Why I'm not a mermaid.

You know what I realized recently?

My thighs touch. I'm not sure they used to. But I'm also not so sure I care a ton.
 

I turned these dogs black and white because they're PALE AS F.

Real talk and rewind, my legs are my favorite physical feature. Most days, I feel like Beyonce. When it's hot out (so like, a LOT in Sactown), I like to rock the shortest shorts possible. (Within reason obvi, I'm clearly not 19 anymore, or a hooker)*.

I feel like this is the part where I should post a disclaimer: Like, "Don't worry though, I gain weight in my stomach! The grass is always greener, right?" ... But really, why should I be sorry for having a favorite physical feature on my own bod? I feel like, au contraire, we should ALL have a fav and stop focusing so much on our least-fav.

I'm not sure why I feel like I've seen so much body-angst lately. It's not like I'm exposing myself to any new people or social circles. I guess maybe I've just been more tuned into it -- hearing comments or reading shit online that makes me hone in. Not sure.

But I really think it's really too bad: Women hating themselves over something so trivial (the fat talk, not health in general). 

But it's lame. And I won't go off on societal pressures or the media or celebrities or Photoshop ... we know. But that still doesn't solve the prob.

And I will put a disclaimer here -- because I'm not trying to say I'm immune to it, or above it all. I certainly have days when nothing fits correctly and my whole closet looks like shit and I feel like I've gotten a little thicker in certain spots and I just want to cry. Those days are really hard to swallow.

But like, I kind of use those days as motivation, too.

That's what gets me out of bed for a 9a spin class or a 9:30a hot yoga sesh. And my wardrobe, too. I don't want to slowly buy new clothes over the years because I keep growing out of shit, that's certainly not the goal. I want to tighten up my arms for sleeveless summers and keep my stomach as flat as possible (which isn't even THAT flat) for my fav MSU T, which happens to be a small when I'm usually more of a medium. I want to keep pushing myself, and werkin-twerkin and staying healthy.

Because it feels good, right? To know that you just slayed a super hard workout or you held all four standing-bow-pulling poses for the entire two minutes even though your locked leg was burning like a MF. A few months ago, I got lost on a hike with my friend and accidentally made it all the way to high camp at Squaw Valley. Like, bruh, we just scaled AN ENTIRE EFFING MOUNTAIN.

I get that my thighs touch now, but they're strong as shit. Not everyone can climb to 10,000 feet, you know?

I feel like it should be healthy > skinny, right?

If I have a daughter someday, I want her to be strong. 

I feel strong (most days). I love feeling strong. And I want my daughter's head to reflect that, too -- like, when a bunch of women are complaining about what they hate on their bodies and how they "splurged" this weekend and now have to restrict like crazy the rest of the month ... I want her to be like, F that noise.

Eat what makes you happy. But be reasonable. If you feel like you're making too many unhealthy choices, reevaluate. Practice moderation. But don't obsess. Because who cares? Not other women. Certainly not guys. And I'm not saying like, GET FAT GIVE UP, but like, give yourself a break. Enjoy your body and enjoy your life.

I hate stupid memes online that are like, "bones are for dogs! [Skinny girls are no good]." Or "I don't have a thigh gap because tee hee! That's because I'm a mermaid! [Like, no, you're actually a douchebag]."

My thighs touch too, but I'm not going to pretend I'm an effing mermaid. 

And sure, maybe they didn't always touch, but I was never skin and bones, either. I've fluctuated a few pounds over the years. I've felt best inside when I'm active. Whether that's meant HS sports, or running all throughout college, or skiing or lifting heavy weights with my bodybuilder friends (year 20 I was STACKED, yo). ... But before my wedding? I wasn't eating like a normal person. I didn't feel healthy. My collar bones were popping like I wanted them to, but it was gross. And then after the wedding? I craved bagels because my body was starving. I probably enjoyed food a bit too much and had to hit bikram harder than usual for six months or so.

(Related/unrelated: I did think I was chubby my senior year of high school, at 5'7 and 125 pounds. lolololol omg stop. But I'll probably look back on 28-year-old Michelle someday, a little heavier but not by a ton, and think -- "you looked great then, too!") We all just need to give ourselves a break.

I just got to thinking about all this after reading XO Jane earlier this month, when this girl posted about what "dress-for-your-body"-type rules she sometimes breaks. And I loved it. I'm not suggesting you wear unflattering pieces, but like I said: Sacramento gets hot. So sometimes when all my shorts are in the wash, I'll wear a maxi dress. It's probably not the world's best decision on a tummy-gainer, but IT'S HOT OUT. And I deserve to wear the closest thing to a light-weight nightgown out in public. So, yolo. Do you. Random people on the street are not judging.

A few final thoughts? I know when my body feels tight and fit, and when I need to cut out some snacks. You probably do, too. Listen to that. (I actually don't weigh myself at all, and mostly judge my current state by how my pants are fitting).

But above all else, be kind to yourself. Mentally and physically. 

We're all just doing our best.






*Wink.