wedd just like, during my dinner break at work. (Not even MANY dinner breaks. Maybe three? Haha). I'm a planning monster.

First, we found a date that seemed like it'd work for our friends and families. Then, I emailed the Iroquois Club, which I had visited previously, years ago actually, and always kept my eye on. As it turned out, they'd just gotten a cancellation for July 26. The date was all ours if we wanted it! I mailed them a check immediately to hold the space.

We decided to do both the ceremony and the reception there -- it just seemed easy. The original plan was to hold the ceremony in one room, let our guests mingle off to the side with mimosas afterward, and the staffers would then flip the space into tables, chairs and the reception setup.

But as it turned out, no one else ended up booking the other half of the building. So it was really spacious! We held the ceremony in one room, then guests were able to transition to the room next door, where the brunch setup was already in place. Perfection! I think we had 50-ish people? (How am I forgetting already?) It was small, you get the picture.

We decided on brunch instead of dinner just because the wedding was so low-key. I figured Sunday would be cheaper to book than a Saturday, so why not get our guests in and out at a relatively early hour? (Plus, who doesn't love brunch food? Best meal of the day, in my opinion).

Also, as a bride who wouldn't be drinking ... I didn't want to watch everyone else have TOO much fun without me! (Kidding/not kidding/can't decide). Still, brunch seemed like a good opportunity to host an open bar, but keep costs lower. We figured people would indulge a bit, but not as hard as they would have on a Saturday night with a dance floor and a DJ. (It really wasn't that kind of wedding anyway). But all these thoughts definitely ran through my mind, especially as we were the ones hosting!

Really though, I'd never planned on being a pregnant bride. At first, I thought it'd be a huge downer. Maybe that's what made us say originally, "we'll just get married next summer!" But I'm really happy we knocked it out when we did. A) Not drinking wasn't so bad after all. (I did have a Shorts Soft Parade at Duggan's afterward). Baby G went wild in there. B) Like I imagined, it really wasn't a drunk-fest anyway. C) I really wasn't showing much, so it wasn't as if I had to style around a huge baby bump. D) It was just like, THE most perfect morning/early afternoon of love and happiness! Everything went so well, and being pregnant just made it that much sweeter.

Another iPhone pic to hold you over : ) I rented the runway for those earrings!

So, back to the process! I booked Iroquois. Ordered invites, just like, the first ones that called to me online at Wedding Paper Divas. Sent Jimmy out for love stamps, which should probably come with its own story; he was slightly flummoxed at the concept. "What? I just go to the counter and ask for ... 'love stamps'?"

He said the words "love stamps" like they were German or something -- completely foreign. Ahahaha. But spoiler alert: He managed!

So, we set the menu -- and offered french toast, eggs benny and veggie scrambles. (With Bloody Marys, mimosas and other brekkie dranks). Found an officiant online, and put down a deposit with her. Took myself dress shopping on a random Friday when I was off work (aside to follow). Booked the most responsive florist I could find, and just ordered a bouquet, a few bouts and a few corsages. Loaded up our iTunes with ceremony and background reception music. Selected some flights home. Contacted a photographer, who agreed to do a two-hour session. Headed to our favorite neighborhood winery two weeks before the wedding, where we bought two cases for reception favors. And I ... think that's it? I picked up a few odds and ends here and there, and we went suit shopping for Jimmy closer to the big day.

But everything was so easy! I just chose things and people that seemed talented/good quality but affordable, and more than anything, flexible. Basically, anyone who answered my emails within a few hours was in! That's key when planning a long-distance wedding. If you were a responsive vendor, you were booked. If you hesitated to get back to me, BYE Felicia.

My parents were lovely enough to host the rehearsal dinner (which included zero rehearsing, actually). The thought was just like, we aren't home often. Plus, James' family would be in town -- from Rochester, New York, for those of you keeping tabs -- so, it might be nice to get everyone together while we're all in the same city! Before the big day, instead of after. And it was SO fun and low-key. Just an extra opportunity to spend time with everyone we love! Families, family-friends, friends, neighbs ... loved every second. We ate mini pizzas and Greek food, drank Michigan beers -- well, not me -- and visited for hours.

Even a monsoon or two (or four) couldn't get us down! Thanks mom and dad, for renting that backyard tent!

Earlier in the day, my friends and I went out to Cafe Muse for a so-called bridesmaids brunch. Similar to the rehearsal dinner without any rehearsal, I actually didn't have bridesmaids. We decided to keep things wedding-party free, just to stay simple, but I figured these girls would have been my bridesmaids in another universe!

Muse was wonderful. I ate elaborate french toast, because that's what I'm into these days. And, TFG for Rachael, who helped keep all my plans under control all weekend, and insisted we get our nails done after brekkie. In hindsight, just like, YES, how did I think I could have gone without? My nails are atrocious, and this point can't be overstated. If you think I'm exaggerating, I will send you a pic, and you'll def skip your next meal, they're so gross.

Now I'm on a tangent. But we turned my stubs into soft pink acrylics and it was $30 well-spent! Really ... for all the driving around Oakland County, the Gchats, the consultations, the nail encouragement -- thank you, Rach!

Anddddddd that was Saturday! I was at Cafe Muse while James picked his family up from the airport, and he showed them around a bit -- then it was onto nails, rehearsal/no rehearsal, and bed. The wedd was the next morning at 11! So naturally I was up at 6, heading to hair and makeup with the moms.

But before I continue ... I feel like I should hit on a few different side stories!

The actual engagement -- <-- read here!

The dress: This is a lackluster story! Ha. I'll tell it anyway. On a Friday I had off work, when James was in the newsroom, I visited a bridal shop a few miles from our place. They were known for having this closet of discounted dresses, like, maybe from seasons past that never sold? So I thought that sounded like a budget-friendly route. Yet, that closet was so sad and lonely. It's like, where unloved wedding dresses gathered to die. They were dusty and had makeup smears and I couldn't see myself wearing any of them. So I headed back into the actual salon, to the discount rack. (These were a bit more current, and well-maintained, but still marked down from their original prices). My consultant and I managed to gather about five for me to try on, and just as we were heading back to the dressing room, a blush-colored gown caught my eye. (I swear, it looked so pink in the shop. My sales girl even asked, "oh, you want to try on the pink one?" It barely even registered as blush out in the real world).

Our one and only professional pic so far!

But anyway. The pink one looked large, but there was something romantic about it. And I think I was drawn to the simplicity of the A-line, and how well it'd conceal my pregnancy. So I said sure, and we tossed it in the try-on pile. I think I changed into it first, and it was definitely the dress to beat, once I was all pinned up and it was fitting a little closer to size (yes, bridal typically runs large, but this was like, a 12 or a 14. Which I am not, even pregz).

I changed back into it last, just for comparison, and yeah, it was love.

The only confusing part was, we tried snapping iPhone pics for me to send to my mom and friends -- but the look wasn't really translating in photographs. That made me nervous for a sec, but then I considered: the lighting was kind of shitty in there. My hair and makeup were OK, but not exactly what I'd be rocking on the big day. I was clipped in, and it didn't really fit properly ... why taint what I was seeing in the mirror, based on a few crap pictures?

So, I told everyone SORRY, there'd be no photos until the weddz, but this was my dress and I wasn't going back on the decision. It rang up for about a third of its regular price, which made me happy, and after a cleaning and some alterations, I was good to go! I shoved it into one of James' garment bags and carried it on the plane. (Oh, and a note: Southwest doesn't have closets you can use! Kind of a bummer. It definitely got tossed into an overhead bin. Luckily, once we landed in the D, it had a few days to steam and return to form).

What else we did while home in Michigan: #HoneymoonDetroit, yo! (Haha, meaning not much). Few details to follow!

-----

Anddddd back to the wedding itself! See? This entry has been hard to write and keep organized! This is why I shouldn't take a five-month hiatus from the blog.

So, back to wedding morning, I drove over to the hair salon around 6:45, I believe, and it was just a few minutes from my parents' house. My stylist (who's actually my mom's stylist, although I've used her too over the years -- she's the best) works/worked SO FAST. I had a pretty massive amount of hair (my friends caught up with me a few hours later and some asked if I were wearing extensions, anddddd nope), but Manije did 95% of my 'do in maybe 25 minutes. We saved the very final touch-ups for last, mostly because I still had to sit through makeup, and I forgot to bring my veil to the salon. Rach to the rescue again!

Anyway, the moms got their hair done a short time after me, while I sat through makeup with Robin (Manoogian, of About Face in downtown Royal Oak). She's the best. Anyone looking for a makeup artist in Metro Detroit needs to book her! Honestly, I got pretty annoyed with the makeup sitch when I was calling around town incessantly a few months before the big day. I had SO many girls say they couldn't do it so early on a Sunday, or just like, weeks would pass before I'd get any type of answer at all ... that shit's weak. Be professional.

But Robin called me back just a few hours after I left her a message at her salon, and she was so accommodating. At first it was just me who wanted makeup, then the moms got on board, but she was willing to do mini sessions for the moms and travel to us ... and needless to say, she does such beautiful work. She's done makeup for Aretha, she was on board at Channel 7 for years, she's gotten called out to the Townsend in Birmingham for some other celebs -- yet she was more than willing to take our little party of three at 7 a.m. on a Sunday! I was eternally grateful.

What else -- I got to Iroquois around 10:30, my friends helped me get in my dress -- which was no small feat, actually -- and it was down the aisle in no time! We kept the ceremony fairly short, maybe 20 minutes? Our sibs Liz and Robby signed as our witnesses, James and I ducked out for just-us pictures with our photogs + my mom and Aunt Teresa (for Cranbrook access, just in case), and we knocked those out in about a half-hour. The 'Brook is only a few miles away.

Immediate family pics took place in that short window too, phew. That was the one time frame where we ran a liiiiiiiiiittle tight!

Meanwhile, our guests were sipping dranks and hanging tight inside. We tried to go as quickly as possible out at Cranbrook -- I didn't want to leave everyone hanging too long before we served the meal!

But James and I were back in the room by 12:15 or so, and we had the staff get plates down fast. From there, all we really had on the agenda was more visiting! We did a brief welcome and had Amanda say a prayer, but there was no first dance. No parent dances. No bouquet toss/creepy garter fetch. (Didn't even wear a garter, now that I think about it).

No formal cake cutting (although we did slice into a baby cake just for the photo op). No toasts -- although I did request a friend speech, and it never happened and I'm the worst because they gave it later at Duggan's and it was amaz! -- but hmmm. What else?!

No dance floor at all, really. After everyone finished up their meals, the staff brought out fruit and mini desserts, which were delicious. And we were wrapped up by maybe 2, 2:30? We had the room till 4, but we didn't really need it. So we headed back south down Woodward and landed at Duggan's, which was a little trashy, but in the best way possible. I died a little inside when I had to bite the bullet and pee there. Whatever, I was basically done with my dress anyway. I ate chili-cheese fries, like a true #pregzbride. (They were delish, and hit the spot so hard, in case you were wondering). It was nice for my friends to be able to meet James a little bit more, and the relaxed setting was really fun!

After THAT, I was a little sweaty, and it felt like a relief to get home and change out of my dress. My legs were so slippery ... that humidity! I don't miss it. NorCal is hot, but dry. Anyway, my dad and Robby headed up north, but my mom, James and I had dinner a short time later at the RO Brewery with the Ganleys. I wasn't hungry, but like the healthy person I am, decided to order soft pretzel sticks. (McD's for breakfast, chili-cheese fries for snack, soft pretzels for dinner, in case you were keeping track. Plus mini desserts. ARGH). #cleanleanbride #shredforwedd <-- Hahaha.

We slept so hard that night! And didn't do much of anything the rest of the trip, which was surprisingly nice. Slow's BBQ. Belle Isle. Eastern Market. Family dinners. We were just happy to be home (well, my home, although D-town is growing on James, too!), and happy to be married! All the quick planning was so worth it. We were finally done with one landmark and onto the next -- welcoming Baby G!

The week though ... overall, so special. Every second. I will never forget tearing up at the ceremony, or James' sweet words, or what it all meant to me. I'm so happy we decided to say a few words to each other in front of our friends and families, and he was just the sweetest Jims I ever saw.

I am so lucky to have him, and so lucky to be a part of these families. To everyone involved, thank you thank you!

***I would share more professional pics, but we STILL haven't gotten to see them, outside of one or two! :( Will post whenever I can.

The engagement story! May 16, 2015

(I was going to roll this tale into our wedding post as sort of an aside, but why opt for the shortcut? 

I want to remember this for all time, and go into as much detail as I'd like -- and the wedding post is already getting SO LONG -- so here goes!)

To rewind: James and I had already decided we'd get married this summer, and we'd even set a date. I believe I'd already booked the Iroquois Club, and purchased a dress!

So at one point, as July 26 drew closer, I just asked him, flat-out, some version of: "Do you want to skip the whole 'actual engagement' thing? I mean, I know it's forever, you know it's forever, we're having a baby together, and about to host a wedding ... finances are tight. You don't have to like, get down on one knee or buy me a ring right this second -- we could always get to that later. Somewhere down the road. Do you want to wait?"

Romantic, I know.

I expected him to say, "Sure, that makes sense. I'd be happy to get you a ring someday. Cool." (Or something!) He's very easygoing, and he usually agrees with whatever I throw on the table. We're pretty reasonable as a couple.

But in reality, he put up some pretty tough resistance.

I don't remember exactly what he said, but it was basically like, "Nope. You stay out of this. Maybe I've already beaten you to the punch, and I have some sort of idea in my head, and you need to get out of here. Don't try to make a plan. Let me do my thing. Please."

OK then.

(Can't blame me for offering, can you?)

So, I did as I was told and I backed off. Maybe a ring WAS in my near future after all, who knew?!

I mean, I knew he'd been browsing ... he even ducked across the street while I was at Future Ford, finalizing my SUV purchase the month or so beforehand. But I had no idea he was actually close to buying something.

SO, one day he suggested going to Calaveras County on our upcoming Saturday or Sunday, perhaps for a little day trip. (We went to Calaveras last summer, and had like, theeeee most magical time, playing among the big trees and getting absolutely CHARMED by the tiny town of Murphys).*

*Seriously, if you live in or near Northern California, go visit! It's such a gem. One of my favorite places I've visited out here! Wine, hikes, trees, foothills -- what more could you ask for?

... But then he was like, NAHHHHHH (on the whole day trip). And we didn't end up going. I forget why. I did think to myself at one point, "Maybe he'll propose in Calaveras!" But once it was off the table, I was probably too pregnant-tired to care. "In due time!" I told myself, and promptly forgot about it.

Maybe the next weekend or so, he suggested going up to Tahoe. This wasn't out of the ordinary, as we frequent the LT area on a semi-regular basis (especially now that we're in Rocklin! Truckee is like, only 60 miles away). Our coworker Richard told us about this spot called Bonsai Rock, and it looked gorgeous from his pics. I was in.

We woke up pretty early (for us) on that Saturday, and headed up I-80. Traffic wasn't bad, skies were clear, it looked like a nice day was brewing. We arrived pretty quickly, and walked down to the beach to get a better view.

Bonsai looked gorgeous. And the lake absolutely shimmered, per usual. It was pretty chilly, for NorCal anyway, so no one was really out and about at 11 or so that morning. Even the sun wasn't going crazy, so I think James and I were really the only people down there -- on that part of the beach at least.

We walked around for maybe 45 minutes to an hour, just climbing around the rocks and lounging on the boulders. Tahoe is the best.

It felt like we might be heading back to the car soon, as we had snapped all our pics and tooled around the area for long enough ... but Jimmy was being such a snuggler. We were standing together, with him behind me, just looking out over Lake Tahoe -- and he was so sweet, whispering cute things in my ear, telling me how much he loved me or how precious I was -- rubbing my shoulders and my head, the whole nine yards. I was just soaking it all in, being out at one of my favorite places with my favorite guy.

Suddenly, his voice dropped to more of a hushed tone, and he instantly sounded more serious.

...

It was in that moment that he told me he NEVER thought he'd be in this position. He could never see himself wanting to spend the rest of his life with another person -- he just wasn't sure it was in the cards for him. Or if he did do it, he always thought it'd be like, he was resigning himself to the idea. Like, maybe he'd just get married because that's what people do.

But this wasn't that, he said.

Not by a long shot.

I was so touched by his words, I can't even tell you. Time almost seemed to slow down. I was just taking in every second, hanging onto all of it. He choked up. I choked up.

See, I've always known he was my person. From probably WAY too early on, I've known it for certain: If we could just be together forever, we'd be the happiest two people alive. Under any circumstances. We could live in a box! With a fox! Eating rocks! As long as we had each other.

We were made for each other, and it's just as simple as that. Love at first conversation.

Back to the scene in Tahoe, he went on to tell me how much I meant to him, and how much he wanted me to be his wife, and how in love he was, every moment of every day. When he turned me around to face him, I thought it was just for a kiss.

But he got down on one knee, said a few more words, pulled out that little velvet box, and OF COURSE I said yes!

Like I said, the venue was BOOKED! We were on a schedule! Hahaha.

A selfie (doesn't Lake Tahoe look beautiful in the background?) right after it happened!

But ohmygosh ... he bought the prettiest ring I'd ever seen in my LIFE! I didn't give him a ton of hints or direction. I think I'd said things before like, "simple is better, I do love rose gold," but not much else.

I can't even describe. I still catch a glimpse of it when I'm typing or driving, and I think, "is that really mine??!?"

I love it so much. But I love what it represents even more, in ways I'll never be able to put into words. He's my rock. My love. The best listener I've ever met. My calming force. The funniest person of all time. Truly, my whole heart.

Are you dying yet, at this ginormous sap-fest?

So, with that, we went out for theeee most romantic, candlelit lunch -- right on the water! -- and gazed lovingly into each other's eyes ... oh wait, none of that is true.

We're a little bit more basic than that!

In reality, we drove over to the Peppermill in Reno (ahahaha), where he put money on the Preakness ponies and I dropped big Ds on MSU (football and basketball). And I walked around the casino and called people with the news, and tried to take pictures of the ring but there was bad lighting -- and then we got hangry and went to Jimmy John's. (Again, this is more like how we roll)!

A Snapchat of my rang!

We don't have JJ's in Sac, so we each got a sammy, then each bought another to take home for lunch the next day! We considered staying the night in Reno but, nah. It was only a short drive back!

And THAT, my friends, is the story of our engagement. We were married about two months later in the tropical destination of Detroit, surrounded by our friends and families. And in three more months, we'll be parents!

Love that Jimmy. He's a keeper for life.